Alone by LQ

(Disclaimed: 'Alone', Heart)

//I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone//

1:00 am. 1:00 am. 1:01am. Tick tick tick. Looking at the red lights of the clock, I idly wondered how a digital display clock could be ticking, then remembered my hand, and therefore my watch too, were resting on the pillow next to my head. It was an oddly soothing sound. Low and repetitious, the kind of thing that usually soothed a person to sleep but not me, not tonight. I stare unblinking at the wall, or at least in the direction of the wall since it was too dark to see much of anything.

Feeling as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders I sigh and turn over. Spying the phone I stare hard at it, willing it to ring. Where are you Darren? I tried calling you five times and got no answer. Are you sleeping? If you are, is it alone? Or with someone else? Are you out with your friends having a good time? If so, what friends are they? Leonie? Some new friends you've made? Should I call again? You'd forgive me if I woke you up right? But what if you are with someone? That would upset you wouldn't it? Maybe even send you into a diva tantrum. I smile briefly at that. You and your tantrums. Believe it or not I miss them.

Impulsively I grab the phone and hit redial. Mentally crossing my fingers as it rings I sigh in disappointment when your machine answers. "Hey Daz it's me. Just returning your call. Sorry about earlier but I had to do some stuff. So uh...call me back okay? Miss you." I hung up before I said any more, like how I much I missed you. Turning over again and my eyes drift back to my clock. I'm mildly surprised to see it showing 1:02 now. A minute? That's all that has gone by? It seems like three nights have already passed and I've only been in bed for an hour. I am longing for your call and dreading it at the same time. Giving up on sleep I sit up and flick the light on, staring around my room. Guitars and other musical stuff are there, but no one else is, I'm alone.

//You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh
You don't know how long I have waited
And I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone//

When you called do you have any idea what you did to me Daz? I thought I had let go of all my feelings for you but it took one word from you to bring them all rushing back. Foolish of me to think I could get rid of almost 10 years of longing in a few months. Yes, 10 years. Almost since we first met. It was nothing but friendship at first, but as we spent more and more time I started noticing how beautiful you were. In no time I was hungering for the taste of you, to see if your lips were as sweet as they looked.

If you had answered the phone just now I would have told you. Told you everything. All the nights I spent fantasizing about you. The cold showers I took after waking up and finding you next to me after we both crashed from an all night jam session. You would know that I, Daniel Jones, love you Darren Hayes with everything I am. But you didn't answer. You weren't there. And it's driving me crazy to think you are with someone else. That someone else is maybe kissing you, touching you, driving you wild with passion. I want it to be me who does that.

//Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone//

I've always been a loner, the shy one who avoided the crowd and it suited me fine. I don't like being around a bunch of people, to have them staring at me like I'm some piece of meat to be judged and bought at their whim. But when I'm with you It doesn't matter. I thought I was in love with Michelle but what I felt for her was a candle compared to the radiant warmth and love I feel when just thinking of you. The thought of living without that warmth, that light scares me. I can feel the coldness seep into my bones. I need to tell you and it needs to be soon.

//How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone//

But how do I do it? Should I beg you to come here? Should I go to you? Will you reject me? Tell me you love me but 'not that way'? I don't know. But I better know soon, or else I will wind up alone and cold without you.

//Alone, oh alone//