Somewhere

(Disclaimed: 'Somewhere', Default)

I've seen your face somewhere before, I swear

Could it be I've met you somewhere else?

It's the way you turn and look at me

Your eyes are different but they're much the same

Daniel shook his head, frowning, as he peered into the eyes of his seven-week-old baby boy Nicholas Darren Jones. Could it be...?

No, I'm kidding myself, he thought. But still, somewhere in those blue eyes of his son, he could see a glimmer of Darren's enthusiasm and charm. Impossible. There was no way Nick and Darren were related, but yet... "Dan?" his wife Maria called from the doorway, pushing her long, wavy blonde hair behind her ears. "Daniel, honey, it's time to feed him."

Daniel kept holding Nick gently, rocking the infant slowly as he traced a finger down the baby soft skin of his arm. "You're so cute," he told his son. "You're so special." He'd been so upset, so lonely, before Maria. His best friend Darren had killed himself a long time ago. Daniel and Darren had been in love: intense, sweet, powerful. And then, abruptly, Daniel had broken up with Darren. He didn't want to be in the band anymore, and he had been frightened by his feelings. But right before the release of Darren's solo album, a crazy fan had slashed his throat. Stricken by the news of never being able to sing again, Darren had pulled out his IVs and killed himself. And then, a few months later, Daniel had met Maria. Shed helped him move on after the loss of Darren.

Have I seen you before?

As Daniel and Maria sat at the table, trying to feed Nick, Daniel was stricken by the strange, inexplicable resemblance to Darren in his son's face. "Maria," he began curiously, "do you think....?"

Maria slipped a small spoonful of baby food into Nicholas's mouth. "Do I think what?" She asked absently. "Do I think our baby is the cutest little guy on earth, next to his father?" She smiled, elbowing Daniel playfully.

Daniel frowned. "Do you think Nick kind of looks like Darren a bit?" He questioned inquisitively. "Something in his eyes. I swear, its just like Darren sometimes..."

Cocking her head to the side, Maria gave Daniel a scrutinizing look. "Darrens eyes were bluish gray, right? Nicholas's eyes are supposed to be green. How can you say they're the same?"

"No, I mean..." Daniel struggled for words. "Like, the way Nick looks at us... Man, I think it's like Darrens here with us. Here with me again. Almost."

Maria lapsed into silence as she peered closely into their baby's eyes. Suddenly Nicholas lowered an eye, seemingly voluntarily. His eyes sparkled. "Whoa," she said. "Did he just wink at us or was that automatic?"

"I don't know," Daniel shook his head. "But you can't deny the similarities between them."

Maria looked at her husband intently. "You really loved Darren, didn't you?" She murmured.

Daniel nodded. "I still feel like I killed him, somehow," he admitted guiltily. "Even now."

"It wasn't your fault," Maria whispered, wrapping her arms around her husband. "Believe it."

In the high chair, Nicholas grinned.

Heaven told me they took him somewhere

Have I seen you before?

Heaven told me they took you somewhere

Have I seen you before?

Later that night, after both Maria and Nicholas were sleeping, Daniel was still awake. He stood alone at the window, peering out into the starless night sky.

Keeping his voice down, he whispered, "Darren? Are you out there?" Obviously there was no answer. But he still spoke softly. "I know you are, Darren. Somewhere. Wherever you are, though.... Don't forget me. Where are you?" He suddenly realized his thoughts were all over the place. Sighing, he started again. "Darren, I love you, and I miss you. Please give me some sort of sign that you're still around."

Off to the side, the baby laughed in its sleep, a slight gurgling. Daniel froze and smiled softly, his mind rewinding and playing that sound over and over again.

He wished fervently there was such a thing as reincarnation. But there was no proof Despite his thoughts, Daniel turned, the soft curtain surface slipping through his fingers, as he soundlessly stepped to the crib where his son lay supposedly sleeping.

He peered over the edge of the railing at the tiny baby, breathing smoothly and regularly. "I love you," he murmured to him. "I love you so much"

I was with him when he left us

I feel he never really left at all

When I'm looking in this mirror

I see you with me and I feel so proud

Daniel smiled despite the slight pain he felt at remembering when Darren had died. He'd still been in the hospital when they'd told him he'd never be able to sing again, and that had just about killed Darren. He couldn't bear the idea of living without singing, and so he had pulled the cords. But Daniel had walked in to visit him just one second after he'd died. One second too late. For the rest of his life, Daniel had thought he would blame himself for not arriving in time. Always. But then, a few months ago, he'd been trying to write a song, and Darren had actually found a way to somehow add another verse to it, completing it, and had also written a very short message to Daniel. Daniel never had made that into a song, but he'd still kept the written copy with Darren's message in a frame upstairs on his dresser to serve as a daily reminder of their friendship and the strength of their love.

Yes, the outer appearance of Darren Hayes was lost forever, but perhaps, maybe, his soul was still with them. Maybe even watching over the three

Daniel sighed, his back at last starting to ache from standing in the same position for so long. He smiled one last smile down at his son, then walked across the room to the full length mirror on Maria's side of the bed, being careful not to wake her up. There, on the side of the mirror, they'd tucked in a small photograph of Darren's grinning face. Daniel stood still for an even longer time, just re-soaking in all the details of his best friend -- and his previous love -- 's face all over again. He kissed his fingertips and then touched them to the photo. "I'll never forget you," he said softly.

Have I seen you before?

Over the years, Nicholas's slight resemblance and similarity to Darren grew more and more. With Maria's genes, his hair was blonde and curly, like Darren's originally had been. Nicholas's eyes didn't darken to green, like Maria's doctor had claimed they would; instead they lightened to a light gray-blue color.

And his personality...!

Even at just a year and a half, Nicholas was charming, cute, adorable, and sweet. He was also mischievous, skillful, cunning, and devilish when he wanted to be. Whenever Daniel looked at him, he frowned and wondered more and more if his theory was true. Could Nicholas actually be Darren reincarnate? Or was it just an amazing coincidence that his son so resembled his best friend? The latter was way more likely.

Daniel still sometimes had no idea. Trying desperately to smile, he fed Nicholas another spoonful of chopped-up semi-adult food. "Yeah, I know you don't like eating this way," he apologized, "but everything's gotta be cut up right now. Sorry, Nick." Thoughts of Darren kept haunting him. The pale face he imagined Darren having when they told him One second too late... the note on the song... A ceaseless, permanent pain

"Daniel, honey?" Daniel turned. Standing in the doorway was Maria. She was frowning. "How are you doing, honey?" Today was the three-year anniversary of Darrens death.

He hesitated. I'm just fine. Never better. He got as far as "I'm fine--" before breaking down in tears. Immediately Maria rushed over to comfort him.

"Ohh, it's okay, baby," she murmured, holding Daniel quietly as he sobbed.

"I just cannot believe I... I cant believe he... Oh, God," Daniel cried softly.

Heaven told me they took him somewhere

Have I seen you before?

Heaven told me they took you somewhere

Have I seen you before?

Daniel rested his head on his arms, his eyes red and swollen from crying. He'd insisted to Maria that he was okay, and she'd finally believed him, leaving to take Nicholas for a check-up. But the second that she'd left, a fresh wave of tears had suddenly hit him from out of nowhere. Now he was struggling to get his emotions back together before she got home.

"Darren" he managed to whisper, pained. "I miss you so much! Why'd you have to die?" He yanked in a breath of fresh air.

There was no answer.

Sighing, he stood up and headed to the bathroom to wash his face, and hopefully rid himself of any more signs of his crying. As he rubbed his face with the hand towel, he stared at his reflection. If only he'd known, way back then... Would he have still placed the ad? It seemed like he maybe shouldn't have, but being with Darren made up for everything, all the discomfort he'd had at performing in public so much.

If only time could go backwards...

Heaven told me they took you somewhere

Have I seen you before?

No, oh... Heaven told me they took you somewhere

Have I seen you before?

Maria unlocked the door and walked in, carrying Nicholas from the car. "Daniel?" She called out. "You in here, honey?"

Daniel walked out from the first floor bathroom. "Yeah, I'm here," he replied, rubbing his face for a short moment. He took a seat on the armchair.

Maria frowned, setting Nicholas down on the living room couch and closing the door. "Daniel, are you all right, baby?"

He nodded, but his eyes didn't lie. Maria could see the tears struggling to be spilled in his eyes. She sat down on the arm of the chair next to him, tilting his face up towards hers. "Honey, it's okay," she whispered. "It's okay. You can cry."

That was all it took; that sent him into a fresh wave of tears. Maria held him gently for a while. Soon she felt a tugging at her shirt. Looking down, she realized Nicholas had toddled over to them. "Mama, I talk Dada?"

Maria nodded. "Sure, baby doll, you can talk to Daddy." She stood, and watched as Nicholas climbed up into his father's lap. Daniel gave Nicholas a weak smile.

Astonishingly, Nicholas suddenly began speaking clearer. "Daddy," he said, "it's okay. I love you and Mommy loves you!" But even more surprising... "Go ahead and cry... Danny."

All Daniel and Maria could do was stare at their son in shock.

Heaven told me they took you somewhere

Have I seen you before?

No, oh... Heaven told me they took you somewhere

Have I seen you before?

Nicholas grinned up at Dan, his heart full of love. He probably wouldn't have remembered his past life without seeing him cry

And that just brought it all back: Savage Garden... the Affirmation tour... writing songs for a solo album... breaking up with Danny... the band falling to pieces... his solo album... being attacked... the horrible news... the decision to end his life... cutting the IVs... slipping into a silent darkness... And then awakening. Being born again, literally. And how ironic was it that his middle name now was the same he'd had in his past life? It was so amazing that the body he'd been reincarnated into was Danny's son. How perfect. He'd been there that tumultuous day several months before when Daniel had ran through the streets in tears. He'd thought that was it (shortly after, he'd slipped into a strange blackness), but apparently not.

Oh, now Danny was crying again! Nicholas/Darren reached up and hugged him tightly. Through the tears, Daniel said, "Now I know Darrens back here with us again. I know it!"

Maria was moved by the whole scene. She hugged Dan and Nick. "I love you," she whispered.

Darren, Daniel, and Maria stayed in the triple-hug for the longest time, all crying happily. And Nicholas/Darren and Daniel, once again together, knew everything would be all right.