[Moonchild still lives in my heart. Can I ask you something? Is your life better now? / Sometimes I feel you're sitting next to me and listening to my stories. Time always shows me it's hard to understand how to be myself. / Moonlight dries your tears, moonlight hides your fears. / Sometimes I feel you're smiling at me and telling me your memories. Tide always moves fast, can you tell me how to find words inside a shell?]

 

And here it is, July 22, 2001. The day 28 years ago that my life changed course.

You wander around like Alice did in wonderland. So confused.....
Do you know what you were supposed to do?
With this life you were given.....?

They say that when a person touches your life, you're never the same.
Well, your touch seduced me.....where does that put me?

Yes, Daniel in Wonderland.
But why won't you come back out to me?
You live in a world of leather and lace....of black and white.
And in between.

Perfection.

It's your birthday, again, and you are all alone...
Please let someone in.
Let someone near you!

Let ME near you.
I want to be everywhere.....my name on your lips.
My hands on your hips.
My body snug inside yours.

So here we are.....sitting 6 feet apart, a million miles away.....I know you see me.
I know you know I'm here......
The candles are burning...28 of them....all around you.

I'm sorry I didn't put them on the cake.....I didnt want the smoke detector to ruin the moment.
No, instead we'll make do with 28 tealights....they dance around your face.
All around you.

They accentuate the stubbly skin, the succulent lips....the ones I want so much to kiss.
The thick corded neck........Daniel, can't you see
They're making love to you!

But you don't care.....your eyes are so dark.....Daniel, there are times when your eyes turn so....
Lifeless and cold I wish to run from you......

You're emaciating away....you're fading from me....
Don't you still enjoy life? I thought you did.
You need something of substance.

Should I let you go? Am I burdening you.....?
I'm sorry......please say something..

"Dazza......" your husky voice spills into the air. And lanky muscled arms wrap around my waist, liquid tan filled shapes engulfing me as I slide back on the couch to be possessed.
I now lean back, back pressed into your bony side, gazing thoughtfully at the wall....

"Mmmm?" all rational thought has been discarded.

"Why was I put here?" you say, utterly bewildered. And not thinking....I reply.
"I don't know, Alice...."

And you smile, your cheeks lifting abit, your eyebrows with obvious question.

"I was thinking how much you are like 'Alice in Wonderland...and it slipped." And I move to sit in your lap. Your eyes hold obvious question.
We were always intimate....

But not that intimate.

Best friends, yes,...but never this honest.

Brutal reality was never your friend. And I look up into the startling green universes.....the ones that drown me in a hundred oceans.

A thousand stars sprinkled like diamonds in the sky.....ice glaring...
Like the ice that is settled in the small velvet box.

Ah, your gift.....we havent gotten to that yet.
The time isn't right.

Yeah, the window fogs up....I don't know how you can stand the air being up so high.....
And the cool mingles with the heat of late July.

I close my eyes, snuggling closer....saying the first things that come to my mind.
'...echoes fade and memories die: Autumn frosts have slain July..... You still haunt me, phantom wise, Alice moving under the skies never seen by waking eyes...." and my breath rests on your lips, barely touching yours....softly cushioning mine, breath intermingling in the small space between.

It seems Lewis Carroll has once again said everything I need to say.....

"Dazza...that was beautiful...." I dont have the heart to tell you I didn't write it.....*smile*
And so you open the presents...one by one, a slice of cake, effectively fed to you by moi....

And as I wipe the corner of your mouth, I kiss the sides, and swallowing deeply, I pull the box out from hy pocket. It holds my future.....and maybe yours too.

"Here, Jonesy.......Happy........Happy forever......" and the tears come.

I've never been so unsure, so....baffled by feelings....
But I know they're right.

They flow down my face, tracing paths down my face, dropping off my chin into oblivion....
"July 22, Jonesy.......you're a Cancer.......please....moonchild.....be my everything....for once, make the first move....let go of your hesitation.....pull my tides......" And I sink to my knees by the window.
I refuse to look at you.

I can't take the rejection.

And you spoke.....
"Dazza......Darren. "
"Just....just fuckin' say no then......just say NO!" I yell, impatient for response.
And arms move to coil around me again, having stood from your throne of a couch.

A whisper.
A breath.

"I do....oh, how I do, Darren....." and a wet drop hits the back of my neck. And all I can do is smile.
"Good...how wonderful." And a kiss....pure, chaste....delicate.

"But Dazza.....something's missing...." You say, pulling back.
''Wha....what?" I am baffled!!

And you run off to your desk, get a sticky note, and scribble some words on it.
SMACK!
Right on my boxer clad crotch.

I jump back in suprise, and look in the mirror, reading the note.

"eM knirD" Hmmm.........

I pull it off, and read again.

"Drink Me" ...........

Hehehe.........ohh.....ohhhhhhh....Jonesy......

And "Alice's" tongue entices me, swirling......tempting me....into his wonderland....

But I'm already there.

A ring of promise.....silk sheets, and a velvet mouth.....I bet Alice's Wonderland was never like this heaven.....

But then again, I guess heaven is nothing compared to this paradise.......