*Life can be beautiful.* Darren pondered that statement over and over. Was it beautiful merely on its own and poor creatures just happen to notice? But life is also hard... Not just his life but the struggle to live was hard... And how did it become beautiful? Was it the hardship or the struggle... But aren't there some things that are not a struggle or a hardship?

*A baby...* That was the first thing that came to mind. *But the sheer force in which a child was even conceived with let alone how it was born was that not the very definition of struggle? The child has to fight to make itself. To be its own person. Force themselves to know their own identity and to be sure of who they are.. The sad thing was it was an uphill battle for every child and some never make it not even when they become adults.*

*Life can be beautiful...* Again the statement tormented Darren. He looked at the window. Snow. Snow was falling gracefully from the darken skies. The snow was without a doubt the most beautiful thing at the moment that Darren could think of. But the weather had to be just right.. Below a certain temperature. An arctic blast here. The right amount of pressure there. It is always something that struggled to make the beauty.

He touched the glass -- it was cool to the touch. He could feel the cold seeping from the glass and numbing his fingers. The city was blazing through the snow. No one cared that it snowed. New Yorkers lived through it every year. What they thought was a special torture only for them. But Darren could never think that way. Because when it rained that was considered the heaven's tears but what about when it snowed? What of that? Was it the feathers of angels' wings falling to earth?

Soft and light they would fall from the sky. Pile on anything and everything with a surface in a light glittery fashion. The city would wear white and shine with the golden sunlight. Darren now for reasons unknown to him except to the lost child in his mind was pressed up again the window. His nose was now pressed up against the glass in child-like wonderment of the 'angel feathers' that fell in the night. Even his breathing forced more wonderment from his mind. It was fogging up the glass... a little spot a first that kept expanding.

*Life can be beautiful... Yes, it can be. But it was that appreciation of the struggle that made it beautiful. Beauty was the snow, the child, whether the child was unborn or struggling to find itself in this big world and even the small child in his mind that just loved the snow for its simple purity. And beauty was all things.* He looked out the window again. With a sleeved arm he wiped the glass so he could see out the window. He looked for someone, anyone.. Just passing on the street below. Just a little sign that humanity was there.

But it never came. Whether it was just the night or the fact that when he decided to look for someone that no one would be there. Darren stepped away from the window. He looked around and that only confirmed what he already knew. He was alone. But his mind reminded him that he lived in an apartment building.. That meant there were others that lived with him. But they were out of sight and out of touch. He slowly made his way to the purple velvet lounge. He sat down. His body was chilled but what caused this chill? The fact that he felt alone or the cold feel of the window that he was just against? Either way it didn't matter. He reached for the soft hand-woven throw blanket and wrapped it around himself. And lay back on the lounge.

He felt himself sinking into the lounge. Every muscle relaxed. But he could not shake the feeling of being cold. He shut his eyes for the briefest of moments. How he wished he was not here alone in this dreary winter. He opened his eyes again. And what he saw was amazing: there was snow all around.. Falling on him.. Around him.. Touching his face. The softness of the icy snow stung his face. But yet it reminded him of feeling. It reminded him that he was still there.. That his body was still alive. The snow melted and made tracks down his face like tears would. So maybe snow was not angel's feathers.. But maybe there were still tears from heaven but ones to remind you that you are alive.

Darren now stood up. The lounge... the apartment... everything disappeared... all he saw now was snow. It surrounded him in a white haze. But just like before when he was in his apartment he was alone. All alone. Here in the snow. The cold was setting in, he could feel it traveling his body. The warmth was leaving him. Then everything faded to black. But there was a voice... it was calling his name...

"Darren?" Daniel gently shook Darren. He had been trying to wake Darren up for the past ten minutes. "Darren wake up... it was just a dream."

Darren opened his eyes and saw Daniel in the moonlight beside him. He quickly looked out the window. No snow fell. *Well, why would it.. This after all was San Francisco, not New York.* "Daniel..." He touched Daniel's face as if trying to place him... was he still in a dream? Was he merely the dream and the dreamer was still in the snow slowly freezing to death?

"Yeah, it's me, Darren. You pushed the covers off the bed... You feel like ice." Daniel pulled the covers off the floor, placed them back on to the bed. "Sorry I stayed up too late. I was just working in my office and when I came in here you were crying something about being cold but you were completely out of it." Daniel put on sleep attire and got into bed. He pulled Darren to him. *God he feels so cold.* Daniel wrapped himself around Darren. Daniel looked at Darren's face. His face was still dazed.

Darren looked at Daniel. He saw the concern in Daniel's eyes. And even without the concern there he could see the love... *Life can be beautiful. Yes, it was.* He touched Daniel and now while he was by his side he knew he was not alone. He could feel Daniel's touch. It was warm and it flowed from Daniel to his body all over... he felt his body warming up. Darren's eyes got heavy and he didn't fight the sleepiness, he just moved closer to Daniel and he felt Daniel's grip tighten. Then sleep came.

Daniel stayed awake for a while... He had never seen Darren so worked up in a nightmare. He just lay awake stroking Darren's hair. *He truly is beautiful.* Daniel whispered a secret 'I love you' to Darren and fell asleep.