//"Don't you get it Jonesy?! It's you! It's always been *you*!"//
Daniel felt his head begin to pound as he remembered the words. How could he have been so blind? How did he not realise what was in front of him? He shook his head and silently bereated himself for being so oblivious to Darren's feelings for him, for denying what he was feeling within himself. It wasn't as if Darren tried to hide what he felt, he'd given Daniel enough clues. Daniel sighed to himself as he recalled being on-stage somewhere in Europe, London he seemed to think, Darren breaking the set list to include a cover of an old song. It was a public seduction, Daniel knew that now. He closed his eyes as the memory of a leather-clad Darren entered his mind, his body glistening with the faint film of sweat as he prowled the stage, his cerulean blue eyes fixed firmly on Dan as his voice bit out the lyrics....
//"I often tell myself that we could be more than just friends I know you think that if we move too soon it would all end I live in misery when you're not around..."//
Daniel shuddered as he remembered the passion on Darren's face, the pleading look he sent him, beseeching him to understand and react to what he felt so violently. He watched mesmerized as Darren danced about the stage, his body writhing with every beat, his muscles lengthening and contorting to twitch his limbs into a provocative and sensual groove. Daniel had watched, jealousy highlighting his emerald green eyes as Darren flirted and sang to Angie, his eyes always fixed on Daniel's face.
//"What's it gonna be?
'Cos I can't pretend... I can't pretend, no
Don't you wanna be more than friends?
Hold me tight and don't let go.
You've the right to lose control....."//
Daniel shivered involuntarily, his body reacting more to memories than to his current situation. Sudden flashes of after the show, the frantic motions of their first time together, clothes quickly discarded, flesh upon flesh, mouths seeking and finding the other, kisses being placed everywhere, hands reaching for each other, the sweet searing pleasure of having Darren inside of him.....Daniel wiped his brow, it felt like only yesterday.
//"I often fantasize the stars above are watchin' you
They know my heart and speak to yours as only lovers do
If I could wear your clothes...
I'd pretend I was you and lose control......"//
It took that song, that public declaration of attraction to wake Daniel from his daze. The spitefulness in Darren's voice that night was something he'd never forget, he wanted Daniel to hurt, to feel some sort of pain for the anguish Darren himself was going through...and it worked....
//"Runnin' in and out my life has got me so confused
You gotta make the sacrifice
Somebody's gotta choose
We can make it if we try
For the sake of you and I
Together we can make it right......."//
With every lyric, he felt the tiniest stab of pain embed itself into his heart, he realised then how much he'd hurt Darren with his blindness, with his denial, with his reluctance to give into his emotions......his reluctance to lose control. He'd tried to make up for it, that night and every night after, telling Darren he loved him, admitting for the first time exactly how he felt about his best friend, but it was too little too late.......
An argument, a silly, petty, idiotic argument became their undoing. Daniel questioned Darren's feelings for him and in consequence, questioned his own for Darren. Fury had colored Darren's pale features as he'd screamed the revelation to Daniel that there had never been anyone but him in his life, that he'd always loved Daniel and only Daniel.
Daniel refused to believe him.
In a rage, Darren stormed out of the house, leaping into his car and driving off.
"So this is my fault...."
Daniel knelt before a simple granite stone, the figure of an Angel in prayer. He placed a singular long-stemmed red rose on the soft grass and bowed his head as tears sprang to his eyes. His Darren, his angel....his star...gone. Claimed too soon by a drunk driver, he died never knowing how much Daniel cared for him, how afraid he was to ever lose him....How much Daniel loved him. With his eyes bleary from tears, he looked up at the headstone.....
"....I'm sorry I let you go....."
