The Space Between by Gemma

The hotels were the same in every city. It was only the little details that changed, the pattern on the bed sheets, the brand of shampoo, perhaps the layout of the room. Daniel spent every night in a hotel in the same way. He never stayed behind after shows, escaping back to whatever air-conditioned sanctum he was staying in this week. He kept himself distanced, apart. What had Darren said? That he missed him even on-stage together. It was however much safer that way.

He would play out that night's show in his head, the brightness of the lights and the roaring of the crowds, but most of all Darren. The sound of his voice soaring up into the sky, the look on his face as he sang, the way his body moved. The sheen of sweat on his skin...The arousal would sweep over him as he never allowed it to do on-stage, and he would lie down on the soft hotel bed and think of Darren, but here, lying beside him, using that voice to whisper things that made Daniel blush even to think of them, peeling off the tight clothing he favoured, mussing the carefully done hair. And when the Darren in his head was naked, his hand would snake down his chest, ghosting over his nipples, to the waistband of his pants. It was at this point he would begin to feel vaguely guilty, like he was using his friend in some way. But by this point he was too far- gone to stop, and his hand would be inside his trousers, touching himself. But in his head it was Darren's un-calloused fingers, not his own, which were roughened by years of bass and guitar. When he came, he didn't allow himself to cry out, but merely whimpered, Darren's name softly escaping his lips.

The night in San Francisco ran just the same way. The show was electric, Darren buzzed with manic energy, his smile and voice enchanted the crowd, who chanted his name with an almost religious fervour. His performance entranced even Daniel, who played his part almost mechanically, his mind more on the swaying of Darren's hips and ass than his playing. It was Darren's home town now, his playground, full of beauties waiting for him. He himself ached for the days of the first album, the quiet togetherness. But Darren loved this. He for his part, would have been happier off-stage, somewhere in the background. He didn't belong here under the bright lights and publicity. It was only after the show that the ritual was upset. Instead of retreating to a bar or restaurant with a pretty girl, Darren grabbed his arm with the smile that made Daniel go weak at the knees.
"Hey, why don't you and me go out tonight? You never go out anymore." You never see me anymore. Like I said, parallel but never meeting. It hurts me. I miss you. "Okay." The word came out quietly, nervously.
"Great. There's a new restaurant opening in the Castro." He winked cheekily, and grabbed Daniel's hand, dragging him out to the waiting limousine.
The Castro? He must be kidding, the entire world thinks we're fucking already and showing up at a restaurant in the bloody CASTRO is going to make it worse. We're also going to be surrounded by men kissing all night, which I do not need! The ride was torture. Darren sat almost unbearably close, touching Daniel to point out things through the windows. When they finally arrived, the bright flashes of cameras blinded his eyes. But he could feel Darren standing close, his hand brushing his own. They were seated at a table for two, with a candle in the middle. The entire setting was so romantic it was a cliché. He wondered idly what Darren was thinking, why he'd chosen this place. And then...
"What do you think?" Stop walking away from me, asshole.
"Hmmm?" He was startled by the question, which Darren was asking earnestly.
"What do you think of the restaurant?"
"Nice place. I'll wait until we get the food to place my final judgement." He smiled.
Darren's eyes sparkled with mischief.
"Look at that couple over there.." I wish we were them, I wish that you'd open up to me again. Under all this I'm still Darren. You wanted me once.
The couple at the table opposite were holding hands and leaning in, all others forgotten. They looked at each other like nobody else existed. There was another watching them also, Daniel noticed, a young woman with a compact blonde man. They were the only straight couple in the whole restaurant. The woman looked at them as mischievously as Darren, the man smiled indulgently. She met Daniel's eyes and winked, before turning back to her food and lover. She thought we were together too...we'll be lucky if it isn't in the Enquirer tomorrow.
Darren's eyes were still on the other two men. He gazed at them almost...longingly. Surely not.
Darren turned back to him, before mumbling, "I have to go to the bathroom." His eyes no longer sparkled, instead they seemed sad. He got up and left. I need to get away...

Five minutes later, Daniel began to fidget. What was taking Darren this long? He got up and followed the signs to the bathroom.
"Darren? Are you ok?"
"I'm fine, just feel a bit ill." Sick inside. You're leaving me more every day. We were partners, friends. I thought maybe we could be lovers...
"Shame, we haven't even eaten yet." He followed the general direction of Darren's voice (he was quite sure that he could follow that voice anywhere) and knocked on the door.
"You decent?"
A muffled assent came from the cubicle.
"Let me in then."
"No!" Vehement.
"Why not? If you're sick..."
"I'm not sick Daniel." The sound of the voice, however clipped and frustrated, spurred him on.
"Why all this hiding in the toilet then? Very high school girl."
"Shut up Daniel." But this time there was a slight amusement, as if Darren had realised the silliness of his actions.
The door clicked open, and Daniel opened the door and closed it again. We'll probably get caught, then arrested for lewd conduct. If only...
Darren at on the toilet, head in his hands, face turned up to Daniel. He sniffed slightly, wrinkling his nose.
"I asked you here tonight to tell you something, but it's stupid. I think we should just forget it, go out to the table and enjoy the meal." You'll never get it. I feel so much, and I can't hide it anymore. I'm transparent.
"I think you should tell me. We've been friends how long?"
"Years. And years and years..." A small smile, a little of the shine back in the eyes.
"Well then. Show a little trust."
Darren drew himself up slightly and ran his fingers through his hair. Daniel noted that his hands trembled slightly.
"I kind of brought you here to tell you that I've fallen for a man." It all came out in a rush, breathless and apologetic.
"I brought you to the Castro to see how you reacted, in case you were really against the idea." Daniel's heart sank a little more with every word. He was surprised there hadn't been a loud snap, as he felt his heart break.
He spoke then, though his voice trembled slightly. "I'm not against it in any way Darren, and I can't believe you'd think me so callous as to not want your friendship because you love a man." Even though the man isn't me...even though I feel like he's breaking me apart...even though I'll never be happy about it... But who was it? Names and faces flashed through his mind, each more handsome than the last.
"Who then? Do I get to meet him or do I know him already?"
"You know him already very well." Darren still fidgeted.
"Is he on tour with us?" A breath exhaled from Darren.
"Yes. He's very important."
"Bloody hell! Just tell me already!"
"You."

A whisper, but he heard it. Darren's head hung, and he could have been crying or laughing hysterically. Darren never cried, as he was the happy one, who absorbed all the light and attention, and loved it. The other side had only been hinted at, alluded to in the lyrics of his songs. Daniel reached out unthinkingly to grasp his head between his hands. Tilting Darren's face up, he placed a soft kiss on his lips. Darren hiccuped, and sniffed again.
"What?!"
"I.. haven't always been completely honest either. I'm batty about you."
"Batty? What kind of a word is that? And why didn't you say something?...Oh never mind." And with that he reached up to give Daniel the kiss of his life.

They left the bathroom, getting several funny looks, but a smile from the woman who'd smiled before. Enquirer here we come...SAVAGE GARDEN IN TOILET SEX ROMP... Darren's head swam. Daniel had kissed him, held him. If they'd stayed there any longer there would have been a George Michael style expose in the next day's paper. The tall, lean man across from him seemed all new. Daniel had wanted him way back when, Darren knew, but he never wanted to risk what was quickly becoming the most important friend in his life. But later, Daniel's distance began to scare him. He realised how much he meant. More than a friend, more than maybe even the music and the fame. If Daniel so requested, he'd give it all up. Miss it surely, but not as much as he'd miss his friend. Partner. Lover, or soon to be so.
"Let's go."
Daniel's voice was quiet and low, his lips close to his ear. Darren shivered lightly, and waved the waiter over for the bill.

This is more like it...the limo ride of my fantasies...almost enough to make me like this fame thing.
They sat in backseat of the limo, Darren on Daniel's lap. They kissed long and deep, tongues and teeth clashing madly. Darren rocked slowly on his groin, squirming and driving himself down onto Daniel's erection. Daniel for his part was wildly trying to cover every inch of Darren's body with his hands, slipping them down the back of his waistband to cup the ass he was so taunted with every night. They arrived at the hotel flushed and aroused. The driver seemed to have ignored the pants and sighs coming from the back seat and kept an utterly straight face as Darren tipped him. Daniel would have loved to have held his hand through the lobby, as if to say 'look at this beautiful creature...and guess what? He's mine!' But it was impossible. The crowd in the elevator also foiled his need to touch Darren. The quicksilver vocalist fidgeted and looked at Daniel longingly the whole way up, licking his lips and shifting slightly on the balls of his feet.

The very final floor was theirs. Totally taken up by tour personnel and family, the room next to Darren's belonged to Leonie Messer, who at this moment was sticking her head out of the door, chewing a fingernail anxiously.
"Darren! Where did you go?" She narrowed her eyes.
"With Daniel. We went for dinner." He drew himself up and spoke firmly. At the same time he moved closer to Daniel, and Daniel put a proprietary hand to his shoulder. Leonie's eyes widened.
"Night." She said quietly and drew back into her room.
Daniel leaned in and kissed his neck, teeth nibbling slightly, tongue soothing over it as Darren pulled out his key and opened his room.
"Why do you stay here when you've got an apartment here?"
"I like being close to everyone." Darren shrugged. He turned and took Daniel's hand, leading him into the room.
The kisses were frantic again. They'd wanted each other too long for anything to last. Both sets of hands were almost desperately rough, as they divested each other of their clothes and Darren got to his knees. Daniel gasped, and grasped at his hair, trying to bring him up.
"No. I've wanted to do this for ages. I've been desperate to do it on-stage, you just look so fucking sexy..." And with that he proceeded in an attempt to suck Daniel's brains out through his dick.
And to think I thought he'd never even want me.
The orgasm that followed was hard and intense, and he slumped down onto the edge of the bed, hauling Darren up to kiss him again. They lay as in Daniel's fantasy. Darren's hair was mussed, his cheeks flushed, his breathing heavy and short. As they lay, Darren leaned up to bite Daniel's earlobe. His hard-on was brushing Daniel's thigh. He moved suddenly, straddling his hips. He leaned down to kiss Daniel again, slow and soft this time, no hurry. He began to rock again as he had in the limo, only this time his pace became faster, more frantic. Kisses again, only needy and demanding. Daniel wasn't just lying there, his hands were moving again, feeling and memorising. The climax came, and Darren whimpered and moaned, coming in hot, sticky bursts across Daniel's chest.

The next day dawned brightly, and they woke wrapped in each other's arms.
The way we should have been a long time ago. If I hadn't been so chicken shit we would have been. And just then, Daniel awoke, muddy blonde hair askew and eyes filled with sleep. He smiled then, the shy smile that Darren remembered from the first days. He put his hand under the covers to feel Daniel's morning wood. He wrapped his fingers around it and began to steadily work it, all the time keeping contact with those amazing eyes.
"I think we're going to have to..." Daniel gasped. "Talk."
"Why?" He continued his movements and grinned seductively.
"The band. Leonie. The press." His mind was suddenly full of worry, and his face crinkled. Darren paused.
"Everyone thinks that we've been going at it for years anyway. Like my ex-wife for example. Don't worry. As long as I don't fuck you live on-stage I think we should be fine. And Leonie has known how I feel about you for ages." A pause. "I loved you way back when. But I was still married, and I didn't want to fuck the whole band thing up, y'know?"
"Yeah. I've always...been attracted to you. I was the minute you walked through the door. But as you said...anyway, I realised halfway through the first album that I was absolutely crazy about you and that I loved you."
Darren gave up on the hand-job. The moment for it was lost, the heaviness of the words Daniel'd said weighed him. He simply curled back into Daniel's side and enjoyed being held.

Leonie was subdued at breakfast. She eyed Daniel with barely held-in envy, and Darren with a kind of wistful sadness. She'd known he loved Daniel, but had never dreamed the quiet man would love him back...and had always hoped that he'd somehow see her, and maybe love her. But Daniel had surprised her. He sat beside Darren, smiling calmly as Darren flirted mercilessly with him. He turned around to whisper something in Darren's ear, and the other man blushed deeply. It was the first time she'd ever seen anything make Darren blush, and she guessed it must have been exceptionally rude.
The quiet ones always surprised you.