~Chapter Five - The Club~

 

Daniel parked his car in the hotel’s lot and strolled inside. He was a little late, but he figured it didn’t matter. It always took Darren forever to get ready. He’d probably still be waiting ten minutes from now for Darren to show. Daniel looked around the hotel curiously, admiring the wide, spacious lobby. His eyes fell on a man sitting on one of the numerous couches spaced around the room, and Daniel noticed with a start of surprise that it was Darren. Darren was waiting for him. Daniel blinked incredulously a few times, then took this opportunity to study his ex-bandmate.

Darren was wearing a pair of nice black pants, not leather, Daniel noticed, and a tight ribbed turtleneck. The turtleneck was a soft charcoal that did amazing things to Darren’s deep blue eyes from what Daniel could see. It was a far cry from what the singer would have worn to go clubbing during their Savage Garden days. Daniel tilted his head a little as he looked again. He had to admit he liked the look. Darren looked good, on a purely aesthetic level, of course. Daniel looked down at his own clothes and rolled his eyes. I knew he’d find some way to outshine me. Even living out of a suitcase, he manages to find something.

Almost as if Darren had heard his thoughts, he looked up and met Daniel’s eyes. A bright smile spread over his face, and he hopped up out of the couch and moved to Daniel’s side.

“Hey!” He greeted.

“Hey,” Daniel returned. “You ready to go?”

“Yup, whenever you are.”

“Then let’s go.”

Darren fell into step next to Daniel, walking slightly faster than normal to keep up with Daniel’s long-legged stride. Daniel pushed the door open and held it for Darren, who smiled and walked through. He waited just outside for Daniel to follow.

“So, which way?”

“This way,” Daniel responded, jerking his head to the right.

“How was dinner?” Darren asked as they began walking again.

“It was good. Kat was in the mood for Italian, so we went to one of our favorite places.”

Darren nodded. He remembered what his mother had said earlier in the afternoon about Kat and decided to ask Daniel about it.

“So… did Kathleen feel ignored by us last night? I was telling Mum about dinner, and she said we had probably made her feel a little left out.”

Daniel made a small face. “Yeah, she was kinda mad last night.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make her feel bad, or make you guys get in a fight,” Darren said, feeling a little more guilty about his treatment of Kathleen than he had previously.

“Yeah, I know,” Daniel answered with a shrug. “She knows it, too. She’s just never really had a chance to get used to us being close, and I think it shocked her.”

“Ahh,” Darren said, not really feeling much better. Daniel looked at him out of the corner of his eye, noticing the guilty expression on Darren’s face. He smiled a little, then gave Darren a none-too-gentle shove. Darren looked up, startled.

“Don’t sweat it, mate. You didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. And besides,” Daniel said with a smile, “I’m kinda glad we can be that close again, you know? I’m sorry we upset Kat, but I wouldn’t trade last night for anything.”

A strange elation filled Darren at Daniel’s words and he ducked his head to hide the stupid grin he was sure was covering his face. He answered Daniel quietly and sincerely, however.

“I wouldn’t, either.”

There was a moment of companionable silence between the men. Daniel stole yet another look at Darren out of the corner of his eye. The older man had a slight smile on his face. He was staring at his shoes, obviously deep in thought. An answering smile tugged on the corners of Daniel’s mouth. He felt… lighter having Darren around. Daniel was paying so little attention to the surrounding area that he almost missed the turn for the club. He glanced up just in time to see the sign for the cross street.

“Hey, Dare, we need to go down here.”

“’Kay,” Darren said, following Daniel. A few more steps and Darren could see the line queued outside. He and Daniel quietly walked to the end of the line and waited.

“Good thing it isn’t too cold, huh?” Darren offered as they stood.

“Oh, yeah,” Daniel agreed wholeheartedly. “You get all whiny when you’re cold.”

Darren’s eyes widened and his mouth rounded as he huffed in righteous indignation.

“I do not get whiny!”

Daniel didn’t even deign to give that comment a verbal answer. He just raised an eyebrow at Darren and smirked. Darren made a face at the guitarist. Daniel just laughed.

“I don’t get whiny,” Darren muttered, but quietly. Daniel either didn’t hear or chose to ignore Darren.

“Looks like the line’s moving pretty quickly,” the guitarist told Darren, craning his neck to see the front of the line.

“That’s good. I hate waiting.”

“Yeah, patience isn’t one of your virtues,” Daniel teased.

“Hey, what is this? Let’s-pick-on-Darren night?” Darren asked in exasperation.

“Sorry, Dare. I just couldn’t resist.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Darren dismissed Daniel’s apology with a wave of his hand and a mischievous smile. By that point, the pair was almost to the entrance. They scrabbled around their pockets for the money to pay the cover charge. The two men handed their money to the employee at the door, then entered the club. Darren looked around curiously, then smiled in satisfaction. Daniel had chosen well.

The perpetual haze of smoke that always clouded the air at clubs was still there, but to a much lesser extent. Darren appreciated this fact, both for his lungs and his wardrobe. It was miserably hard to get that smoky scent out of some fabrics, and as Darren didn’t smoke, he hated walking around smelling like an ashtray. The club was dark, but not suffocatingly so. Strobe lights and other colored lights flashed from the huddled, gyrating mass that occupied what was obviously the dance floor. A loud, pulsating beat filled the air. The ambiance of the place was absolutely perfect. Darren shot a smile at a slightly worried-looking Daniel who was studying him for his reaction and got one of Daniel’s brilliant grins in return.

“I like it,” Darren half-shouted, leaning closer to Daniel so that he could be heard over the music.

“Good! Now I’m going to hit the bar. You wanna come?”

Darren just nodded, figuring it wasn’t worth the effort to shout a “yes”. He trailed Daniel to the bar and crowded in next to him. When Daniel finally got the bartender’s attention, he ordered himself two boilermakers. Darren raised his eyebrows at this, and Daniel caught the expression. He grinned devilishly.

“I’ve been busy. I haven’t been able to just go out for a while. I plan to have fun tonight.”

"Good enough,” Darren directed to Daniel. His next comment he directed at the bartender. “I’ll have two tequila shots.”

Now it was Daniel’s turn to raise his eyebrows.

“Two shots of tequila? I thought you didn’t drink much, Dare.”

“I don’t,” Darren shrugged. “But I drink more now than I used to with Savage Garden.”

“Why?” Daniel asked, frankly confused. Darren had always been so adamant about not drinking while he was with Savage Garden. It seemed odd that he would change his mind about this after only a year.

“I dunno. Not drinking just didn’t seem as important anymore.” Darren met Daniel’s shocked look with an amused one of his own. “I’m not an alcoholic now or anything, Dan. I don’t even drink often. I just do it more than I used to, is all.”

“Uh-huh.” Daniel was still slightly skeptical. He wasn’t sure he believed Darren’s story. He just couldn’t see where Darren had changed so much that he would willingly drink tequila shots. As those thoughts were running through his head, the bartender returned with both of their drinks. The guitarist watched in fascination as Darren picked up one of the shot glasses, tilted his head back slightly, and tossed it back in a practiced and experienced move. He grabbed the lime and bit down into it, looking challengingly into Daniel’s eyes the entire time. Daniel blinked, impressed.

“Wow,” was his only comment. Darren grinned and watched as Daniel downed his shot, followed by a huge gulp of beer.

“I’m impressed,” said Daniel over yet another sip, but a smaller one this time. “No chaser.”

“I like the taste, surprisingly enough,” Darren answered.

“What made you start drinking tequila?”

“Well… You’re going to laugh. Everyone does when I tell them this. So, I started drinking tequila when I realized I really didn’t like beer. I wanted something else, but when I tried the mixed drinks, my band started making fun of me and my ‘fru-fru’ drinks. So I had to find something else. I tried tequila and liked it, so that’s what I drink now.”

“Let me make sure I’ve got this straight. You drink tequila because you don’t like beer?”

“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.”

Daniel managed to hold off for a few seconds, then burst into laughter. Darren waited him out with the tired patience of one who has put up with something for a while.

“Oh, god, Dare, that is very you. You couldn’t find anything in the middle ground between beer and hard liquor that you liked?”

“Nope.”

“Only you, Dare,” Daniel laughed.

“Yeah, I know,” Darren sighed. “I can never find a middle ground.”

“No, you can’t,” Daniel said seriously. Even though he had eaten a large dinner, it had been about five hours since then. The alcohol had hit him hard, making him more open than normal. “But that’s part of your charm. You live life to its extremes, and drag us all along on the roller coaster ride with you. It makes life exciting.”

Darren paused with his second shot halfway to his mouth. His eyes blinked owlishly at Daniel over the rim of the glass.

“It’s part of my charm?” He asked, a tinge of vulnerability evident in his voice.

“Yeah,” Daniel muttered, feeling stupid for blurting out his thoughts like that. He covered by finishing up his first boilermaker and starting on his second. A little voice in his head told him that drinking more wasn’t the wisest idea when he was already upset about how alcohol had affected his actions, but Daniel successfully ignored it.

Darren watched Daniel closely. The singer wanted to say something more, to at least thank Daniel for the compliment, but managed to keep silent. Daniel wasn’t comfortable revealing his thoughts and feelings verbally, which was one of the reasons he had hated doing interviews. To know what Daniel was thinking, you watched his body language and listened to his music. And right now, Daniel’s body language was practically screaming embarrassment. Darren looked around for some topic of conversation that would distract the guitarist, and his eyes fell on an advertisement for a live band that was playing here in another week.

“Hey,” he said, gesturing with his glass. “There’s a live band coming next week.”

Daniel glanced up, obviously not very interested. “Yeah.”

“Do you remember when we used to play places like this?”

“Like it was so long ago,” Daniel scoffed. “Of course I remember. Those were some of the best times we had.”

“Yeah, they were.”

“Really? I would have thought you’d have liked the touring better.”

“Well, there’s something to be said for performing at a place filled with people that you know came there for the sole reason of seeing you perform,” Darren confided. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t like what we did before we got famous. And anyway, our club performances were probably the last time both of us were really happy, and that’s important to me, as well.”

Daniel looked down into his beer, wondering what to say to that. He lacked the ease of speaking that Darren was graced with. He took another long drink. Every conversation he had with Darren tonight seemed to end up in this odd and murky emotional territory. Daniel wasn’t sure why this was happening, but it was making him slightly uncomfortable. Their conversations never used to be this charged. Must be the result of the distance between us, he thought. Darren seemed to sense his turmoil, for he was deliberately not looking at Daniel, gaze turned towards the dance floor. Suddenly, his entire expression lit up.

“Hey! This is a great song!”

He began to bounce up and down in place, jostling Daniel’s arm.

“I’m gonna go out there and dance,” he announced after a moment of bouncing in place. “You coming?”

Daniel leveled Darren with an incredulous look. “Darren, you know I don’t dance.”

“Aww, come on, Danny! It’ll be fun. You only have to go out there for this one song.”

“No.” Daniel turned back to the bar and made a motion for the bartender.

“Please??” Darren begged.

“I said no, Darren. I’m not going out there.”

“Oh, you’re no fun, you know that?”

Darren pouted for a moment, then sighed and began to wind his way through the milling crowds to get to the dance floor. Daniel ordered two shots of whiskey, then turned to watch as Darren pushed through the crowd at the edge and immediately caught the beat, moving in time to the bass that flooded the room. Daniel shook his head and smiled. Darren couldn’t sit still for long. He always needed to be doing something. Darren was in his element out there with the loud music and the constant motion. Daniel absent-mindedly grabbed one of the shot glasses the bartender had left and tossed it back quickly, then returned his attention to Darren.

Darren stayed out on the dance floor for the next three songs, allowing the music to lift him out of himself. There was something oddly cathartic about losing yourself to the overwhelming beat and just dancing. He let all the tension of the past few days flow out of his body. Darren’s eyes fell shut and he moved instinctually to the rhythm he could feel pounding through his entire body. He could feel someone’s eyes on him, but he ignored it. The pressure of those eyes only increased as time went on, however, and the singer finally felt compelled to open his eyes. Darren turned, searching for the person who had been staring at him, and met the strangely intense green gaze of his band mate.

Darren felt a sudden lurch in the region of his stomach as he stared into Daniel’s eyes. There was something different in that gaze, something Darren was afraid to identify. His heartbeat sped up as Daniel’s gaze pulled at him. The singer knew he shouldn’t be reacting like this to his best friend, but he couldn’t seem to stop. It took all he had to finally look down. When he cautiously looked back up, the tension had left Daniel’s gaze. Darren sighed, in relief he told himself, and refused to acknowledge the disappointment that he could feel sinking the blissful euphoria dancing had engendered.

Darren wound his way through the crowd to reach Daniel’s side again. He glanced at the two empty shot glasses that were now sitting on the bar and laughed.

“Looks like I have some catching up to do.”

“Are we competing now?” Daniel teased.

“No, no!” Darren vigorously shook his head. “You’d win, hands down. But if we’re here to have fun, I don’t want to be left too far behind.”

“Ahh, ok.” Daniel waved the bartender back over and ordered two shots of tequila for Darren and two more whiskey shots for himself. “So, have fun out there?”

“You know it,” Darren responded. “You should have danced, too.”

Daniel rolled his eyes. “No. You’re a persistent little bugger, you know that?”

Darren flashed him a cheeky grin. “Yup!”

Their drinks arrived and Darren tossed his two back in quick succession, which he realized was probably not the brightest idea he’d had all night as the room began to spin when he shifted to a more comfortable position. Daniel laughed at him.

“Little tipsy there, Dare?”

“Just a bit,” Darren said softly, leaning up against Daniel for support. “I think I’m done for the night.”

“Lightweight,” Daniel teased gently. He finished his first shot, then lightly nudged Darren.

“I told you I don’t drink much,” Darren laughingly protested. “And you’re going to be feeling yours soon. That’s what, your fifth shot in under two hours?”

“Sixth, now,” Daniel corrected, laying the now-empty glass on the counter. “And I’m not feeling a thing.”

Darren shot him a skeptical look from his position propped up against the bar. “Prove it.”

“Fine.” Daniel shoved off from the bar… only to stagger and almost fall as his sense of balance chose to strand him in a wildly spinning world. Darren caught him just before the fall became uncontrollable, and Daniel could hear the singer’s light laughter in his ear.

“You aren’t feeling a thing, huh?”

“Shut up and help me up.”

Darren managed to stabilize the guitarist. He had noticed that if he didn’t move too quickly the world managed to stay still, and he blessed his mother for the huge dinner she had made. Darren had a feeling that without it he’d be in a worse state than Daniel. Daniel, for his part, clutched tightly to Darren’s arms. He felt incredibly dizzy and a little sick. I think I overdid it a bit, he thought dazedly. Darren took one look at his face and made a quick decision.

“I think we’ve both had enough for tonight. Come on, let’s head back to my hotel.”

Daniel wanted to protest but couldn’t quite work up the energy. Instead, he nodded and allowed Darren to propel him out of the bar and into the brisk night air. The temperature managed to revive Daniel a bit, but he didn’t stop leaning on Darren. Instead, he leaned in a little closer, enjoying the warmth Darren radiated. The two walked slowly towards Darren’s hotel.

“You’re staying with me tonight,” Darren announced abruptly, breaking the silence that had settled between them. Daniel turned to look at Darren curiously, and found himself very close to Darren’s face. His brain shut down for a moment at their closeness, but then he tripped and Darren had to steady him, and the moment was lost.

“I can make it home,” Daniel protested. Darren sighed and shook his head.

“No, you can’t. You’re in no condition to drive, and neither am I. Besides, there’s an extra bed in the room that you can use. But I won’t let you drive home.”

“Ok,” Daniel acquiesced easily. Darren had a point. And anyway, he didn’t really want this evening to end. Darren would be leaving soon, and Daniel wanted to spend as much time as possible with him. The two half-stumbled, half-walked into the hotel lobby and pressed the button for the elevator. They practically fell into it when the doors opened, both beginning to really feel the effects of the alcohol. When the doors opened onto Darren’s floor, the singer, who was slightly more sober than his friend, dragged Daniel out of the elevator and down the hall to his room.

Darren braced himself and Daniel against the wall as he fumbled for his room key. The world still spun at the edges if he moved too quickly, and it was slightly more difficult than normal to fit the card into the slot. He pulled it out quickly, but the light continued to flash red. Groaning, Darren tried again. Still red. Daniel, leaning heavily against the wall, watched Darren’s attempts with amusement in his slightly clouded green eyes.

“You’ve been in god knows how many hotel rooms and you’re still horrible at opening the doors,” Daniel commented with only a slight bit of slurring.

“I’d like to see you try, then,” Darren challenged. He threw his hands up and took a quick step backwards, trying to ignore the sudden disorientation that move caused.

Daniel rolled his eyes and pushed himself carefully off the wall. He took the key from Darren, inserted it in the slot, and pulled it out again. The light flashed green. Daniel pushed the door open, shooting a triumphant glance at Darren.

“Ha!” He exclaimed.

“I hate you,” Darren muttered, stumbling a little as he entered his room. He kicked off his shoes in the entryway and made to go farther into the room.

His progress was prevented by warm arms suddenly wrapping around his waist. Daniel pulled Darren up against him in a tight hug. He nuzzled his head lightly into Darren’s shoulder, noticing the sudden tension in the singer’s body but ignoring it.

“You don’t really hate me, do you, Dare?” He murmured into the singer’s neck.

Darren felt a shiver run down his spine at the caress of Daniel’s breath against the sensitive skin of his neck. He felt a sudden, strange urge to melt into Daniel’s embrace and never move. He attributed that strange urge and the tingles that were emanating from the places Daniel touched to the copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed, and tried to shove the feelings away.

“No,” he whispered, voice slightly husky. “Of course I don’t really hate you.”

“Good,” Daniel rumbled softly. He snuggled closer, burrowing his face in the junction between Darren’s neck and shoulder. Darren smelled so good, of soap and cologne and something uniquely Darren. Daniel rubbed his nose gently against the skin of Darren’s neck, seeking out that scent. The singer stiffened even more, if possible, and gently broke away.

Darren could feel his heart pounding as he pulled away. Daniel’s embrace was making him feel things he had no right feeling for his best friend, and he didn’t want to embarrass himself by turning around and kissing Daniel senseless. The singer turned around and pasted a bright smile on his face, hoping it would conceal the conflicted feelings currently racing through his mind. He noticed Daniel’s eyes were half-closed and he was swaying slightly on his feet, and the fake smile melted into something most tender and real.

“Tired, mate?” He asked gently.

“Mmhmm.”

“Here.” Darren walked over to the other bed in the room and pulled back the covers. He patted the mattress invitingly. “You can sleep here tonight.”

Daniel made his way slowly over to the bed and sat down. He looked up at Darren with an innocent, almost child-like look in his eyes.

“Just like old times, eh?”

“Yeah,” Darren responded, smiling as Daniel quickly flopped over on his back. Dan’s eyelids were drooping again, and Darren was sure he’d be asleep in no time. Then he noticed Daniel’s feet, which were still dangling off the bed. Shaking his head in amusement, he knelt to take off Daniel’s shoes.

“Dare?” Daniel asked suddenly.

“Yeah, Danny?”

“I missed you this last year, you know?”

“I know, Danny. I missed you, too.”

“’M glad you’re back.” Daniel’s speech was becoming even more slurred as he came closer and closer to sleep.

“Me, too,” Darren answered. He stood up and pulled Daniel’s legs back on the bed so the guitarist was now stretched out fully on the bed. Then Darren grabbed the sheet from the foot of the bed and pulled it up over Daniel’s form.

“Thanks, Dare,” Daniel whispered as Darren brought the sheet up to his shoulders.

“Welcome,” Darren responded. He hesitated, struck by the urge to press a kiss on Daniel’s cheek. The scene they were enacting was so domestic, it almost seemed like the perfect ending to the night. The urge got too much to resist, and Darren leaned in, intending only to brush his lips lightly against Daniel’s cheek. Daniel, however, moved at the last instant, and Darren’s lips ended up landing squarely on Daniel’s own. The pair froze for an endless second, shocked at the sudden contact, but as the moment passed and shock became realization, neither man pulled away. Darren’s wide blue eyes stared into Daniel’s surprised green ones, and even as he watched, Daniel’s lids fluttered down to cover his eyes and the younger man leaned deeper into the kiss.

 

 

~Chapter Six - A Sea Change~

 

Darren froze, his lips still touching Daniel’s, shocked into almost complete sobriety. Pull away, pull away, his mind screamed at him, but his body refused to obey. Daniel’s lips were soft and yet hard at the same time, an intoxicating combination. Darren’s mind raced with the possibilities. He could pull away, which was what the more rational side of his mind wanted him to do, or he could lean in a little closer and deepen this kiss. But what about what Daniel wants? his mind asked. Well, Daniel isn’t pulling away, now is he? Darren rationalized. And Darren wanted this. He wanted this more than he had ever believed he could want something.

The feeling of Daniel’s lips on his own felt right. Darren felt… completed, suddenly. His constant moving around in the last couple of years, from Australia to New York to San Francisco, had been Darren’s attempt to find some place he belonged. After Colby had left him he had felt adrift, unable to find someplace where he fit. And now, he had finally found home in the lips and the embrace of his best friend. When that thought registered, Darren’s eyes flew open and he pulled away, staggering back a few steps. Oh, my God, he realized. I love him. I’m in love with Danny.

Suddenly it all made sense. Their almost too-close friendship and Darren’s need to touch Daniel when they were together. How easy flirting with him on-stage had always been. The huge sense of betrayal he’d felt when Daniel said he wanted out. How he’d been hurt more by Daniel’s defection than he had been by his break-up with Colby. The sense of something left unfulfilled that entire year without Daniel. It all led back to this one epiphany. He almost laughed at the irony of it all. He’d been in love with Daniel almost the entire time they had been together, and he’d been blind to that fact until after the band had separated. How incredibly soap opera-ish of him. Darren was startled out of his thoughts by Daniel’s voice.

Daniel had not been happy when Darren had pulled away from their kiss. He had felt more alive than he had in a long time when Darren had kissed him, and he wanted that feeling back. So he raised himself up on one elbow and turned his intense green gaze on the singer. Darren looked pale and shocked, and worry for him managed to penetrate the alcoholic fog that clouded Daniel’s brain.

“Dare? You ok?” He asked softly. Darren jumped at the sound of his voice, and turned startled blue eyes to his. The lost, scared look in them managed to shake a little more sobriety into Daniel.

“C’mere,” he invited, patting the side of the bed next to him.

Darren went, a little reluctantly, and sat down next to Daniel. Daniel managed to lever himself completely upright, ignoring the swinging of the room around him as he did so. He looked deeply into Darren’s bright blue eyes, trying to figure out what was wrong. The singer was acting differently than he had all night, and Daniel was worried, more worried than he wanted to admit, about this change in demeanor.

“Dazza?” He asked, using his pet name. He hadn’t used it in a very long time, but it just felt right to use it now. There was an intimacy here that couldn’t be ignored.

Darren blinked in surprise. He hadn’t heard Daniel call him Dazza in such a long time. His defenses lowered just a little.

“What?” He whispered in return.

“Daz, what’s wrong? You’re acting funny.”

“N-nothing’s wrong. I… it’s nothing, Danny.”

Darren looked away, but Daniel put his hand on the side of Darren’s cheek, turning the singer’s head so that his eyes met Daniel’s again. He didn’t even notice when his hand began caressing the curve of Darren’s cheek, but Darren did. His breathing sped up and his tongue flickered out to wet his lips. Daniel caught the movement, and his eyes fixed on Darren’s full pink lips. Darren’s proximity was doing crazy things to him, things that he had never felt around the singer before, and he wanted nothing more at this moment than to explore these new, exciting feelings.

“Dazza,” he murmured, his low voice even deeper than normal. He leaned in closer, watching as Darren’s eyes first widened, then half shut. The singer’s head tilted back slightly in an obvious, if unconscious, invitation.

“Jonesy,” he whispered breathily. “I don’t think… we shouldn’t…”

“Shouldn’t what, Daz?” Daniel asked, his lips a hair's breadth away from Darren’s. He knew Darren wanted this as much as he did, could feel it in the rapid breaths that fanned across his cheeks and lips, could sense it in the tension radiating off of Darren’s body. Darren mustered every ounce of control he had in him.

“I don’t think we should be doing this,” he said, his voice barely audible. He didn’t pull away, however, and that was enough for Daniel.

“Then don’t think,” he ordered roughly, and captured Darren’s lips with his own.

Daniel cupped Darren’s face in both of his hands, fingertips lightly grazing the singer’s jawbone and the soft skin behind his ear. He kissed Darren with everything he had in him, and knew the moment Darren capitulated to the inevitable. In the space of a second, all the tension that had held Darren’s body stiff and away from his disappeared, and the singer melted against him. Darren’s arms wrapped around the guitarist’s neck, his fingers tangling in the short hair. His lips opened to Daniel’s probing tongue, and he gave a low moan. It was the most beautiful sound Daniel had ever heard.

Darren’s head reeled with the overflow of sensation. Daniel’s lips were hard and hungry, provoking an equally abandoned response from Darren. His tongue slipped out of his own mouth to explore the warm cavern of Daniel’s. The taste of the younger man was more potent than the alcohol they had consumed that night, and Darren felt he was drowning in it. The singer was hyperaware of every place their bodies touched. It was more than he could have ever dreamed. Darren’s voice of reason, however, managed to penetrate even the haze of arousal that surrounded him. You shouldn’t be doing this, it whispered fiercely. Daniel’s going to regret this in the morning, and you know it.

The thought hurt, shocking some awareness back into Darren. He managed to pull his mouth away from Daniel’s ravenous one for a moment and sucked in a great breath of air. Daniel, however, merely took this as an opportunity to continue his explorations down Darren’s cheek and onto the column of his neck. It was very distracting, to say the least. Darren gasped softly and threw his head back, exposing more of his neck to Daniel’s questing lips. He moaned softly, and Daniel answered with a low growl. Again gathering up the shreds of his self-control, Darren tried one more time to stop what was going on.

“Ah-Jonesy,” he gasped. “Jonesy, please… we, ah, we have to stop.”

Daniel slowly dragged his lips back up from Darren’s neck, hovering a bare inch away from Darren’s kiss-swollen ones. One of his hands moved down Darren’s back in a long stroke, creeping around the front of Darren’s body to rest just above the obvious bulge that indicated his interest in the proceedings. Darren inhaled sharply, and Daniel chuckled.

“Do you really want to stop, Dazza?” He murmured from his position just above Darren’s tempting lips.

Darren gave a small half sob and closed the distance between his lips and Daniel’s. He was lost and he knew it. Daniel’s arms closed triumphantly around Darren’s back. The singer kissed Daniel with a reckless passion that stunned him as much as it turned him on. Their tongues started a war for dominance as Daniel slowly pushed Darren onto his back. Darren wriggled underneath him, trying to get comfortable, and brought their groins into contact.

Daniel gasped loudly into Darren’s mouth. Darren took the opportunity to suck Daniel’s bottom lip into his mouth. He bit the tender flesh lightly and was rewarded by Daniel’s groan and an almost brutal kiss, which he returned with equal ferocity. His hands began to wander, stroking lightly down Daniel’s back, hesitating at the waistband of his pants, and then running back up, this time under the shirt. Darren could feel Daniel’s muscles working underneath the captivating warmth of his skin, and it thrilled him.

Daniel tore his mouth away from Darren’s to trail a line of biting kisses down Darren’s neck. He moved back up, running his tongue over the curl of Darren’s ear and gently nipped the lobe, smiling in satisfaction as Darren jumped in reaction. In retaliation, Darren raked his blunt nails down Daniel’s back. The shiver this provoked rubbed their erections together, and this time both gasped. Darren rolled his hips hesitantly, starting a rhythm designed to drive them both wild. It was too much. Daniel’s hands went to the hem of Darren’s shirt, and he tugged it up roughly.

“Off,” he growled, and Darren obediently sat up enough for Daniel to pull the shirt over his head. Darren took this opportunity to pull Daniel’s own shirt off, and when they next came together for a kiss, it was skin to skin. Daniel pulled away to look at the expanse of warm skin exposed for his view and grinned wickedly up at Darren. His hands began a thorough exploration, soon followed by his mouth. Darren groaned when Daniel’s tongue drew a circle around one erect nipple while his hand teased the other. He shifted restlessly underneath Daniel. Daniel flicked the erect bud with his tongue, then laved it thoroughly. He listened to Darren’s moans of pleasure with a grin, then quickly turned his attention to the other nipple.

The guitarist’s hand traced a path down Darren’s stomach, fingers tangling briefly in the hair that arrowed down from his navel. Then he nimbly flicked the button of Darren’s fly open and unzipped it, exposing Darren’s boxer-clad cock to the cool air of the room.

“Danny!” Darren cried out in surprise. The guitarist looked up from Darren’s chest long enough to meet the singer’s gaze with eyes gone almost black with lust. Then he looked downward at Darren’s cock. One hand reached out to gently close around it, and Darren jerked in response. The other hand quickly pushed Darren’s pants off his hips and down his legs, where Darren kicked them off. Daniel then began a gentle exploration of Darren’s cock, his hand learning the size and feel of it. When he could tell that his teasing was becoming too much for the singer, he pushed the boxers off as well, leaving Darren completely naked and open to his eyes.

Daniel scooted down so that he was lying between Darren’s legs, at eye level with Darren’s twitching cock. He had never done this before, and that realization was beginning to penetrate the cloud of lust and alcohol presently in control of his brain. He hesitated for a moment, then looked up to see Darren’s dark eyes watching him through slit lids. The look was unknowingly seductive, as was the expression in Darren’s eyes. Lust was there, yes, but something more, something Daniel dared not name. Whatever it was, it was enough to push back the fear that had been approaching.

His eyes locked with Darren’s, Daniel leaned forward just a little and ran his tongue up the length of Darren’s cock. Darren’s eyes closed in pleasure as Daniel continued his gentle, teasing treatment, first stroking up the length of him then swirling his tongue around the head, licking up the drops of precome that gathered there. Daniel waited until Darren’s writhing motions and moans told him that he needed more, then in one smooth motion swallowed Darren as far as he could. Which, he thought a bit wryly, wasn’t that far, but Darren sure didn’t seem to mind. Darren moaned deeply, back arching off the bed, and Daniel began to suck hard, using what he knew he liked to give pleasure to Darren. One hand moved down to gently stroke Darren’s balls as he increased the suction.

This was too much for Darren. He tensed, then came, screaming Daniel’s name. Daniel was a bit unprepared for the sheer volume of come that hit the back of his throat and he choked, quickly pulling back. He glanced up at Darren, a little embarrassed by his inexperience. Darren’s eyes were closed, his face perfectly relaxed. A soft, shuddering sigh escaped his lips, and his eyes slowly opened. He met Daniel’s serious gaze with an intense one of his own, then opened his arms for him. Daniel crawled up Darren’s body and kissed the singer softly but passionately. Darren returned the kiss, then suddenly flipped Daniel over onto his back. Daniel’s wide, surprised emerald eyes met Darren’s wickedly twinkling blue ones.

“You, my dear Jonesy,” Darren purred into his ear, “Are wearing too many clothes.”

“Am I?” Daniel asked on an exhalation as Darren’s teeth raked over his earlobe.

“Mmhmm,” said the singer, hands trailing down Daniel’s chest to play with the waistband of his jeans.

“And-oh! What do you intend to do about that, Daz?”

Darren’s answer did not come in words.

* * * * *

Much later, the two lay entwined in an exhausted heap. Daniel’s head rested on Darren’s chest, and Darren was gently rubbing his back in soothing motions. Daniel snuggled in closer, a tired sigh escaping him. He pressed a soft kiss to Darren’s chest, then whispered softly,

“Love you, Daz.”

Darren froze, hardly daring to breathe. He stared at the blonde head on his chest, unable to suck in enough air to even form the question hovering on his lips.

“Danny?” He finally managed to ask hoarsely. His only response, however, was the quiet sound of Daniel’s even, relaxed breathing. He had fallen asleep. Darren felt a tug on his heartstrings. Maybe this situation wasn’t as hopeless as it had seemed at first. Gently, so as not to wake him, Darren pressed a kiss into Daniel’s hair. He pulled the sheets up over them and pulled Daniel tighter into his embrace.

“Love you, too, Jonesy,” he returned before allowing sleep to claim him.

 

 

~Chapter Seven - The Morning After~

 

Sunlight flooded the hotel room and shone directly on the bed where Darren lay, forcing itself through the shields of his eyelids. With the bright light came a return to consciousness. Slowly Darren’s eyes fluttered open, and he groaned as the harsh light of day hit his still-sensitive eyes. He felt awful. While he had begun to drink more often than he had previous to Savage Garden’s breakup, it had been a long time since he had let himself go like he had last night and his body was reminding him of that fact. With another soft groan, Darren moved to stretch unaccountably sore muscles when he was stopped by something warm and heavy pressed up against him. Darren froze, suddenly completely awake. What had happened last night?

He lay there, completely stiff and wide-eyed, trying to remember what had happened. Darren was almost scared to look at the warm body next to him, afraid of whom he might see. Biting his lower lip hard, he slowly turned his head and scanned the figure so close to him. Short, tousled dark blonde hair, long, slender neck, broad shoulders, well formed back… definitely a male, then. Well, isn’t that interesting, Darren thought, trying to ignore the sudden pounding in his heart. His body already knew what his mind refused to acknowledge. A little voice in the back of his mind was telling him that if he didn’t think the name, it wouldn’t be that person. Almost as if the man next to Darren had heard his thoughts, he turned over and snuggled closer to Darren’s trembling form. Darren looked into that incredibly familiar face and whispered inaudibly, “Oh, God. Daniel…”

As if someone had flicked a switch in his brain, memories suddenly came pouring back. He remembered the drinking, the laughing and telling jokes like old times. He remembered telling Daniel that he could stay at the hotel, as it was within walking distance and neither of them was in any state to drive. He remembered tucking a sleepy Daniel into the bed and the crazy urge that had led him to try and drop a kiss on Daniel’s cheek. And finally, he remembered what that friendly kiss on the cheek had ultimately turned into. Darren also remembered the feelings attached with last night, and could feel a lump rising in his throat. He knew what he felt was real; he had to only look at Daniel now for the feelings to rise up in him again. There was, however, the very real chance that Daniel didn’t feel the same; that it had been the alcohol talking last night, not the man. They say in vino veritas*, Darren mused. But I’m not sure if it applies in this case. There are some… extenuating circumstances here. I guess I’ll just have to hope he meant it when he said he loved me.

A fine trembling overtook Darren’s whole body. He hadn’t felt this exposed, this vulnerable, in a long time. A part of him wanted to shake Daniel awake and find out right now how he felt. Another larger part just wanted to stay right here and not move, to savor the experience of sleeping next to Daniel. Although Darren hoped that everything would work out, he had the horrible feeling that this encounter was going to go incredibly wrong. If it was, he didn’t really want to face that right now, barely awake and with a horrible headache. So he lay there, unmoving, and made a memory of this moment. He took note of the way Daniel smelled, of how his soft hair tickled Darren’s cheeks as his head bobbed with every breath he took. He memorized the texture of Daniel’s skin under his fingertips and the sound of his even breathing. And for once, Darren felt completely and utterly at peace.

For almost an hour, Darren lay there basking in this newfound contentment. The rhythm of Daniel’s breathing lulled him into a half-doze. The headache had almost completely disappeared, replaced by the happiness Darren was now feeling. He had almost fallen completely asleep when movement from Daniel shook him back into full awareness. Darren’s heart began to pound again. His stomach twisted into nervous knots. Daniel’s eyes slowly fluttered open, and bracing himself, Darren met that emerald gaze.

“Good morning,” he whispered softly, heart in his throat.

“’Morning,” Daniel responded. His green eyes were unfocused. It was obvious he had not yet truly awakened.

“Ugh, my head hurts,” Daniel groaned lightly, stretching his long frame. Darren knew the moment Daniel’s nakedness registered. He tensed, and his eyes widened. Carefully, he turned to face Darren, taking in his similar state of undress. A dawning awareness began to take shape on his face, and Darren watched it carefully.

“Did we…” Daniel asked cautiously. Darren nodded, still watching Daniel’s face for clues. Daniel’s face went through a great change as memories returned. Shock and amazement were in the forefront, until it truly hit him what had happened. Then the shock was replaced with horror and disgust. Darren’s heart broke.

“Oh, my God,” Daniel said, his tone of voice containing all the emotions on his face. “Fuck.”

Darren’s eyelids swept down to shutter his eyes for just a moment. When he opened them, there was a wall behind them, concealing any emotion he might have felt.

“Well, that isn’t exactly the reaction a lover would wish the morning after, but considering the circumstances, I guess I’ll have to let it go,” Darren said lightly. He quickly got out of bed, wanting to be as far away from Daniel as possible, and grabbed his boxers from the floor. Finding Daniel’s, he tossed them to the man who was still frozen to the bed in shock.

“Come on, put those on.”

Daniel turned to face Darren, his eyes still wide with shock and horror.

“How can you take this so lightly?” He asked angrily. “We fucking slept together!”

“Yeah, so?” Darren asked, pulling on his boxers.

“So?” Daniel echoed, his voice rising. “SO?”

“So what? It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It doesn’t MEAN anything?? I fucking slept with a guy, and you’re saying it doesn’t MEAN anything?”

“Daniel, you were drunk. We both were.”

“Well, maybe you’ve woken up next to some guy after a night at the bar, but I sure haven’t,” Daniel retorted. Darren’s eyes flashed with anger.

“I haven’t woken up next to some guy before,” he snapped. “This is just as new for me as it is for you, but at least I’m not freaking out about it. It was just a one-off, Dan. It didn’t mean anything. We were drunk. Our friendship has always been physical, and I guess the combination of the stress we’ve been under and the alcohol just made it something more. Don’t worry, it’s not a statement on your sexuality or your relationship with me or anything like that.”

“Good,” Daniel said. He was looking down at the boxers he still held in his hands, and so missed the brief flash of pain that crossed Darren’s face at his words.

“Good,” Darren said tightly. “I’m going to take a shower. I suggest you take one, too. Then you can go back home to Kathleen and forget this ever happened. I know I’m going to.”

With that, Darren stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Once inside, he leaned back against the door, his heart breaking. The headache, which had almost completely disappeared while he was resting with Daniel, returned with a vengeance. Darren swayed dizzily, a wave of nausea overtaking him. The combination of nerves, heartbreak, and hangover proved too much for him, and he barely made it to the toilet before he was violently ill.

Darren kneeled on the bathroom floor, pressing his forehead against the cool porcelain of the toilet. It took all he had to reach up and flush, and he slowly, mechanically, rose and turned on the water in the shower. He turned the temperature as high as it would go, then stepped in. The scalding water poured over him, turning his skin bright pink, but he didn’t notice. Darren moved automatically, shampooing his hair and scrubbing his body. The singer felt like he was wrapped in a cocoon. Everything felt far away and unreal. He didn’t even notice as some of the water pouring down his face became tears.

The shower ran until Darren began to feel guilty. I probably should save some hot water for Danny, he thought. Reluctantly, he shut off the shower and stepped into the incredibly steamy bathroom. He looked for his clothes, only to realize that he had only brought his boxers in with him.

“Fuck,” Darren said with feeling. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is just what I need.” He pounded the countertop with an angry fist. He did not want to go out there in only his underwear. Or even a towel, for that matter. Lack of clothes would make him vulnerable, and he was sure Danny would be dressed, even if he was just going to walk into the bathroom and take a shower in a moment. He didn’t want to be exposed in front of Daniel in any way, even physically. It hit too close to home right now.

Well, there’s nothing for it, I guess. I’ll just have to waltz out there like it doesn’t bother me to have Daniel see me like this after what happened. I can do this, right? After all, I am the Diva. That thought made him smile, even if only a little. Deciding that the towel was the lesser of two evils, Darren wrapped it tightly around his waist. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped outside. Daniel was sitting on the edge of the bed, completely dressed. Ha, knew it, Darren thought. The guitarist looked up at the sound of the door, and their eyes met for a moment. There was a worried look in the green orbs, and Darren wondered briefly who it was for. Then he jerked his eyes away before he lost himself in Daniel’s gaze.

“The shower is all yours,” he said with an airy wave of his hand. “Although you might want to hurry it. I think I used most of the hot water.”

Daniel stood up, rolling his eyes. Whatever softness had been in that gaze had disappeared.

“What a surprise,” he said dryly. Then he stepped into the muggy bathroom and shut the door. Darren stifled the urge to throw something hard and heavy at the closed door and hunted around for some clothes. He wasn’t going to meet Daniel unprepared again.

Daniel, in the meantime, was leaning up against the bathroom door just like Darren had before. His thoughts were in turmoil, and his mental agitation was not helped by the splitting headache he had. The calm way Darren had reacted to last night had helped him regain a little of his composure, but not much. The guitarist had no idea how he was ever going to face Darren again. The shock of finding himself naked in bed with Darren had brought memories of the night before flooding back, and Daniel embarrassedly realized that much of what had happened last night was his fault. Darren had tried to stop him a few times, but Daniel had been insistent.

That was what really worried him. Daniel had absolutely no idea why he would have behaved in such a way. It threw everything he had ever believed in his life into doubt, and Daniel hated doubting himself. And what on earth was he going to tell Kathleen? He had promised her he wouldn’t stay out too late with Darren last night, and then he didn’t even return home. Daniel was pretty sure he’d been too drunk to call and let her know, so Kathleen probably had no idea where he was. This was not going to be pretty.

With a low groan, Daniel scrubbed at his face with a shaking hand. He needed to get back home, to get away from Darren. He needed time to sort out his thoughts. And he needed time to think up a good excuse for Kathleen. He somehow doubted, “Where was I last night? Well, I got drunk, went back to Darren’s hotel, and made wild, passionate love to him” would work here. An almost hysterical laugh escaped him. Things were so messed up right now. With a sigh, Daniel levered himself off the door and turned on the water. Sure enough, it was only lukewarm. Darren hadn’t been kidding when he said he’d used most of the hot water.

Darren… that brought up yet another issue. He distinctly remembered telling Darren he loved him. Daniel stripped and stepped into the shower. God, he hoped Darren didn’t remember him saying that. That would make things even more awkward than they already were. He supposed that the words could be explained away in many ways. He did love Darren; Darren was once his best friend, and if they hadn’t screwed things up royally with last night he was well on his way to regaining that position. Daniel guessed that maybe he expressed that feeling of love out of a combination of alcohol and satiation, because he couldn’t really love Darren, right? He was straight. And in love with Kathleen. He was. No matter how often a pair of soft, loving blue eyes entered his thoughts, or how turned on he had gotten by the sight of Darren dressed only in a towel, it was only lust.

And the lust was only natural after last night. After all, it had been one of the best sexual experiences of his life. That was saying a lot, considering how much he’d had to drink. But, like Darren had said, it didn’t mean anything. It was just a one-off. Darren was straight, he was straight. They had just had too much to drink last night. Riiight, said a voice in Daniel’s head. If that’s true, then why do you have to try so hard to convince yourself of this? Daniel firmly shunted that thought aside. In an effort to avoid thinking, Daniel concentrated on the physical. He shivered slightly. While he had been lost in thought, the lukewarm water had turned cold. Daniel stepped out of the shower and grabbed a nearby towel. Guilty as it made him feel, he was glad Darren was leaving tomorrow night. The absence of Darren’s compelling presence would make this so much easier to sort out.

Daniel quickly got dressed, then slowly opened the door. Darren was lying on the bed, fully dressed, reading a book. Daniel cleared his throat, and Darren looked up.

“Ah, you’re out,” he said unnecessarily.

“Yeah,” Daniel nodded. The air around them was heavy with the discomfort they felt. Daniel noticed with a sense of both annoyance and disappointment that the atmosphere was quite similar to the one that surrounded them prior to Darren’s visit.

“So…” Darren said, letting the word hang in the air. He set the book down and fixed Daniel with a serious gaze.

“So?” Daniel repeated, unwilling to be the one to broach the topic.

“Where do we go from here, Danny?”

“What do you mean?” Daniel asked, slightly panicked. “I thought you said last night didn’t mean anything!”

“It didn’t!” Darren exclaimed with more than a touch of exasperation in his voice. “But that doesn’t mean that it didn’t affect us at all. I mean, look at you. You’re obviously not comfortable with me, and you were before. I think we need to talk about this.”

“Not now, Darren. I really don’t want to talk about this right now. I need to get home to Kat and get something for this headache.”

“But, Danny…”

“No. We can talk about this later, ok? Or even better, not at all.”

“Fine, we’ll talk about this later,” Darren conceded, stressing the last word so that Daniel would be in no doubt about it. “What about dinner tomorrow? Do you still want me to come?”

“Kat will wonder if you don’t show up,” Daniel evaded. The thought of seeing Darren so soon was not a happy thing, but he couldn’t really tell Darren that, could he? He really needed time to curl up and think of what happened, but he got the feeling he wasn’t going to get that in the near future.

“Which doesn’t really answer my question, Danny. Do you want me to come?”

“Dare, please. Just drop it, ok? If you still want to come to dinner, you can. Does that work?” Darren nodded, not looking at Daniel. “Good. Now, I’ve really got to get home. I’ll see you tomorrow, or not, whichever you want. If you decide not to come to dinner, then call me when you get back to wherever you’re touring. Ok, mate?”

“Yeah,” Darren said, still not looking at Daniel. Daniel hesitated, torn between his need to escape and Darren’s obvious distress. His need to escape won.

“See ya,” he offered, hand on the door.

“Bye,” Darren returned colorlessly. Daniel hesitated for another moment, then stepped outside. The moment the door shut behind him, Darren’s façade crumbled. Silent tears coursed down his cheeks, and his shoulders shook. That was the most horrible thing he had ever experienced. God, Danny, he thought despairingly. How am I ever going to face you again? But can I just leave? Why did this have to happen now?

Darren curled on his side, pulling his legs close to his chest. Daniel’s scent still lingered on the pillowcase, and Darren inhaled it with every breath. The sobs came harder and harder until they were wracking the slight singer’s form. Darren cried until he could take no more and he fell into the blissful oblivion of sleep.


*"In vino veritas" is Latin for “there is truth in wine”.

 

 

~Chapter Eight - I Can't Make You Love Me~

 

Darren stood hesitantly at Daniel’s door, feeling a huge sense of déjà-vu. He was just as afraid this time as he had been three days ago that Daniel would slam the door the moment he recognized who it was. The fact that the two hadn’t talked since they woke up together didn’t help ease that fear. Darren sighed. All that time and worry about making things right with Daniel, and it went straight out the window because of one night. Darren was so lost in thought he didn’t notice the door opening until Daniel called his name.

“Darren. I wondered whether you were going to come,” Daniel said, standing back slightly to let Darren enter.

“Did you really think, after I flew all the way down here, that I was just going to leave without saying anything to you?” Daniel shrugged in response. Darren gave a low groan and raked his fingers through his hair. “Come on, Dan, work with me here. We need to talk about what happened.”

“Can’t we just forget that night happened? I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t know, Dan. Can we forget about it? I don’t want to go back to the tour with us in the same situation we were before I came down here. So if we can go back to normal, then yes, let’s forget this. But if this is going to be an issue that keeps cropping up, I’m not leaving here until we talk about it. And I get the feeling that it’s going to be an issue.”

“Fine,” Daniel relented ungraciously. “Whatever. We’ll talk it out, if you need to so badly.”

Darren clenched his fists to keep himself from letting the anger he was beginning to feel enter his voice. Why was Daniel acting like this? Did he honestly not want to go back to the way they were? Did he see that night as the perfect escape from Darren forever? Those thoughts did little to calm the singer, but his tone was admirably neutral when he spoke.

“I think we both need to talk about this, Dan.”

Daniel closed his eyes and gave a barely perceptible shake of his head, but led the way into the living room. He sprawled out on the couch, looking up at Darren sullenly. Darren stood uncomfortably in the middle of the room. He didn’t want to sit down. He needed the space to pace if things got bad.

“You wanted to talk. So talk,” Daniel ordered irritably.

“Danny… I need to understand why you’re so upset. A drunken one-off shouldn’t be causing this much trouble.”

“Even if it’s a drunken one-off with your best friend, who also happens to be a guy?”

“Yeah, even then. People do crazy things when they’re drunk.”

“Not that crazy. I don’t even have the slightest idea where that came from!” Daniel exclaimed. Darren flinched almost imperceptibly at that comment, but Daniel caught it. His eyes narrowed.

“Do you have an idea, Darren?” He asked, tone sharp. “Do you?”

“And if I do?” The singer answered calmly, raising troubled eyes to his once-partner.

Daniel jerked backward against the couch, stunned. He had imagined this was all as surprising to Darren as it was to him. A sudden suspicion hit him and he spat it out before he could think.

“Is this why you came back here? To end up in bed with me?”

Darren’s eyes widened, and his head snapped back as if he’d been slapped. He gave Daniel the most betrayed look Daniel had ever seen.

“No! How could you even suggest that? I came back because I missed my friend and musical partner. Not because I wanted to get laid by you. I can’t believe you’d even think that for a second!”

Daniel flushed guiltily, knowing he’d made a mistake. That, however, only made him angrier.

“Well, what was I supposed to think, knowing that you could understand us being together?”

“I’m not the only one, you know. You’ve been away too long if you’ve forgotten that.”

“I’ve been away from what too long?” Daniel looked genuinely confused.

“Been away from Savage Garden,” Darren said, a slightly mocking tone to his voice and an amused tilt to his mouth. “Don’t you remember anymore?”

Darren lowered his eyelashes. The smile disappeared. His whole stance changed in an instant. Daniel watched these changes warily. Darren was unpredictable at the best of times. When Darren was upset, he got even worse. Daniel wasn’t sure what was going to happen now. The singer looked up then, and all of Dan’s breath left his body in a whoosh. Darren positively radiated sex.

“The fans saw it,” Darren purred as he stalked towards Daniel. His blue eyes were dark and intense. Daniel was hypnotized by that gaze. His body stirred in reaction. “The reporters did, too. Don’t you remember all the questions they used to ask? And the flirtatious, elusive answers we used to give them? People believed that stuff, Danny. When we were on-stage, there was this chemistry. All the flirting, all the touching… it made people wonder.”

Darren stepped even closer to the guitarist, whose face was pale with shock and a growing arousal. He slipped one hand up Daniel’s chest to rest at the back of his neck. Darren leaned in even closer, so that their eyes were level and Daniel could feel the warm moistness of Darren’s breath on his lips.

“And didn’t you ever wonder? What made all those people think those things about us? What was it we had? Was there never a time, when we hugged longer than was necessary, or a touch lingered, that you thought about the possibility of us being together?”

Daniel could hardly breathe. His heart was pounding and his body shaking in reaction to Darren’s words, Darren’s tone, and Darren’s closeness. Even without the help of alcohol, Daniel could barely suppress the urge to close the distance between them and capture Darren’s lips with his own.

“But…” he finally managed, surprised at his own voice. It sounded rough and deep, a growl of arousal. Even his voice was betraying him! “But… I’m not gay.”

That single phrase had the power to shut Darren down completely. The sexual aura that had surrounded him fell off, and he was just Darren again. The predatory grace that had fueled the singer’s movements also dropped. He stumbled backwards a few steps, putting distance between himself and Daniel. Daniel could still feel the impact of Darren’s presence, though, and it scared him. He had never felt this way before. No one, not Michelle, and not Kathleen, had evoked the feelings and emotions Darren did with just his mere presence. Daniel wasn’t prepared to acknowledge or accept what that could mean, so he pushed out at Darren harder.

“Are you?” He asked desperately, trying to turn the tide of the conversation.

Darren looked away. “I don’t know, Danny. But… I realized something that night.”

Slowly, Darren approached Daniel again and perched on the coffee table. He reached a gentle hand and lifted Daniel’s chin, forcing the guitarist to meet his eyes. Daniel could feel that hand trembling. The singer took a deep breath, then began to speak again.

“I realized… Daniel, I love you. I think I always have. It was always there, in our closer-than-close friendship, in the flirting on-stage… I just didn’t know what it was until we slept together. Everything crystallized then. That’s why it hurt so much to let you go when Savage Garden broke up. I wasn’t just letting go of a friend, I was letting go of you. You’re special, Jonesy, in more ways than I can count.”

Darren’s hand moved from Daniel’s chin to his cheek, which he stroked gently. “I don’t know how to explain this, or categorize it. But then, categories have never worked for us, have they? All I know is that with you, nothing else matters. You, Daniel Jones, are the one I want to be with.”

Daniel looked into Darren’s sincere blue eyes and saw the truth written plainly there. Suddenly, it was too much. He couldn’t handle everything that was going on. One night had completely shaken the foundations of his existence. He was still reeling from the doubts that night had planted in him, and now this. Daniel fought back the sense of panic the only way he knew how. He jerked his face away from Darren’s caressing hand and got up. It was his turn to pace. He could feel Darren’s eyes on him, watching him worriedly.

“Jonesy?” Darren asked, vulnerability plain in his tone.

“What do you want from me, Darren?” He snapped in return. “I’m straight, and I’m with Kathleen. We could never be together.”

“You don’t have to love me back,” Darren said softly. “I didn’t really expect you to. But I had to tell you anyway. You had to know how I feel. But I can move past this if you can, Danny. I don’t want our friendship to end.”

“Well, I don’t think I can move past this,” Daniel stated callously. He watched with a cold satisfaction as panic crossed the singer’s face.

“Danny, please. I’m sorry. Please don’t shut me out again.”

Darren reached a hand out to Daniel, who pulled away from his touch. Darren retracted his hand and looked down at his lap.

“Please,” he whispered. Daniel snapped.

“God, Darren, don’t you ever quit? I said no. And I meant it. No, this won’t work. No, I don’t want to be friends anymore; I couldn’t take it. God, I wish… I wish you had never come back here.”

Silence followed Daniel’s words. After a few unbearable minutes, Daniel chanced a look at the abnormally quiet singer. Darren was sitting, staring off into space, a look of deep pain etched on his features. Daniel realized he might have gone just a little too far with that last statement. Darren looked… broken. An icy knot formed in his stomach as the guitarist realized that he truly didn’t want to lose Darren forever, and he might have just done so.

“Darren?” He asked hesitantly. Darren slowly turned dark, blank eyes in his direction, and Daniel felt sick. This was his fault. All his fault. Without even realizing what he was doing, Daniel reached out a hand to touch that beautiful face, trying to wipe the pain that he saw off of it. Darren, however, sensed his movements and reacted. In one smooth motion, the singer twisted away from Daniel. When he again locked eyes with the tall guitarist, a smooth mask was in place. Those normally open blue eyes were shuttered, and Daniel felt a deep pang of loss, the kind he’d never felt before.

“You’re right,” Darren said coolly. “I shouldn’t have come back. This isn’t going to work.”

“Darren, I’m sorry,” Daniel pleaded, all of his anger suddenly gone. “I didn’t mean what I said. We can make it work. We just need to sit down and talk this out, like last time.”

“No.” The singer shook his head vehemently. “This won’t work. There’s too much anger and fear here to ever overcome. It’s just not worth the effort of trying anymore.”

“But I thought this was what you wanted. To try and piece us back together.”

Darren looked into his once best friend’s pleading emerald eyes, and seemed to soften. The hard tone slipped out of his voice.

“Yes, it’s what I wanted.”

“Then why are you giving up?”

“Because I can’t win this one, Danny. We can’t. And I’m too tired to try.”

Daniel felt a sudden burst of fear at the indifference in Darren’s tone. Darren was never indifferent. He was passionate and vibrant and colorful. It wasn’t like Darren to just give up, and it struck him again that he might truly lose Darren this time. And this time, he’d have no one to blame but himself.

“Too tired?” Daniel asked, trying for a teasing tone but failing miserably. “That doesn’t sound like the Darren I know.”

“Doesn’t it?” Darren asked uninterestedly. “No, I guess not. I’m not that Darren anymore, Daniel. That Darren grew up and realized that sometimes, no matter how much you want to be with someone, they just don’t want to be with you. And I’m sick of fighting for someone who doesn’t really want to be with me. I don’t care anymore, Daniel. I really don’t.”

Daniel winced at the defeat in Darren’s voice. The singer had never sounded so tired before. And he was back to calling him “Daniel”, not “Danny” or “Jonesy”. Darren was forcing distance between them again. As if emotional distance weren’t enough for the singer, he then stood up and began walking in the direction of the door.

“Darren, where are you going?” Daniel questioned, a note of panic in his voice.

“Back to my hotel. I need to get things packed if I’m going to leave tonight.”

“But… what about dinner with Kat and I tonight? You promised you’d come,” Daniel wheedled, grasping at straws.

“Yeah, well, plans change. I really have some things I need to do before I go. I have to pack, my mum needs her car back… lots of stuff. I just can’t come tonight. Tell Kathleen goodbye for me and that I’m sorry I missed her dinner. She’s an excellent cook.”

“Darren…” Daniel trailed Darren to the door, where Darren picked up his keys from the table and his jacket. “Darren, please.”

Darren ignored Daniel’s pleas, shrugging into his jacket and placing his hand on the door.

“Dazza.” Darren stopped. Daniel hadn’t called him that since… that night. “Dazza, please. Don’t leave.”

Daniel could see Darren visibly wavering. Then his eyes shut tightly and he bit his lower lip. When the singer opened them again, they were filled with a deep sadness and an equally deep resolve. Turning the doorknob, he pushed the door open and stepped outside. He stood on the porch and turned around to face Daniel one last time.

“Bye, Jonesy,” he said, then turned and walked to his car.