I once loved a man- from heaven sent
He was beautiful in every way
My dear husband- I must lament
My tale- what I have to say

To you I walked, from the aisle route
To have and to hold and to love till the end
What I didn't realize, I was soon to find out-
The best man was your newly found boyfriend!

I first had some speculation
With the blond- the one in your band
But I didn't think much of it-
What in the world's on right your hand?

Despite the fact of this other man
I still loved you with all my heart
So I took the vows- I never ran
The strangest marriage I did start

The honeymoon of course was great
Even though he came along- that sod-
I really had thought you were straight
Till I walked into the bedro- oh my God!!

To our new home we moved in
Does he have to come with? Oh fine-
I'm beginning to resent this ridiculous sin-
Put that down! That dildo is mine!

I don't mind sharing the bed with him
Though cramped, never uttered a peep
But please- can't you try to keep it down?
Good Lord- I'm trying to sleep!

In the morn' I don't need an alarm clock
None of that ringing incessantly
I awake to moans, curses, and "oh my cock!"
And the occasional cry of ecstasy

Though I do find it quite awkward
When I wish to ready for the day
Always together in the shower- absurd?
I'm never really quite sure what to say

It wasn't like you ever ignored me-
But no sex is just plain awful- don't you see?
And please don't ask me to join you
Threesomes are not my cup of tea

For three years I suffered in silence
Till I could finally take it no more
I gave you an ultimatum
And left for a drink- out the door

I don't know if you were upset
By your cries I could never tell
For when I came back home all I heard-
Was "Oh Danny- so good- bloody hell!!"

Up to the bedroom I trudged
Seeing white, black, blond, and a tan-
Oh God- please put some clothes on!
You're not that big- deal with it man!

Divorce? Yes dear, that's what I said
Together forever you two belong
No that's all right, you can stay in bed
This'll make great lyrics for a twisted song

Write on here love- above the dotted line
That's right- I know it's hard to do
To scribble on some lawyer's papers
When he's hurriedly fucking you

A few months later I'm single
I miss you oh I can't lie- I do!
But it's nice to have my own bed again
And to have a wonderfully quiet loo

I still keep in touch to this day-
I do love you- my first love- dear friend
Here is my card for your wedding
I love you- my beautiful gay husband!