All I See by LindaG

My love came back to me
Under the November tree
Shelterless and dim.
He put his hand upon my shoulder,
He did not think me strange or older,
Nor I, him.
- - Frances Cornford's "All Souls' Night"

“Daniel?” I lick my dry lips, but my tongue is too dry moisten the cracked skin. “Why… why are you here? Why now?”

“I—I thought maybe we could talk… It’s been a long time, Darren.”

I nod my head. It has been a long time. We’ve both lost friends and loved ones. “Wh—what do you want to talk about?”

“I’m not sure. I just wanted to see you again.”

That awkwardness is still there, palpable in the air between us, after all these years, just like it was yesterday.

“Daniel… Thanks for coming…” Tears begin to slide down my cheeks. “I—I’m sorry, Daniel. So very, very sorry.”

“Hey, none of that… It’s okay. I’m sorry, too.”

What does he have to be sorry for? I was the one who pushed him… onward, outward, away. Kept him at bay all these years. I wish I’d had sense enough to listen to my regrets and act on them, instead of acting the child I never quit being… never grew out of…

I used to blame that on you, too. For codling me when we began. Giving in to my needs, my wants, my desires. Well, most of them. There was that one thing that you never gave in to me for… and I nurtured my anger for a long time over that one failure.

I start when I realize his hand is on my cheek and turn to look at him. The tears come faster now. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Daniel. It was all my fault. Everything was. I—I know that now… I just couldn’t find the strength to face you.”

My body begins to shake from the force of my anguish. It isn’t until I am gasping for breath that I realize strong arms are wrapped around me. Holding me. A hand rubs my back, while soothing murmurs caress my ears. I gasp deeply to fill my needy lungs.

“I could have handled my part differently, too. We both had our shortcomings. We’re only human, after all.”

I wish right now I could hold him, too. But the coughing spell has left me too weak to do more than twitch my arms spastically. He hugs me tighter in response.

“I was hoping we could get to know each other again.”

“Look at me, Daniel. Really look at me. I don’t have much time left.” I manage to say after he gently lays me back down.

Then he smiles. That wonderful smile that outshone the sun. That smile I’ve longed to see once more. His fingers brush over my cheek and along my jaw, and I can’t help but turn my face into his touch as tears threaten again.

"All I see is the guy that I shared the better part of my younger life with. I’d like to get to know him again.”

He can’t mean that… the better part? Must be a figure of speech. Or words to cheer — still, he’s offering what I’ve wanted most. A chance to try to make right what went wrong so long ago. And I need this. I crave this. More than life itself.

“Hello, I’m Darren. I’d like to try out for the position of friend.” I smile up at him.

I can just manage a shadow of my cheeky grin. It must have worked. He chuckles and pulls up a chair, and we talk into the night.