Darren softy sang.

'...for he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled...'

He looked across at Dan and smiled. They were sat on Daniel's bed, the rain beating down against the window panes providing a strangely rhythmic accompaniment to Darren's playing.

'Hey,' Daniel said, suddenly remembering something, 'nearly forgot. I've got a surprise for you.' And reaching into his back pocket he pulled out two concert tickets, the word 'Fillmore' clearly visible in bold lettering.

Picking up the tickets a look of incredulity crossed Darren's face 'Doors tickets? How could you 'nearly forget' something like that?' Darren practically burst Daniel's eardrums in his excitement.

'How on earth did you manage to get these anyway?'

'Now you forget. I work in a record store dummy.' Daniel grinned. 'So do you want to go?'

'With you? YES!' Darren put aside his guitar and launched himself at Daniel, pushing him over flat on his back, their lips meeting as Darren expressed his gratitude.

Once he had got his breath back Daniel was only too happy to open his mouth and grant entry to Darren's hot, questing tongue. His hands found the hem of Darren's flowing paisley shirt and moments later were roaming over bare skin.


The auditorium was dark and vast, the air heavy with the sickly sweet smell of dope, everyone pressed in closer and closer, waiting for the moment when the stage would be lit and the band appear.

Darren's hands crept round Daniel's waist, hugging him from behind. Leaning into the embrace Daniel smiled, delighting in the intimacy, knowing that no one near them was paying them the slightest attention nor, he doubted would most people here care. At least he hoped not.

All around people started stomping their feet, calling for the band. They were already an hour past the billed showtime.

The chant grew, the noise increasing. Daniel and Darren joined in.

'We want The Doors. We want The Doors.'

The crowd worked itself steadily towards fever pitch.

A few of the police trying to keep order down the front looked distinctly uneasy. To say the band had a reputation for inciting trouble was an understatement.

Darren felt Daniel involuntarily tense in his arms and risked a quick kiss to the base of his neck in silent reassurance.

At this Daniel entwined their fingers and gently squeezed his response.

Then, from the still darkened stage, a lone drumbeat started. It was soon joined by a guitar and then the unmistakable sound of Manzarek's keyboards.

The shouting and yelling that accompanied this was deafening as the main stage lights went up and the leather clad figure of Morrison strutted out onto the stage.

Leering at the crowd, he grabbed the microphone and began to screech out the opening song.

'Five to one baby, one in five

No one here gets out alive'

Bending down the singer picked up one of the many joints that had been thrown at his feet and lit it, a nearby policeman rushing over and telling him to put it out.

As usual Morrison completely ignored him, blowing smoke in the officer's face in an act of defiance or was it just total disregard?

'They've got the guns but we've got the numbers'

The crowd cheered once more and Darren thought he would be lucky if he had any voice left at all come tomorrow.

The band, or perhaps more specifically Morrison himself, seemed to carry the crowd along with them. The songs had an anger to them. Anger at the establishment, the law enforcement officers who were present, anger at whoever happened to cross them, an anger it seemed at life its very self.

The music had a raw intensity to it that even now was not found in a lot of the music the two men usually listened to. Darren with his passionate, entreaty filled protest songs, no less angry but just it seemed in a more controlled manner and Daniel with his usual fare of local San Franciscan bands coupled with such English imports as The Beatles and The Stones.

Another draw for both men was the persona of Morrison himself, proudly dancing 'round the stage as if it was his own, which of course it was. A persona that literally radiated sexuality. Tight leather trousers, shirt open to the waist exposing his chest, the object of admiration for many of the audience both male and female. He had adorned the cover of practically every popular magazine at one time or another.

'So is that for me or him?' Daniel enquired as Darren pressed himself firmly up against him.

Darren's fingers lightly pinching his arse led Daniel to the conclusion that Darren was trying to convince him that it was all his own doing.

The tightness in his own trousers made Dan suspect though that what he felt so teasingly behind him wasn't entirely down to his presence.

He had to admit it was an incredibly intoxicating atmosphere. The music, the people, Darren, the smell of sweat, dope and incense.

'And it's all over for the unknown soldier...'

Densmore rapped out a staccato beat and then silence.

A crash on the snares rang out eerily like the gunfire it was intended to represent.

Daniel felt a chill run the length of his spine. He wasn't sure if they still shot people for desertion but in the current climate the song hit home with a striking accuracy.

Darren risked another quick kiss. 'Ok?' He shouted over the combined noise of the music and the crowd.

'Yeah.' Dan mouthed back, nodding his head for emphasis and once more he pushed any thoughts of the draft to the back of his mind. He had much more important things to concentrate on right now.


~Chapter Ten - '...billion-year-old carbon...'~

Daniel was not having a good day. He had overslept and as a result had ended up being late for work and while Michael didn't exactly ball him out he wasn't too happy.

To make matters worse Darren had an important test that he needed to study for and Daniel hadn't seen him for the last four days.

Listlessly he shifted around boxes in the stock room. Michael had got him doing an impromptu inventory. Daniel suspected in part as a response to his tardiness that morning.

'Dan, a bit of care please.' Michael admonished as he walked in and saw Daniel plonk down another box without much regard for its contents.

'Huh? Oh sorry.'

Michael relented.

'Look why don't you go out and serve for a bit. I'll finish up in here.'

'No, I'm fine.'

'Go.' Michael took the check sheet from Daniel's hands and forcibly ushered him back into the main shop.

Not surprisingly for this time of day, the shop was deserted except for one lone customer perusing the classical section. Daniel reasoned that she was going to be a while making her selection so instead idly pulled Michael's daily paper towards him for a quick read.

The front page headline, naturally enough concerned the war in Vietnam but this one sickened Daniel to his very core.

'VIETNAMESE CIVILIANS MASSACRED BY U.S. SOLDIERS'

The article went on to describe how a platoon of American G.I.s had gone on the rampage in what they had been led to believe was a Vietcong village. What they had found were old men, women and children.

Daniel sighed and leant his elbows on the counter.

Was there to be no end to the carnage? These were innocent people, murdered by American soldiers.

He wondered what Darren would have to say on the subject. Plenty he imagined.

Daniel had to admire him for the stand he was taking. Whether it was merely misplaced college ideology or not he didn't know but the more he got involved with Darren and spent time talking with his friends the more Daniel was questioning what was going on around him. He just wished he had Darren's guts in voicing his dissatisfaction.

At the thought of Darren Daniel smiled. His test was later on that afternoon so maybe he would be free that evening. Daniel reasoned that it was worth a try.

He managed to make it through the rest of the day without appearing too bored.

The waves were calling but he was unable to answer the siren's song.

He just about held on until 6 o'clock when Michael, sensing his restlessness, told him to 'just sod off and go.' Saying that he would be alright on his own for the last hour.

Daniel didn't hang around to argue, he was simply grateful to be free.

He practically ran back to his tiny bedsit, grabbing the phone and ringing Darren's dorm.

After what seemed like an interminable amount of time someone picked up.

'Hello?'

'Ermm...hi, can I speak to Darren Hayes in room 307 please?'

'Sure man, hang on.'

Daniel heard the telephone bang as the receiver was left dangling, footsteps retreating down the hallway, a fist making contact with, what he presumed was Darren's door and then, a few seconds later, a different sounding set of steps approaching.

The phone was picked up and a familiar voice said. 'Hello?'

'Darren it's me.'

'Daniel,' Darren's voice softened, 'how you doing?'

'Missing you.'

Darren laughed and lowered his voice further. 'Me too.'

'So how was your test?'

A groan. 'Don't ask...ok, I guess...'

'Wanna meet up?'

'Oh yes please.'

Now it was Daniel's turn to laugh. 'That bad?'

'Let's just say I need a distraction.'

'So that's what I am is it? A distraction?'

'No of course not, but I don't know, I can't help but become distracted when I'm around you, you just have that effect on me.'

'Pick you up in twenty?'

'You're on.'

A little while later, after a brief stop en route to pick up some take-out, they were back at Daniel's place.

Predictably Darren had had a lot to say on the subject of the My Lai massacre, he could certainly argue his stand point when he wanted to.

He was still putting forth his theories as Daniel tossed him a beer and sat down on the bed with an open carton of noodles.

'Darren.'

'Yeah.'

'Can we forget about the war just for one evening. I mean I know it's important and should be talked about but I've had a shitty day and just want to spend some time with you.' Daniel patted the bed beside him and Darren came and sat alongside him. The gentle strains of The Byrds filling the room.

'Sure, I'm sorry. It just makes me so angry.'

'I know but for now just eat yeah?' Daniel laughed loading up his chopsticks and holding them out towards Darren.

Darren smiled and wriggled closer so that Daniel could feed him. Inevitably not all the noodles made it into Darren's mouth and he ended up using his fingers to scoop them up, giggling as their juices trickled down his chin.

Daniel shook his head and then leant forward, snaking out his tongue to lick away the droplets.

One thing lead to another and pretty soon food was forgotten in favour of kissing, licking, nibbling.

Hands began to roam, Daniel pushing up Darren's shirt to caress the pale skin of his back.

Eventually they broke for air but their hands continued to stroke and arouse.

Daniel eased Darren back to lie on the bed and settled his head in the crook of Darren's shoulder, his hands still idly undoing the buttons of Darren's shirt.

'Stay?'

'Do you want me to?'

'Of course I do you twit. Besides I can't be bothered to drive you all the way back out to Berkeley tonight.' Daniel grinned.

'Well if you put it like that.'

Daniel softly ran his fingers over Darren's leg. 'Stay.' This time it was more of a statement than a question.

Darren's hands strayed to the front of Daniel's trousers and lazily he began to massage him through the fabric.

Daniel shivered at the touch.

'I think that maybe we should clear up this mess and get some sleep. I can't be late for work tomorrow.'

Despite desperately wanting to let Darren continue what he was doing Daniel was not sure he was ready for where it might lead. This may be the age of Freelove but to Daniel it was a big step and to tell the truth he was a little frightened by the overwhelming intensity of what he felt for Darren. No one had ever made him feel like this before.

There might have been a sexual revolution going on down in the Castro with gay men beginning to make themselves heard but that was all a million miles away from what was happening in Daniel's life.

Darren simply murmured his agreement and between them they rescued the abandoned food cartons and prepared for sleep.

Once in bed their arms naturally went 'round each other and Daniel once more found that comforting spot on Darren's chest.

'Darren.'

'Mmmm.' Darren's fingers played through Daniel's hair making him feel all warm and secure inside.

'Do you think that maybe one day we will...you know?'

'I certainly hope so.'

'Have you...before?'

'Just once.'

'What was it like?' Daniel turned his head up to face Darren, his features barely discernible in the half light.

'Umm...nice. I think. It hurt a little.'

'Oh.' Daniel was silent.

'But it's not like that for everyone, sure it hurts but then it becomes good,' Darren squeezed Daniel's thigh in reassurance, 'and I think with you it will be wonderful.'

'Really?'

'Yes really.' And Darren placed a gentle kiss on the tip of Daniel's nose.

Daniel smiled. So Darren thought it would be wonderful to make love to him.

'Now can we get some sleep please? You're not the only one who has got to be up in the morning.'

Daniel's thoughts were interrupted by Darren's request.

'Yes, sorry, goodnight.'

'Goodnight.' Darren's lips ghosted over Daniel's neck in a simple kiss goodnight and Daniel went back to his grinning.


~Chapter Eleven - '...I have come here to lose the smog...'~

'...and it's one, two, three, what we fighting for...'

'...don't ask me I don't give a damn, next stop is Vietnam...' Daniel and Darren sang along with Country Joe and the Fish at the top of their voices as Daniel drove them through the city and out towards the Golden Gate bridge, both men taking particular delight in screaming out the Fish Cheer.

Daniel had got a Saturday off work and Darren had for once forsaken his college books so they decided to celebrate by going on a picnic, to a little place Daniel knew on the other side of the river.

'...And it's five, six, seven, open up the pearly gates
Well there ain't no time to wonder why, whoopee! We're all gonna die...'

Laughing Daniel pounded out the beat on the steering wheel, shaking his head and stealing glances at Darren. Darren who looked so relaxed and happy, who just radiated his own very special brand of inner peace. So passionate one moment yet so serene the next.

Daniel found it hard now to think of his life before Darren, even though it had only been barely six weeks he couldn't imagine Darren *not* being part it.

He smiled as his eyes fell on his current state of attire. His faded, old favorite blue jeans had remained but his usually plain t-shirt had been replaced by a baggy, tye-dyed one. A present from Darren and the handiwork of his friend Cathy. Yeah Darren had certainly changed his life in more ways than one.

Turning off the main highway, he made his way along the coast road, He loved coming out to Sausalito. The beaches were less crowded than the ones where he usually surfed and the swell rougher presenting him with more of a challenge plus it was just nice to get out of the city sometimes, away from everything and just be.

Darren's constant questioning about where they were going and his lack of recognition of their surroundings as Daniel had driven over the bridge confirmed his suspicions that he had never been here before and Dan was looking forward to sharing it's simple delights with him.

Pulling into a free parking space down by the ferry terminal Daniel shut the engine off, signalling that they had arrived.

'I hope you are feeling energetic 'cos it's a bit of a trek up the stairways.' Daniel got out and opened the side door to retrieve the picnic.

Darren joined him, taking the blanket from his hands and together they set off towards the hills.

Half an hour later they were sat down in the shade of a large tree, food spread out in front of them just happily munching, dipping into whatever they fancied. Daniel had put in some bottles of beer and although they were warm they still provided them with welcome refreshment.

'This is lovely,' Darren commented as he took a large bite out of his apple, 'thank you for suggesting it.'

'You're very welcome.' Daniel replied, laying back and lacing his hands behind his head.

Darren looked around furtively and when he was sure that no one was in sight, he bent down and very quickly placed a small kiss on Daniel's lips.

Daniel sighed happily.

'You know,' Darren continued, lazily stroking a blade of long grass over Daniel's face and neck, 'I can see us living here one day, I like this place, it has a cool vibe.'

Daniel smirked at Darren's description.

'You out all day catching waves, me teaching at the local school.'

'You reckon?' Daniel turned to face him, propping himself up on one elbow.

'Yep.' Darren replied with certainty.

'And just how would we support ourselves? Last I heard teachers weren't exactly the best paid people on the planet.'

Undeterred in his daydream, Darren grinned cheekily and waved his apple around dismissively. 'Haven't you heard? All you need is love.' At this he burst out laughing and reached for another beer.

'You've got it all worked out haven't you?'

Darren nodded and Daniel had to admit that fanciful as it seemed it *was* a nice daydream. To think that one day they would be able to live together just like any other normal couple.

'I want to spend the rest of my life with you Daniel.'

'How much have you had to drink?' Daniel questioned, a sly smile on his face.

'I'm serious.'

'I know and I want to be with you always as well.' His smile broke into a grin and he laid himself back down again. 'Hey we could have matching rocking chairs on the porch.'

'Arsehole.' Darren retorted, obviously not very happy at Daniel's attempts to make light of what had rapidly become a very serious conversation.

Seeing the look on Darren's face made Daniel be the one to hurriedly glance around before pulling Darren on top of him and kissing away any semblance of an insult.

After lunch they gently wandered around in the woods for a while before making their way back down the steps and along the waterfront to the van.

'Hey you know there is a music festival taking place next weekend in upstate New York? Wanna drive up there? It promises to be a real blast.'

'I know,' Darren replied sadly, 'there are buses going up from Berkeley.'

'So...?' Daniel enquired. He had seen the flyers and also heard people talking about it. It looked like it was going to be the event of the year.

'I can't. I would love to but I've already missed so much school this term, I can't risk getting kicked out. College is all that is standing between me and the draft at the moment.'

'Oh.' Daniel could see his point. 'Oh well I'm sure there'll be other times.' He was disappointed but wasn't about to risk Darren's deferment.

'...you're old enough to fight but not for voting...'

After this the talk naturally turned to music and then movies and before too long they were back within the city limits.

Feeling exhausted but pleasantly so they made their way up the stairs to Daniel's rooms. He had just turned his key in the lock when a door two down from his opened and a grey-haired women came shuffling out.

'Dan-i-el, Dan-i-el.'

'Hi Mrs Kzyrskovski.'

'Dan-i-el this came for you but the postman put it in my box instead of yours.'

Daniel took the letter from his neighbour.

'I'm so sorry Dan-i-el.'

Daniel just nodded mutely and followed Darren into his room.

Numbly he sat on the bed and looked at the brown envelope in his hands.

'Shit.'


~Chapter Twelve - '...By the time I got to Woodstock, they were half a million strong...'~

A brisk knock came on Daniel's door and he knew that it could only belong to one person.

Opening it he was greeted by a very excited Darren. He practically bounced into the room and flung himself on the bed.

'That's it, essay all done. So what are we going to do tonight? Fancy trying again to get in to see 'Easy Rider'? Hey where's your record player gone?'

Daniel simply grinned at him and took a running leap to land on top of him. 'Well,' he said, pausing to kiss Darren deeply, his hands automatically running up and down his arms, 'actually I have something planned for tonight.'

'Cool.' Darren pulled him for another kiss, grabbing his arse with both hands and holding him tightly.

Daniel drew back and sat on his heels, Darren immediately reaching for him again.

'Hey come back here you.'

'Come with me.' Daniel held out his hand and drew them both off of the bed.

Silently he led Darren towards the window and pushed the rickety frame up.

Darren just looked at him quizzically.

'Come on.'

Daniel swung a leg over the sill.

'What are you up to?' Darren asked as Daniel sat there half in, half out

'You'll see, now are you coming or not.' Daniel swung the other leg 'round and stepped out onto the fire escape.

Shrugging his shoulders as if to say 'I think you're crazy but whatever', Darren climbed out after him.

When they reached the top Daniel turned 'round and ordered Darren to close his eyes.

'You're not planning on jumping are you?'

'No you idiot, here, take my hand. There's something I want to show you.'

Daniel couldn't help but smile as Darren did what he was bid and holding onto Daniel's hand for dear life let him guide him up the last few metal steps and onto the flat roof.

'Okay open them.'

The look on Darren's face as he saw what Daniel had spent the last few hours preparing made all the effort of lugging everything up the narrow stairs worthwhile.

Disbelief, amazement and then utter delight.

'Whoa Daniel man this is so cool.'

Daniel lit the couple of hurricane lamps that he had hauled up there.

'So this is where your player went?'

'Uh-huh. I figured if we can't go to Woodstock then I would bring Woodstock to us.' He knelt down beside the player and started going through the records that leant against it. 'Jefferson Aeroplane, Crosby, Stills and Nash, Buffalo Springfield, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix...'

'Jimi who?'

'Believe me you'll love him. So what to start with...' Daniel flicked back and forth for a moment before selecting an album.'

'Hmmmm, Dylan, perfect.' Darren sighed and settled himself down on the blanket that Daniel had laid on the concrete.

Daniel turned 'round and manoeuvred himself so that Darren was lying in his lap.

'You like?' He ran his fingers lovingly through Darren's long hair.

'Oh yes.' Darren had closed his eyes and was softly singing along.

'How many roads must a man walk down, before you call him a man?

Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail, before she sleeps in the sand?'

'That's what you were singing that first night I saw you down on the beach.' Daniel reminisced.

'I remember.' Darren opened his eyes and stared up at him, 'Daniel....'

'Ssssh, not now.' Daniel knew what Darren wanted to discuss. They had spoken of little else since his draft notice had arrived. It had, not surprisingly, cast a shadow over both their lives.

Straight away Darren had demanded that he ignore it and then he had started formulating ways for Dan to get out of it.

'You know you could always just tell the board that you are gay. Loads of people are doing it whether they are or not.'

'I said sssh.'

'Daniel this is not going to just go away.'

'Darren.'

'Yes?'

'Shut up.'

Daniel decided that there was only one guaranteed way to stop Darren from talking and so for the next twenty minutes the only sounds that were heard was Dylan's gravely voice and the occasion moan from the two lovers.

Sighing happily Daniel shifted slightly so that he could rest his head on Darren's chest.

This time it was Darren's hands that did the caressing, Daniel staring off into middle-distance as his felt strong fingers feather through his hair and come to rest on his neck.

'Daniel are we ever going to discuss this? I mean really discuss it.'

Daniel turned his head so that he could gaze up into Darren's darkened eyes. 'What is there to say?'

'Don't go.'

'Darren it's not that simple...' Daniel began but was cut off.

'It's perfectly simple. The war is wrong, you know that, I know that, half the fucking country knows it.'

Daniel made to get up. 'Music's stopped.' He mumbled, escaping from Darren's embrace and crouching down to select the next artist.

A pair of arms around his waist, wet lips against his neck. 'This one.' Darren pointed to a Crosby, Stills and Nash album.

Daniel slipped it out of its sleeve and put it on the turntable. Darren taking the cover from him and examining the tracklistings before leaning over and carefully putting the needle down on the song that he wanted.

Daniel instantly recognized the introduction and a lump rose in his throat. He knew exactly why Darren had picked this one.

'Find the cost of freedom, buried in the ground

Mother Earth will swallow you, lay your body down...'

The melody was hauntingly simple, the lyrics rising clear, the second time through a cappella, the harmonies of the three voices blending and merging together perfectly sending chills the length of Daniel's spine.

'Now do you see?' Darren whispered, taking Daniel's face between his hands and using the side of his thumb to brush away a tear that Daniel wasn't even aware he was crying.

'I lied to you before. It's not just because I think this war is wrong that I don't want you to go. It's because I'm a selfish bastard that I don't want you to go. I don't want you to go because I love you. Love you with all my heart and I don't want to lose you.' Darren chuckled softly. 'See at the end of the day all my principles go out the window, or off the roof if you like, the fact is I don't want you to go because I can't imagine what my life would be like without you.'

Tears formed in Darren's eyes as Daniel leaned into kiss him. 'I know Doze, I know.' He kissed away Darren's tears, oblivious as his own fell.

When Daniel awoke the next morning he was alone in the bed and the sound of Darren gently strumming his guitar, singing along softly filled the room.

'Last night I had the strangest dream

I'd ever dreamed before

I dreamed the world had all agreed

To put an end to war

And the people in the streets below

Were dancing 'round and 'round

While swords and guns and uniforms

Were scattered on the ground'

Daniel just lay there for a few minutes, smiling and enjoying the sound of Darren's voice.

'I dreamed I saw a mighty room

Filled with women and men

And the paper they were signing said

They'd never fight again

And when the paper was all signed

And a million copies made

They all joined hands and bowed their heads

And grateful pray'rs were prayed'

Sitting up Daniel looked over to where Darren was sat crossed legged in the armchair, his chest and feet bare, dressed only in his flared jeans, guitar perched across his knees.

On hearing Daniel stir, he carefully he put down his guitar and raised his eyes to meet his lover's.

'You're going, aren't you.'