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The shrill bell of the telephone roused Daniel from his daze and he looked around his cluttered room in confusion. It had been a while since someone had called him. After the Savage Garden split, Daniel's phone had almost been like a hotline.
Person after person calling to find out if it was true, how he felt and if he were okay but no matter how hard his friends tried, he began to withdraw into himself. He began to push everyone away until at last they let him be.
The one person he needed to hear from was the one person who never called. Never called to see if he was okay with it. Never called to see how he was taking it. Never even cared to inform him that he was going public.
The one person who seemed intent on making the entire break-up his fault.
Ignoring the insistent ringing of the phone, Daniel slowly looked around at the magazines that scattered his floor. All open to the pages where Darren continuously said that he had left the band first. That he had split them up.
He wanted to hate Darren but he couldn't. He was mad at him but try as he might, he could not hate the man that he loved. The man he had given his heart to without his knowledge. The man that had split his heart in two when he announced that Savage Garden was no longer.
Daniel wiped a stray tear from his eye then became aware that the phone was still ringing. Still demanding to be answered.
"Hello?" he said, his voice husky from lack of use and from numerous late nights of crying.
The voice that answered him sent a bolt of shock throughout his body and he almost whimpered as pain followed it.
"Danny?"
It was Darren. There was no doubt of it. Only Darren had ever called him Danny, using that voice that could make him melt in seconds.
He didn't answer. He couldn't.
"Danny, please talk to me." Darren's disembodied voice pleaded but Daniel still refused.
How dare he call him after all this time and just expect him to be thrilled to hear from him.
There was a long silence then Daniel heard Darren sigh.
"I'm in town and I'm coming over." Darren suddenly stated and then all Daniel heard was static.
By now Daniel was fuming. Was he coming over to push the knife deeper into his heart?
The last thing he needed was for Darren to come here and see what he'd done to him. The wreck he'd created with such a simple act.
Daniel rubbed a tired hand over the week's growth on his chin and grimaced.
No! He wasn't going to let Darren see him like this. He wasn't going to give Darren the satisfaction of knowing that he'd destroyed him.
Hurrying into his bathroom, he quickly showered and shaved then went in search of something clean to wear.
The task proved difficult, as Daniel had grown less and less interested in caring for himself after Kathleen had left him. He'd cared for her and she'd just left him. Just like Darren had just left him.
If they could cease caring about him like that, then why should he bother?
Finally locating an almost clean pair of faded denim jeans and a simple grey t-shirt, Daniel ran his long fingers through his hair, feeling human for the first time in a month.
Knowing he didn't have long before Darren would arrive, Daniel hurried around his house, grabbing the magazines that had become carpeting in his depression, stowing them messily on his bed, until it looked habitable.
Dishes were piled in the sink and even more in the dishwasher but Daniel ignored them. There was no time to even attempt to clean them.
As he moved, he found himself growing more and more angry, planning what he was going to say to Darren when he saw him. Planning to slam the door in his face before he ever had a chance to set a single foot inside Daniel's haven.
His carefully planned speech died on his lips when he opened the door.
Darren had changed drastically and although he'd seen Darren's transformation in the magazines, seeing him in person took his breath away.
His golden hair curled around his cheeks, framing his rounded face, giving him a cherubic appearance.
His blue eyes shone out from his long, dark lashes and Daniel struggled not to drown in them.
His clothing matched the carefree style of his hair yet he still looked amazing in his favourite '[V]' shirt and old black jeans.
Just looking at him, Daniel felt his heart break more. He loved Darren so much. Why didn't Darren see that?
"What do you want?" he asked finally, his body barring Darren from entering his home.
"I came to...we...Danny, I really think we should talk..." Darren stammered, slightly taken aback by the lack of emotion in Daniel's tired voice.
"I think it's a bit late for that now, don't you? I think you've said all you needed to in those interviews. Why don't you just come out and put the blame on me and be done with it?"
"No I didn't...I won't. They took my words out of context. I never said them like that." Darren was almost pleading now; his blue eyes appealing to Daniel's faded green ones.
"I would have stayed in the group if you had asked me. I would have done anything for you if you'd asked me. But you didn't. Instead you chose to take away the one thing that mattered the most to me in the whole world. I think you should go."
Surprised at how calm he was sounding when inside he was in turmoil, Daniel attempted to close the door on Darren, trying not to look in his eyes for fear that his resolve would crumble.
Of course he didn't account for Darren's stubborn streak and flinched slightly as Darren's hand forced the door and himself back, allowing the singer to enter at last and close the door firmly behind him should Daniel try and shove him back out.
As Darren stood in shock, surveying what was once an immaculate front hall, Daniel fell apart; tears of pain beginning to stream down his thin face, flowing faster as Darren's arms instantly enveloped his shaking body.
"Why did you have to come here? Why couldn't you have stayed away like before?" he cried, his fists beating against Darren's hard chest as he struggled against his encircling arms.
But, try as he might, he could not make Darren let go of him. Even when his tired legs gave way underneath him and he crumbled to the floor, Darren did not let go of him, all the while whispering soothing words.
When his sobs subsided, Daniel finally went limp in Darren's arms, no longer fighting him.
Still Darren held him. His small hands stroking up and down Daniel's long back, attempting to comfort but only deepening Daniel's pain.
"Why did you come here?" he asked as last, raising his head and being ensnared by the two sapphires that looked down at him with... compassion? Sympathy?
"Because I had to see you. I had to tell you that I never blamed you for the split. The magazines seemed determined to make it seem that way but I never blamed you. I blamed me. I pushed you. I made you do something you didn't want to. I made you stay when you wanted to go. I made you miserable"
"No...no you didn't. I was never miserable because..." Daniel took a deep breath. "...Because you were there...with me..."
Darren's eyes widened slightly and his mouth opened and closed a few times as he saw the real meaning, behind Daniel's words, in his sad green eyes.
"Danny...?" Darren began but no matter how he tried, his mouth could not form the words he wanted to ask.
Daniel sighed deeply but took comfort from the fact that although he'd just shown Darren his heart, told him the truth; Darren's arms still remained firmly around him, somewhat tighter if possible.
Silence reined the room as Darren struggled to come to terms with Daniel's admission then finally he spoke.
"Danny...why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper.
"What difference would it have made? It would have only pushed the wedge in deeper..." Daniel mumbled as he buried his face in Darren's chest, committing his scent to memory as he waited for Darren to push him away.
"No...it would have removed the wedge..." was Darren's reply and Daniel looked up quickly, seeing that the look he'd seen in Darren's eyes earlier was neither compassion nor sympathy. It was the one thing he craved.
It was a look that said that eventually everything was going to be okay. That although Savage Garden was over, something more beautiful was about to begin.
Burying his head against Darren's chest once more, Daniel moved his arms that were still sandwiched between their two bodies and tentively wrapped them around Darren's waist, tightening his embrace slightly as Darren's only reaction was to press his lips against the top of Daniel's head.
~finis~
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