"Darren, you have got to be kidding, it is pouring rain outside." Leonie called back to me.

"Well, I am not sugar. I will not melt out there."

"Fine, it is your choice to go tromping about in the rain if you want to. Just when you get a cold, expect to hear 'I told you so,' okay?"

"Fine." I don't understand why she feels the need to act like my mum sometimes. If I want to walk in the rain that is my choice.

I walked out of the building and made it out onto the street. I was greeted by the sound of pounding rain on the sidewalk. At least it was not cold. It was rather warm. It reminds me of the summer rain I used to play in when I was a boy. I miss home. Well, more than anything I miss a certain piece of home.

After working with the band and going over the songs for the very first time was amazing. Seeing everyone again was fabulous. Just as I remembered them. Leaving was so hard. And Daniel... The whole time he bounced about the studio. Showing off his different guitars. It is a wonder he can wear so much clothing at times and not be hot. Summer is coming in and he still is wearing jeans and a sweater.

But I would love to have him here, jeans and sweater and all... He is so happy. I almost feel selfish for wanting him here with me just so I can drag him to interviews. But more than that I want to see him and hear his voice. I closed my eyes and saw Daniel's serene face.

"Daniel..." I softly say to myself.

Even though the furniture has yet to come and I still need to buy kitchen stuff. But it is home. It is my home now. This place is different from New York City somehow. More peaceful. Well, not that New York didn't have its own good points. But this city just gives my heart something that New York didn't. Maybe it is the Pacific Ocean. Who knows?

I vaguely wondered what time it was. I looked at my wrist. I had forgotten to put my watch back on. Damn. Oh well, it is really isn't too late. The rain makes it seem later than it is. It is only early evening here. That would make it early morning in Brisbane. Daniel would more than likely be sleeping in.

But I know he is not alone. He is more than likely curled around his beloved Michelle. I can't help but shudder. Their on-and-off relationship has played merry hell with my mind. Just when I think Daniel has finally given up on that woman, they get back together.

But it seems whenever we talk to each other, he sounds so distant. Like we have almost grown apart in some respects. Odd to think of us as growing apart. You know? We work so closely and spent nearly seven years as friends.

I have often wondered if he knows... if he has become aware that I love him and desire him. But then again as Leonie said one time I can't hide a damn thing, I would be better off putting a paper bag over my head and not saying anything if I didn't want people to know how I felt. I guess she is right. Everything I feel just bubbles out of me whether I want it to or not. But then again I have to have someone there who cares enough to notice.

To make matters worse Daniel has been elusive for the past few weeks. Not really answering his phone and sending short e-mails back to me and Leonie. It has made me wonder if he is okay or if something is bothering him.

I looked up at the rain and let it fall on my face. I could feel my clothes starting to get soaked. But I just trudge along. There is no need to go home. Water will not kill you. It was like I heard from someone a long time ago. 'Some people walk in the rain and others they just get wet.'

I feel that I am one of those people that walk in the rain. I don't know maybe I have felt that way long before I had the words to say so. My hair is getting really wet now... hmmm.. I shake my head back and forth. Wow... No wonder dogs shake themselves dry. I stopped to let my world stop spinning after shook my head. Much better. I started walking again.

But I do know when it happened. And now it is like a thorn in my side. Every time I look at him. Every breath I take. And I have tried, my God have I tried. I remember the day he called me one time from Brisbane at about three AM to go over something I had sent him that day. At first I was pissed at him calling me so late but so unbelievably fast I got over it. Before I knew it Daniel was rambling out a year's worth of issues. He was grumbling about his new house and the fact the dog would not house train.

The only way I can truly describe it is that it is, or rather that it was, so human. We were not talking about business or songs. Just life. It was amazing. It was great.

Never had I wished so much that I was with him. It reminded me of the old days when we lived in the flat in Sydney. We talked until dawn. When I finally did get off the phone I felt so elated. I knew then and there that I had just fallen in love with Daniel. There would never be another. He would be it.

And in my dreams my wishes were carried out. Sometimes I just hated and detested mornings with all my heart. Because that would mean that I would have to give up my dreams and face a world where my love didn't know that I loved him. The world not knowing my secret or pain just carried on in an uncaring way. No wonder I was depressed. Well, I was still a little depressed. But I think I have worked it out a little better. I am still unhappy a lot of the times but it doesn't show as much.

We share the same ocean. The Pacific. Maybe that is why I moved here. I want to share something that was the same. I know that this was the deciding factor. Whenever I get angry or depressed I always look towards the ones I love.

And now more often than I would like to admit I think about buying a boat. Just so I would have asomething that I could own that wasn't tied down.... That was free-floating. But even as I thought that I knew I could never have a boat. I gazed up at the sky again. I almost wished the moon was out.

I just wished he knew. I wish I had the spine to say, "Daniel, I love you". My God, that will be the day when hell freezes over. But no need to ever worry. I don't think I could say that to him. God knows what he thinks about me. Hell, he could already know that I am head over heels in love with him and he could just be ignoring me.

Oh, but if I could live with his love. If only he loved me. His beautiful eyes staring me down. His long fingers and big hands touching me. Long arms wrapped around me. Warm body pressed against mine. God, if I could only live in my thoughts.

I would die if I could just have him for one night. Just one night all to myself. I would gladly give up everything. It would just be a lifelong bonus if he loved and wanted me back for life. I know I could make him happy. I know I could be his strength when he needs someone to lean on. I could be his shoulder to cry on.

Already I feel I spend too much time away from Daniel. Even if we were not lovers it was nice to see him. It is always divine to smell his cologne. And to hear him ramble about the guitar and his puppies.

I wonder what I look like to people passing on the street. Here I am, a grown man walking the streets. Soaked to the bone. Wet hair. No smile. Clomping about in soggy boots. It is a wonder I am not locked up.

I feel sorry for how harshly I spoke to Leonie before I left. She meant well. I should have stayed in, I am sure. And there is a good chance I will wake up with a cold tomorrow. But I still think I made the right choice. I needed this walk. Well, moreover I think I just need to think and have private time with myself. I share my home with her, but sometimes I just crave personal space.

I just want to get away. Thank God I don't have wings. Or I would have flown away a long time ago. I would have just flown and landed somewhere far away. But I don't think  I could stay away. I need people. I need love from others. Maybe it would be my weakness. But everyone has a weakness.

Now I know I regret doing this. I should get up and change my clothes and get a warm shower and just go to bed. But the slacker in me wins out and I just lie there in wet clothes. I can feel myself drift off. So nice inside, on my warm bed. I heard the phone ring and decided to ignore it. Why bother. I don't think it is anyone I would want to talk to anyway.

"Darren?" Leonie knocked on my door.

"It is Daniel, he wants to talk to you." Leonie huffed. "Imagine that... I call him and send him several e-mails. and what does he do??? He calls and just wants to talk to you."

She tossed the phone at me and walks out shutting the door.

"Hello." I say.

"Hi, Darren. I have been thinking...."