'Nearly 12,' he replies.

Shit, oh well, in for a penny in for a pound.

'I'm going to make some coffee, you just lie there and wake up.' With that he kisses me gently on the nose and gets out of bed.

I sigh contentedly, scenes from last night replaying in my mind. Pulling the duvet closer around me I am soon asleep again.

'Hey, that's not the idea,' Darren has returned.

'Mmmm,' there is no way I am budging from where I am.

I hear the sound of coffee mugs being set down and then the bed dips as he gets back in beside me. Moments later I feel a hand on my leg and kisses on my back. 'Arrrrrrr.' I murmur dreamily. The hand on my leg moves up and the kisses increase until I feel him grab my cock. Ok Darren you have my full attention now. Literally.

'Well at least one part of you is up.' He chuckles wickedly.

'Yeah and now you've woken it what are you going to do about it?' I challenge.

'The question is, my dear Daniel, what are you going to do about this?' And he presses himself up against me so I can feel his own arousal.

Turning to face him, I reach down and playfully place my hands around him. 'What would you like me to do about it?' I say giving him a none too gentle squeeze.

'I'd like you to let me fuck you until your brain explodes, till stars fall from the sky, until you don't know black from white. Daniel, I want you to let me make love to you.'

I suddenly seemed to have lost the ability to swallow let alone speak.

'Daniel?' He cups my chin in his hands and meets my eyes with his own. 'I meant what I said last night, I won't force you to do anything you're not ready for but I really would like you to let me, please, I want you very much.' He runs his hands over my shoulders causing goose bumps to appear, his words thick with desire and want.

'And I meant what I said last night,' my speech has returned but the voice that comes forth sounds alien to me. 'I want you, all of you, I want you inside me, I want to feel you inside me.' How could I deny him anything? I was bewitched. I wanted him to possess me, claim me. I wanted him to make love to me. More than anything in the world I wanted him to make love to me.

'You're quite sure?' He asks concern creeping into his voice.

'Yes.' I reply kissing him on the forehead. The thought of what is to come both fears and excites me. Chills and butterflies consume my whole being. I feel as if my entire body is on fire, the lightest touch able to ignite it.

He responses by ferociously plundering my mouth, his tongue seeking out mine, hands roving over bodies. Breaking the kiss he begins to work his way along my neck. 'On your stomach.' He whispers seductively, throwing off the duvet then placing his hands on my hips, forcing me face down. I turn my head to the side watching as he retrieves the condoms and lube from the bedside table, then hear the sound of foil ripping. I'm breathing harder now and he hasn't even done anything yet.

I feel a cold substance on my opening and then gentle fingers working it around me. The shock of his fingers so close to me causes me to gasp but I am soothed by a hand rubbing my back. 'Relax', he coos, 'It'll be fine - trust me.' And I do, this incredible beguiling creature who has completely entranced me. The hand continues to rub me, moving ever lower. It's joined by his lips as he plants a trail of fiery kisses across the base of my spine, his tongue making tiny wet circles as he reaches my arse. Gently he parts my legs with his knees and I feel a lubed finger tentatively probe me. I moan at his touch, it hurts like hell but there's no way I want him to stop now and tell him so. Encouraged he inserts another one, stretching me, preparing me, all the time murmuring sweet nothings of reassurance. Kissing his way back up my spine, he carefully removes his fingers and I whimper at the loss.

'There's no easy way to do this,' he tells me, 'so I'm just going to do it.' Hands on my waist bracing himself, 'Take a deep breath,' and as I do, 'Hey my first time, I practically screamed down the entire neighbourhood. Not a good idea considering my boyfriend's parents were asleep in the next room at the time.'

'What hap...' I start to say but he has taken advantage of my amusement to push himself into me. 'Oh shit, oh fuck, oh...' Despite his preparations the pain shoots through me.

'I'm sorry baby,' he pauses to give my body time to adjust to the invasion, then begins to thrust in and out, working up a rhythm. //Oh shit, oh, oh, OH!// The most amazing sensation courses through me as he hits my prostrate, causing every nerve ending to burst into flame, causing every fibre in my body to come alive, and I cry out even louder, our moans mingling as he thrusts harder and harder. 'Fuck Dan, you're tight.' I hear him growl in delight. His delight delights me and I involuntarily try and bring myself up onto my knees. He moves to accommodate me, pulling me up so that I am on all fours. Then somehow locked together, his hands coming round to stroke my aching cock, mine braced once more on the headboard, I feel my world begin to dissolve. Darren's hand is working me in sync with his own thrusts, 'Hang on babe,' his voice floats down to me through the kaleidoscope of colours and I know he wants us to come together.

I frantically try to remember all the mental tricks I usually pull in order to stave off coming when I'm with Rachel but my memory fails me. Just as I realise that I'm gonna have to come regardless, I feel Darren give one final thrust coupled with a hard pull on my cock. 'Arggghh!' We both scream, as we climax simultaneously. The sensation is mind-blowing, Darren has just come in me, and my come is now dripping from his fingers onto the crumpled bed sheets. I turn over and watch as he licks his fingers clean, and when he kisses me I can taste myself still on him. Collapsing onto me, he wraps those strong arms around me once more. 'Thank you love, that was amazing.' Languidly I bring one of his hands up to my mouth and gently kiss the knuckles. Further words are unnecessary. I just lay there, basking in the afterglow of one of the best orgasms I have experienced. We stay like that, simply cuddling, for several minutes, our breathing slowly returning to something approaching normal, occasionally exchanging soft kisses.

'So what now?' I ask eventually.

'Now you get up, go home and leave me to work on some new material,' he gives me a playful shove to hurry me along. It's not what I meant and he knows it, but chooses to skirt 'round the deeper issue. 'Seriously you should put in an appearance.'

'I know, I know,' reluctantly leaving the warmth of his embrace and heading for the bathroom.

I stand in the shower, letting the water wash over me, occasionally wincing as I inspect the bruises Darren has left on me. They are gonna take some explaining. My arse is sore and I wonder if it's going to be that painful every time. //So you're admitting there is going to be a another time?// I chide myself then smile as I remember the pleasure that followed the pain.

Wrapping myself in one of Darren's towels I dry myself off then retrieve my only marginally creased clothes from the heap on the floor. Once dressed I make my way back into the living room where Darren is splitting English muffins ready for the toaster. 'Can I interest you in some food?' He asks and I shake my head. 'Better not, I need to get back.' I pick up my jacket then hesitate, 'Can I see you again?'

'Come here,' reaching for my arm he holds my wrist still then pushes up the sleeve of my T-shirt. Taking a biro he writes a mobile number on the soft flesh at the top of my upper arm. 'Call me.' He says pulling the fabric back down, 'Just don't leave it too long ok,' and he gives me a gentle peck on the cheek.

As I reach the door I hear him call out softly, 'Daniel, thank you.' A smile a mile wide breaks on my face. //No thank you Darren.//

By the time I've picked up my car from the club, some semblance of sanity has kicked in, and before I go in the house, I make a quick call.

'Oliver? It's Dan. Listen I've got a favour to ask. If Rachel asks I crashed at your place last night. All right?

'Er, yeah I guess so - I take it you didn't go home last night then?'

'Umm, ah, umm, well er, no.'

'Anybody I know?'

'WHAT!' I practically yell down the line.

'Just kidding. - so passed out in some bar then?'

'Not exactly...'

'Whoa so you were with someone then? Aren't you the dark horse? I wouldn't have put you down for the wandering type, Jon maybe but not you.'

'It was just a one-off,' and I know I'm lying. 'Listen I've got to go, just remember if Rachel asks...'

'We had a guys' night in, few beers, porno vid, that kind of thing. No sweat little bro, but you owe me one.'

'Whatever, thanks Oli, you're a lifesaver.'

Ending the call I realise that my palms are sweating. What am I doing?

Walking into the house I prepare myself for the onslaught I know will come.

'Daniel, where have you been?' Rachel asks before I even have my key out of the lock, 'I was worried about you.'

'I spent the night at Oliver's.' I reply, surprised at how easy the lie comes.

'I tried calling you on your mobile.'

'Battery's dead.'

'And Oliver doesn't have a phone?'

'Sorry babe, it got late, I didn't want to wake you.' Oh what a wicked web we weave.

Shutting myself in the bathroom, I sit on the toilet seat and remove my T-shirt. I know I should forget him but I can't. Instead I program Darren's number into my phone before taking a washcloth and scrubbing the ink off. All evidence of him now gone.

I manage to last a whole four days before I call him. Four days of absolute agony and soul-searching. I am risking three years with Rachel for a guy I barely know. But when I find myself imagining it is his hand on me while I'm having my morning wank, I know it's no good. I have to see him again.


~Chapter Nine~

Nervously I bring up Darren's number and press the 'call' button. His phone rings for what seems an age before he picks up.

'Hello?' I hear his now familiar twang and my heart skips a beat.

'Darren? It's Daniel.'

'Dan, hi.' He hesitates.

'I er, can I see you?' I blurt out.

I can feel his grin from here. 'You have just made my day. I was worried you had changed your mind.'

'Never...I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.'

'Me neither...the other night was...'

'Incredible?' I offer.

'Yeah - incredible.' He laughs.

'Want to try again for that drink?' I suggest.

'Sure. Tonight?'

'That's what I was hoping you'd say.'

'Swing by after work?'

'I'll be there.'

'Looking forward to it.' And he gives a wicked chuckle.

'I'd better go, see you later.'

'Bye Daniel.' He says suddenly serious again.

'Bye.' And I know I have passed the point of no return. This time it isn't curiosity, it's choice.

Hitting the 'end' button, I bring up my phone book and make two further calls. I feel as if I'm in a scene from a movie, the mastermind co-ordinating a bank job, there is such a sense of cold calculated deliberateness in my actions, all the various steps that have to be gone through in order to pull off my plans.

Call 1. 'Rachel, Oliver's just asked me to go 'round tonight, apparently some crisis breaking. I'm going to be late. Don't wait up.'

Call 2. 'Oliver I need you to cover for me again tonight.'

'Jeez Dan, I hope whoever she is she's worth it.'

There, mission accomplished. This deception lark is really quite simple once you get the hang of it and I'm rapidly becoming quite an expert.

I close the shop the minute it reaches 5 o'clock and drive the short distance to Darren's apartment.

Nervously I wait for him to open the door. When he does, it's not quite the reception I am expecting.

'Oh shit...is it that time already?' He runs a hand through his already ruffled locks, dressed in blue jeans and a white T-shirt, he's barefooted with his hair all loose around his face.

'Sorry, I don't mean that I'm not pleased to see you, 'cause I'm very pleased to see you,' and he envelops me in a huge bear hug followed by a very chaste peek on the cheek. 'It's just I've been writing and sort of lost track of time. Come in.'

Following him back into the living room I see that the floor is littered with bits of paper. Some with only a few lines scribbled on them, others more complete. I pick up one of the fuller ones, 'Can I?' I ask.

'I guess,' he nods his consent before going into the kitchen, supposedly to put the kettle on but I suspect so that he doesn't have to witness me reading what he has written. I sit down cross-legged on the floor and begin.

By the time he's finished fiddling with the coffee I have read the lyrics through several times over and am very impressed. The words are simple but made all the more poignant by their simplicity. It is obviously a love song but with none of the convoluted lines common in a lot of romantic ballads.

'This is good.' I tell him.

He comes and sits beside me, resting his head on my shoulder so that he can see which one I have picked. 'I wrote it the other day; after you had left, you um, you inspired me.' He says shyly.

'Really,' I ask amazed and flattered. I inspired someone?

'Yes, really, you dummy,' he kisses my hair. 'I'm having difficulties coming up with a tune though.'

'Hmm,' I read it over again. 'Guitar.' I demand and he hands me his acoustic. I think for a few moments then strum a few chords, playing around with the key.

'There,' he says and I begin to play. 'No, go C to G,' I make the adjustment and he starts humming along. 'F.'

'Back to G?' I suggest. Gradually a tune emerges and the humming turns to song.

'I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy

I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need

I love you more with every breath, truly, madly, deeply do

I will be strong, I will be faithful, 'cos I'm counting on

A new beginning, a reason for living, a deeper meaning'

I'm blown away. The words were powerful enough on paper but to hear him sing them, to know that they were written with me in mind, written after we had made love.

'Promise me if I ever get to lay that down you'll play on it?' He asks, clearly elated with the result of our combined efforts. 'I can't think of anyone I'd rather have play my song, our song,' he stresses, 'congratulations Daniel you've just co-written a song.'

'I...' I start to reply but he has already got up, and gone over to turn the light on, chasing away the semi-darkness that has descended while we've been immersed in playing.

It's just as well because I don't know what to say anyway. It's one thing to muck around with a tune in the privacy of his living room but to play professionally again? Half of me is jumping at the chance, the other half is scared shitless.

'So Daniel do you dance?' Darren interrupts my thoughts. He's leaning up against the breakfast counter, surveying the room, surveying me.

'Umm, I don't know. I guess so.' I get up and go to him, leaning in easily as he catches me 'round my waist, drawing my back up against him.

'How'd you fancy going out to a club?

'You mean...'

'Not necessarily but it will make life easier. After all if I'm going dancing with you I want to be able to dance with you.' He grinds his hips against me in demonstration.

I can see the logic in his words and try not to let my old fears deter me.

Darren senses my hesitation and turning me to face him, takes my hands in his, squeezing gently. 'Daniel, my love, I hate to be the one to break this to you but you're not quite so straight as you used to be. In fact considering that we have made love not once but twice I would say that your straight days are well and truly over. Besides it's just a club, you were quite happy to come into one when you came to see me the other night.'

Again he is right.

'Sorry, this is all so new - going to take some getting used to.'

'Well let me help you.' And placing his lips on mine, he gives me a tender kiss, calming my wildly flaying nerve. Keeping my hands in his he draws me towards the bedroom. 'Come on beautiful one, your education starts here.' Flinging wide the doors of his closet, he continues. 'Right, what shall we wear? And before you say anything, no, your trousers and shirt are not going to suffice this time. I want to be able to see that gorgeous body of yours.'

He is enjoying this I can tell. In fact he is in his element. 'Just be gentle.' I caution.

'Hmm,' he's deep in thought, 'you're a bit taller than me so I might have to let you get away with keeping the trousers but that shirt is going and I have just the thing.' With more than a hint of amusement in his voice he turns 'round and starts unbuttoning my top, letting his eyes linger for longer than is strictly necessary on my bare chest.

'What about you?' I say reaching to return the favour.

'What would you like?' He answers softly as he run his hands over my nipples.

To throw you on the bed and to hell with the club. I think to myself but instead I take a deep breath and shyly reply. 'The leathers?' I can still remember the sensation of fondling him through his leathers, the way the material clung to his body.

'Oh so my Danny has a fetish for leather eh?' He laughs. 'I'll have to remember that one.'

I can feel the colour rising in my cheeks as he says this, though whether from the implication behind his words or the fact that he has just called me 'his Danny', I don't know. His Danny. His. For some reason I take way too much pleasure in that statement.

Seeing my embarrassment he smiles, 'Hey don't worry, it is a good choice. I probably would have worn them anyway. Nice to know you like them though,' he chuckles. 'But first I want to see what you look like in this...' and pulling a shirt from the closet he proceeds to dress me.

The shirt is black, naturally, and made from silk or something as I barely feel it as he slips it over my shoulders. The material is so thin that your can see my arms and chest through it and is flexed through with some kind of shimmering thread that catches the light.

'Oh yea,' Darren murmurs appreciatively, pleased with his choice.

Looking at myself in the mirror I have to admit it looks pretty cool, not my usual type of attire at all. I grab a brush off of the dresser and start dragging it through my hair. Meanwhile Darren has stripped off and is pulling his leathers on, commando, whoa there's an image to hold onto. I avert my eyes more for my own benefit than his, if I continue down that line of thought we'll never get out. He teams it up with a deep red sleeveless top, it's a snug fit, moulding to the form of his torso perfectly, accenting the paleness of his bare arms. Coming up behind me he wraps said bare arms round my waist, peering over my shoulder to meet my eyes in the mirror. I smile at the reflected Darren. 'Hi ya,' I whisper, my eyes shining, his now rimmed in his trademark black kohl.

'Hi yourself,' he replies giving me a squeeze. Leaving one hand around my waist he leans over with the other and picks up something off of the dresser. It's the studded collar he was wearing that first night in the club. Before I can register his intention he has moved to fasten it around my neck. I touch the soft leather as it lies against my throat. 'I don't know.' I tell him.

His fingers join mine caressing the fabric. 'Yes,' he breathes huskily, his breath close to my ear. I can smell his cologne underlain with his own unique musky maleness and involuntarily breathe in a little deeper. 'You're mine now Daniel and don't you forget it.' He removes my fingers and brings them up to his mouth, slowly kissing the knuckles one by one before releasing his hold. 'At least for tonight,' a broad grin appears on his face. 'Come on,' he gives my arse a teasing slap, 'let's go or we'll never get to the club, we'll pick up some food on the way through.'


~Chapter Ten~

After a short queue we submit to the bouncer's pat-down, pay the cover and enter the club. The interior is dark and absolutely heaving with bodies. A powerful sound system pounds out heavy techno music, the bass line vibrating deep within my chest. Grabbing my hand Darren pulls me in the general direction of the bar. Without asking he orders me a beer and thrusts it into my hand. 'Here, get that down you, you'll feel much better.' He says retrieving his own mineral water. We stand there for a few minutes, the music making it pretty much impossible to have any kind of conversation. Instead I take the opportunity to glance around me. I guess it's no different from any other club I've been in except the patrons are predominantly male. I try not to stare too much at a couple near us who are deeply involved in some pretty heavy making out. Finishing his drink, Darren inclines his head towards the dance floor. 'Shall we?' Nodding I place my own empty bottle back on the bar, mentally steel myself as I follow him weaving through the throng to a space on the floor.

Taking my hands he places my arms loosely 'round his neck then his own on my hips to draw me closer. Pulling me tight up against him, I have no choice but to move in time with him. He slips one leg between mine, grinding his pelvis up against me, his face inches from mine.

Instinctively I lean in and kiss his luscious lips, so soft and inviting. His tongue meets mine and I feel the heat pooling in my groin. Rubbing myself against him, my arousal is answered with his own. 'Mmm, later Danny, we're here to dance remember.' He rasps hoarsely in my ear, licking my lobe suggestively as he draws back. Getting into the beat he moves his hips in time to the music, letting his hands run down his thighs as he does so. Fuck, he is he sexy when he does that, his movements so fluid, so sensuous. Well two can play that game. Mirroring his actions I let the music fill me, gyrating my body and skimming my fingers over my chest as I move around him. Locking eyes we become oblivious to all around us as we continue in our own private dance of seduction. By some unspoken agreement we deliberately avoid touching each other, letting the movement of our hands on our own bodies and the look in our eyes convey all that we are feeling.

He flicks his eyes down to my neck, to the collar. 'Mine.' He mouths, running his tongue over his lips as he does do.

I glance down at his leather-clad crotch. 'Mine.' I mime back, meeting his dark-rimmed gaze. What I see there is a dangerous combination of pleasure and desire, which causes my cock to twitch against the constraints of my trousers. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Then, like walking on a gym beam, I lose concentration and panic. My limbs turn to concrete as I remember where I am and what I'm doing. I break eye contact, unwilling to let Darren see the fear that has gripped me.

'Daniel, Daniel,' I can barely hear him over the music and the thump of my own heart.

A hand comes up and covers my heart. 'Relax baby.'

Relax? How on earth can I relax? Here I am in a gay club, dancing with another guy, holding him and I'm here because I want to be. Because so help me I've fallen for this other guy. I've fallen for Darren. In some remote part of my brain alarm bells start ringing.

'I'm sorry.' I mumble and break from his embrace. I've got to get out of here. Suddenly I feel very nauseous. I've got to get some fresh air.

'Daniel, Dan?' I hear him calling after me and I know that he is following

Outside the night air hits me like a tidal wave. My legs give way, buckling under me and I grope blindly for a wall to support myself on.

'Whoa.' Two strong arms catch me as I fall. It's Darren. 'Better?' Gently he lowers me onto a nearby half wall. 'Try putting your head between your knees.'

I shake my head. 'I'll be fine - it's just very hot in there.'

He looks as if he's about to make some smart remark but thinks better of it, instead he squats down beside me, putting his hands on my knees to steady himself. 'What happened back there?' He asks concern evident in his voice.

'I'm sorry,' I repeat, unable to meet his eyes. 'Cold feet?'

The hands on my knees stiffen. 'With me?' He asks in a small voice.

'No, never in a million years.' I reply taking his face in my hands. 'Never. It's just all this,' I incline my head towards the club.

'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have forced you to come.' He rises to his feet and holds out his hand to help me do the same. 'Let's go.'

He drives us back to his place so I can pick up my car. Neither of us exchange a word the whole journey. I've blown it, I know I have. I can't even do a simple thing like go to a club with him without getting spooked.


~Chapter Eleven~

Once home, I get out of the car and close the door, fully intending to walk towards mine. Darren just stands there, making no effort to go into his apartment.

'So Daniel, are you coming in or not?'

He doesn't hate me? 'Do you want me to?'

'Of course I do you dummy.' He comes 'round to where I stand, frozen to the spot. 'Look Dan, I'm sorry that you felt uncomfortable in the club. I should have thought.' He rests his hands on my upper arms. 'I'm willing to take this as slowly as you want, something tells me it'll be worth the wait.' Placing a reassuring kiss on my forehead, he entwines his fingers in mine. 'Now are you coming in?' Smiling I follow him up the steps.

'Why don't you put some music on?' He suggests, once we are inside. 'I'll fix us something to drink.'

Kicking off my shoes, I wander over to his somewhat extensive CD collection and start flipping through. It's amazing what you can learn about someone from their taste in music. He's got all the standard so-called classics, Michael Jackson, Madonna, U2 and the like, pretty much what I would expect from someone of our generation plus a few I don't recognise, then I spot an album that makes me smile, why am I not surprised that this one is here? Pulling it out of the rack, I go to the player and slip it in, skipping to the fourth track. Right on cue, Darren returns bearing two glasses of red wine.

'Good choice.' He says indicating the music.

'I thought you didn't drink.'

'Medicinal purposes. Here.' He hands one to me.

I take a sip before putting it aside and taking his from him. 'Dance with me?' I ask slipping my arms 'round his neck.

Always falling to the floor,

Softer than it was before,

Dog boy - media whore

It's who the hell you take me for,

Give up this fight...'

His arms encircle my waist, and slowly we begin to sway together. My hands move to caress the back of his head, bringing him ever closer. My lips graze his forehead, his eyelids, before meeting his lips in a delicate kiss. His tongue flicks out to meet mine as his hands travel lower. With one swift movement he pulls me to him, our kiss growing rougher. I taste his sweetness intermingled with the headiness of the wine.

'These bonds are shackle free,

Wrapped in lust and lunacy

Tiny touch of jealousy,

These bonds are shackle free

Get through this night

There are no second chances

This time, I might to ask the sea for answers'

I grope for the hem of his top, breaking the kiss as I lift it over his head. Throwing it to the floor I push him back so he is flat up against the wall. His lips find mine again as his hands untuck my shirt allowing hot skin to make contact with even hotter.

Unlacing his flies, I free his already slick erection into my hand, massaging it with my thumbs.

Darren moans into my mouth, his hands running the length of my spine and back.

Sinking to my knees, I prepare to replace my hands with my mouth. Oh to consume him, have him fill me. Moving my hands to cup his arse, I pause, suddenly unsure quite how to proceed. Darren must realise what I am contemplating as he pulls my head up forcing me to look into solemn eyes. 'Daniel, you don't have to.'

'I want to, I'm just not sure how...'

'Just give as you would like to receive.' The grip on my hair becoming a stroke and then a grip again as I lower my mouth to him, just lightly running my tongue over his tip. A shudder runs through his body as tentatively I take more and more of him into me. I never realised just how completely a cock can fill your mouth, and I gag slightly as I struggle for breath. A strangled laugh escapes Darren's lips. 'Slow down and remember to breathe through your nose.' He rasps. Then closes his eyes in pleasure as I put his advice into practice. Gradually I get used to the sensation and settle into a rhythm, pulling in my cheeks as I suck and lick. Growing more confident I gently scrape my teeth the length of his shaft. Obviously not gently enough. 'Bloody hell Dan!' Shocked I draw back letting him slip from me. Immediately he forces himself back on me. 'Don't stop you idiot.' It would seem I'm not the only one turned on by pain. He moves my hands from his arse to his sacs, encouraging me to fondle him there as I recommence sucking.

'Oh yes, oh YES, shit Daniel, I'm gonna, I'm, oh fuck...' He's bucking up to me now. 'Dan, DAN.' A stream of hot come hits the back of my throat. Desperately I try to swallow as much as I can, but end up choking instead. Darren pulls out of me as I grab for my wine and take a large gulp.

'I'm sorry.' I splutter, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Stumbling to my feet I go into the kitchen and get myself a glass of water, rinsing out my mouth and spitting away the sour taste. Great, another humiliation to add to my growing list.

'Hey,' I hear a soft voice behind me, 'It's ok.' Tenderly he rubs my back. 'For a beginner you were pretty good,' he says, in an effort to lighten the situation. Turning me to face him, he trails the back of his fingers across my reddened cheeks and over my swollen lips. 'You alright?'

'Yeah. I just wanted it to be able to do something for you.'

'And you did love, it was wonderful. Believe me I've no complaints.'

'Even...'

'Daniel, it's a myth that everyone can swallow, it takes practice,' he kisses me lightly, 'something I intend to give you lots of.' He adds with a low chuckle.

'Now I think its my turn to do something for you. Whadda say?' A wicked glint enters his eye and before I know what has happened he has swung me 'round, pinning me against the kitchen table. Clearing the papers there with one sweep of his arm, he pushes back until I have no option but to hoist myself up onto the hard surface. I'm completely at his mercy as he shrugs my trousers over my hips and down to my knees. Like a lion with its prey he climbs up and straddles me. Like a lion playing with its prey he rubs me through the thin cotton of my boxers, before they too go the way of my trousers.

I've had girlfriends go down on me before but nothing quite prepares me for the intensity of feeling as Darren's mouth envelops my rapidly hardening cock. His tongue swirls up and down, licking in tiny circles. I grab the edges of the table for all I'm worth, pushing my head back as he draws his teeth slowly down my length, returning the pleasure/pain from earlier. His strong fingers grip my hipbones preventing me from raising up to meet him as he starts sucking in earnest, drawing me in and out of his mouth with practised ease. The world ceases to exist, all that is real is the here and now, the sensation of my cock filling the warm, wet cave of Darren's mouth and the rhythm he is creating within me.

'Fuck, fuck, shit.' I dig my fingernails into his shoulders as a burning white light consumes my whole being. 'Darren!' With one great shudder I shoot myself into him.

And somewhere through the haze of post-orgasmic bliss I can hear Brian Molko's angst-ridden voice lamenting.

'Take the plan, spin it sideways

I...

Fall

Without you, I'm nothing

Without you, I'm nothing

Without you, I'm nothing

Take the plan, spin it sideways

Without you, I'm nothing at all'


~Chapter Twelve~

Early the next week, Darren obviously sorts out whatever differences he has with Oliver over his contract as he signs. Now he has a manager and the facility to lay down tracks. Now all he needs to do is put together a demo and trust in Oli to get him a recording deal. It's another step on what has already been a long journey.

Excited, he rings to tell me. We've taken to calling each other at least once a day, often just to say 'good morning'.

'I've done it Dan, I've signed with Oliver.'

'Well at least now I'll have a legitimate reason to see you, I mean if you're gonna be recording at the studio I'm sure I won't be able to help bumping into you.'

He gives a childlike giggle. 'Tee hee, I forgot, so far we've only met for lunch. Well I'm sure we'll 'bump' into each other Saturday night. Oliver's throwing a party at his place, but I guess you had better wait to hear that from him.'

True to form half an hour later Oliver calls me.

'Dan what you up to Saturday night? Darren has finally signed and I'm throwing a little party for him, introduce him to a few people that sort of thing. You and Rachel will come won't you?'

'Sure, I'll need to check with her but I think it'll be ok.' It had better be, there is no way I'm going to miss one of my brother's infamous parties.

After some gentle persuasion Rachel agrees to go, she may not be all that keen on industry bods but she has a soft spot for Oliver. She even volunteers to drive, which is just as well as I think I am going to need a few drinks to get me through the evening. I'm not relishing the prospect of introducing my girlfriend to my lover.

Saturday creeps 'round. I warn Darren that Rachel will be there and he assures me that he's cool about it. Well I'm glad one of us is.

As I stand in front of the mirror getting ready to go out, Rachel comes up behind me and slips her arms round my waist. 'Ready?' Without meaning to I tense up, the action is so reminiscent of Darren's. She feels it and places her hands on my shoulders. 'Baby, you're so jumpy lately, how about when we get home I give you a massage?' Every fibre in my body screams No! Please don't be nice to me, I'm feeling like a A1 bastard as it is, don't make it any harder by being nice to me. I used to really enjoy Rachel's massages, nine times out of ten they led onto something more, if you know what I mean, but with a shock I realise that I don't want her hands on me. There is only one person who I want to touch me. The one person who, for tonight at least, can't.

Turning to her, I force myself to give her a reassuring kiss. 'Come on, let's go.'

The party is in full swing when we arrive. For once everyone eschews the notion of being fashionably late.

'Daniel, hi ya bro. Rachel, nice to see you,' Oliver says giving her peek on the cheek, 'come on let me introduce you to some people. Dan, usual drill, drugs to the left, hookers to the right'. And with that he leads her away.

I scan the room searching out Darren. He's over by the window chatting animatedly to one of the sound engineers from the studio. He sees me and smiles but there's no way he can come over without it looking too obvious, instead I simply smile back, exchanging in a single moment of intense eye contact all that needs to be said. Heading into the kitchen I help myself to a drink and get collared by Julie who proceeds to bore me with office chit-chat. I nod and agree in what I hope are all the right places. Downing my beer as quickly as I can without seeming rude, I grab another one and move back out into the main room. If in doubt, consume alcohol.

I mingle the best I can, chatting to a few of the people I know, all the time trying to steal surreptitious glances at Darren. He's dressed casually, a black t-shirt left loose over blue jeans, his hair pulled back in a half-ponytail. I get the distinct impression that I am not the only one appreciating the view as he works his way round the room. I catch his eye and he makes a small kissing motion with his lips. It's killing me and he knows it, the little git fucking well knows it. I watch as Oliver goes over to him and introduces Rachel. Darren hesitates for a millisecond, then his face changes and almost imperceivably a mask comes down. Turning on the charm, he flashes her one of his winning smiles and says something to make her laugh. Looking up she catches my eye and beckons me over. There's no way I can get out of it. Taking a long draw of my beer I wander over.

'Daniel, nice to see you again.' Politely Darren extends his hand.

Equally politely I shake it. 'Darren.' What Rachel misses is the slow way Darren withdraws his hand, lightly grazing my palm with his fingertips as he does so. One simple touch both allaying my fears and setting every nerve in my body ablaze.

'So how's the shop going?' He inquires.

'Not so bad.' I reply attempting to keep my voice steady. 'Congratulations on signing, you must be very pleased.'

'Yes, you and Oliver coming to the club that night has proved to be extremely fruitful.' His words are deliberately laden with double meanings, all of which thankfully go right over Rachel's head.

'Well you're incredibly talented.' Ah, did the mask slip slightly?

We continue like that for ten minutes, standing there, appearing to make idle small talk, Rachel occasionally chipping in with a comment of her own. Eventually Darren excuses himself and internally I breathe a huge sigh of relief.

'He seems a nice guy,' Rachel remarks. 'Let's hope Oli comes through for him.'

Oh this is all getting too surreal for me. I mutter something about the effect the beer is having on my bladder and head off towards the bathroom. I have a nagging feeling that the urgency in my lower regions is not entirely due to the need to piss.

Having relieved myself I decide to go back and tell Rachel I've had enough, feign a headache, whatever, I'm ready to go home.

Coming out of the bathroom I'm accosted by a pair of hands that abruptly push me back in and lock the door behind us. It's Darren. 'Not so fast,' he utters before taking me in a rough, demanding kiss. The kiss extends to my neck and before I know it my trousers are round my ankles. 'Hello again,' he says in belated greeting.

'Fancy meeting you here.' I reply in mock seriousness, running my hands over his back as I seek his mouth again.

'No time for that.' He tells me as he forces me up against the sink then drops to his knees.

'Darren, I - um, Rachel, I - Oh!' I cry as his mouth finds what it's seeking. A hand comes up to silence me and I bite down hard as in record time he sucks me off. No subtle licking, no foreplay just straight in for the kill. 0 - orgasm in two minutes flat. I grab the sink to support my trembling legs as I shoot myself down his throat. He releases me and I crumble to the ground beside him.

Grabbing his face between my hands I finally get to devour that sweet mouth, his tongue slipping in to meet mine, traces of my come still upon it.

'Just wanted to say hello properly.' He grins, his blue eyes glinting maniacally.

'Mmm, thank you.' I reply breathlessly as we stand up and re-adjust our clothing. His grin is infectious.

'Well better get back to the party,' and he undoes the lock but I can't resist pulling at the loops on his waistband, drawing him to me for one more kiss. 'You intoxicate me Daniel Jones,' he whispers as we reluctantly part, 'you're more addictive then any drug known to man and you've got me hooked. Daniel, my sweet prince.' His fingers linger on my cheek.

'Go mingle, network...go.' I urge him. Giving me one last peck on the lips he complies.

Allowing him a few minutes' head start, I take the time to compose myself, then discreetly slip back. Typical, Sod's law, the first person I meet is Oliver. 'You alright mate?' He asks, 'You look a bit peaky.'

//So would you if you just had your lover go down on you in the bathroom.// I think to myself, a blissed-out smile creeping onto my face, I can't help it. Fortunately Oliver interprets it as a sign that I've had too much to drink and signals Rachel over. 'I think you should take him home.' He tells her. Dozily I agree. Leaving Oliver to say our goodbyes for us, we head home. Well that went all right.


~Chapter Thirteen~

It is frightening almost how quickly Darren and I settle into a routine. We try and see each other as often as possible, fortunately most people just think that we've hit it off as mates. Oliver certainly seems pleased that his little brother and his bright new shining star have become so pally.

Darren still sings three nights a week at the club but his days are now consumed with working on his demo, Oli's managed to create a fair bit of interest, always carting him off to this meeting or that.

He's also churning out prolific amounts of new material, calling me his 'muse' and continuing to claim that I inspire him. He 'officially' enlists me to help him with some of the melodies. It makes a welcome change not to have to lie to Rachel. I can tell her that I'm going over to Darren's and only feel moderately guilty; the times I don't come home explained away as all-night jamming sessions. Even something as simple as meeting up for coffee at lunchtime gives me immense pleasure if it means I get to spend time in Darren's company. He keeps casually dropping into conversation how much he would like me to play on what has come to be known as 'our' track and I know he is deliberately putting off recording it while there's a chance I'll give in. I must admit I am weakening. It is a very temping prospect, to play like that again. I love it, the whole process of creating sound, capturing it and tinkering around until you have achieved the perfect result. I'm finding it harder and harder just to sit passively in the control booth listening to others make the sound. They are all very talented musicians but none of them come close to injecting the feeling and emotion into his songs that I know Darren is striving for.

Invariably my relationship with Rachel goes into decline, nothing major, just little things, we make love less and less, mainly because I am finding it harder and harder to touch her, to want to be close to her. It is as if we are becoming strangers and I know it's all down to me. We argue over petty, insignificant things and I seriously begin to wonder why we ever got together. Yes, I love her but I'm beginning to realise not in the way I love Darren. With Darren and me it's different, it's like we are two halves of the same whole. He understands things about me that even I don't understand about me. It's like Darren is my...soulmate.

Eventually I give in and agree to play on our collaboration, which now has the title 'Truly Madly Deeply'. He insists we record it pared down, just his vocals and my playing. How nobody notices the electricity that surges between us as we do so I will never know.

'Okay whenever you're ready.' A voice informs us over the intercom.

It's just me and him alone in the studio. Forcing myself to concentrate I begin to play the opening chords. Everything is so still that you can hear the strings squeaking beneath my fingers as I move them up and down the fretboard.

'I'll be your wish, I'll be your dream, I'll be your fantasy'

Darren's voice comes to me through my headphones sending tingles the length of my spine. I have my back to him but don't have to see him to imagine the look of ecstasy on his face. He'll be standing there, swaying slightly in time to the music, eyes closed, head back. It takes all my effort and focus just to ensure I hit all the changes in the right place. He alone knows what effect his voice has on me and I will my body to behave.

Oliver and the assorted staff who are present sit spellbound behind the soundproof glass as the song unfolds.

'I want to stand with you on a mountain,

I want to bathe with you in the sea,

I want to lay like this forever,

Until the sky falls down on me'

I go into the instrumental break determined to give it all I've got. I know that there is very little I can do publicly to show Darren how much I care about him but this I can do. This is my gift back. The magic of the moment takes over, banishing any lingering nerves and I give what I hope is the performance of my lifetime.

As we go to fade out, Oliver comes in and gives us a thumbs up. 'That was great guys.' It takes a lot to impress my brother but I can tell this has. He has that faraway look in his eyes, like yes this is the one. This is a future #1. I allow myself a little smile, if only you knew Oli, if only you knew...

Then it is my turn to sit and watch as Darren lays down the backing dubs. His voice soars clear and pure, every note perfect and when he whispers a breathless 'I love you' halfway through the third verse, I swear my whole body turns to jelly. He opens his eyes just long enough to give me a quick wink, yep jelly it is.

Afterwards he justifies the insertion with a small shrug of his shoulders, saying it felt right to put it in there, nobody argues. They all figure it will appeal to a female audience but I know that it is for me alone. His own declaration, hidden for all the world to see.

It's been a long evening, Darren is nothing if not a perfectionist, and it's come midnight before he finally calls a holt. Everyone else long gone, the one remaining engineer gratefully heads home, leaving us to lock up. I'm sat at the control desk, listening to the playback on headphones when I feel two arms snake 'round my neck. Pulling out the jack I flood the booth with the sound of Darren's breathless falsetto.

'...I feel you like the rain

I feel you like a storm cloud

Building in my heart

I wonder if you know the pain

To want the one thing that you haven't got...'

Closing my eyes I lean back in the chair as he comes 'round to sit in my lap, snuggling in to place soft, lazy kisses on my collarbone and neck. No words are spoken, none are needed. Protectively I bring my arms up to hold him to me, feeling the warmth of his body against mine. I know that this isn't foreplay, simply a desire for comfort and closeness. Still it's a strange sensation; the moisture of Darren's lips on my skin as his voice fills my ears.

'...Just a twist in time

Just a sip of wine

Just a kiss divine...and you could be mine...'

I sigh appreciatively. If this was my last night on earth I wouldn't care. I could quite happily die now. In fact I wonder if I haven't. To feel this much contentment must surely be beyond the realms of mortal existence.

After a while the kisses trail off and Darren lays his head on my chest. Tenderly I stroke his raven locks, watching his body gently rise and fall with each breath. The tape rolls on, and I drown as Darren's voice permeates every pore, every vein of my body. He wasn't wrong when he called it an intoxication. I'm getting higher all the time.

'...Conversation has a time and place

In the interaction of a lover and a mate

But the time of talking, using symbols, using words

Can be likened to a deep sea diver who is swimming with a raincoat...'

The track ends and reluctantly I make to stand. 'Dar, come on baby, time to go home.' There's no response. Worn out with all the exertions of the last few weeks he has fallen asleep in my arms. I really don't want to move him but have little choice, we both need to go home.

'Darren, come on, wake up.'

He stirs and buries his head deeper into my shoulder.

'Come on,' standing up I take him with me, forcing him to get to his feet. Stretching I attempt to unkink my body. It's not taken kindly to bearing, the full weight of Darren for the last half an hour and now the muscles are rebelling.

'Home time sleepyhead.' I pass him his jacket, which he doesn't even have the energy to put on. 'You're far too tired to drive, I'll drop you.' Wrapping an arm 'round his shoulders I trail him with me as I shut down the desk, lock up and set the alarm.

He's practically asleep again by the time we reach my car, and when we get to his apartment I have to nudge him to get him to open his eyes long enough to pass me his keys. Opening the front door I guide him in and through to his room. Laying him down gently on the bed I remove his boots and socks before pulling the duvet over him.

''sks aniel,' a sleepy voice lisps.

'You're very welcome.'

He's out for the count before I've even finished tucking him in. 'Goodnight Darren.' Dropping a light kiss on his forehead I creep out and make my own weary way home.


~Chapter Fourteen~

'Do you regret what we've done?' Darren's hands are lazily playing in my hair.

It's a rainy Saturday afternoon and we're curled up on his sofa watching some trashy black and white movie on cable. Just hanging out, just enjoying being in each other's company.

'No,' I tell him, nuzzling my head further into his shoulder, 'why, do you?'

'No, not for a minute, it's just...' His voice trails off unwilling to complete the thought.

'Rachel.' I finish for him.

His hands leave my head and come to rest at the back of my neck. 'The last thing I want to do is break up what you have with her.' He says with a deep sigh.

'Sssh,' I silence him with my fingertips, 'you're not.'

And he's not. I'm quite capable of wrecking my relationship with Rachel all on my own and so far I'm making a damn good job of it. Every time I see Darren, I tell myself that I shouldn't be doing this. It's not fair on any of us. Where am I heading with Darren? Ok scratch that one for the moment, I don't want to have to think about that one just yet. But where am I heading with Rachel? I don't want to hurt either of them, yet sooner or later it's gonna come down to that. Darren's already made it clear that he doesn't regard me as a one-night stand and I certainly don't think of him that way, which only goes to make the situation even more complicated.

It's funny how you never notice the little things, they just creep up on you until one day you turn around and you can't remember a time when they didn't exist, its like they've always been there. Little things that you just take for granted. Little things like how there is always beer in Darren's fridge now even though he doesn't drink, what's more it's always the brand that I drink. How one morning I remember to pick up cream on my way to the shop because I'm out of it, nothing strange there, you may think, except that I prefer milk in my coffee. Or how a spare toothbrush magically appears one morning in Darren's bathroom. Or the fact that I am seriously contemplating asking my brother about resuming the session work, a thought that a few months ago wouldn't have even crossed my mind. I could go on, the little things, the little steps all bringing us closer towards...towards what?

'Dan, hey earth to Danny.'

I've completely missed what Darren has just said to me. 'Eh? Sorry, miles away.'

'I'd say. What's up? Still dwelling on Rachel?'

'No.'

'So what then?' He tentatively strokes my cheek.

A million thoughts fight for dominance in my head. The one that's winning at the moment is 'Who am I'? Being with Darren has forced me to reassess my own sexuality. I'm still finding it hard to equate what I have with him with all those gyrating couples in the club. Before I met Darren, I had never so much as glanced at another guy much less considered kissing one or anything else for that matter. I regarded myself as 100% straight and when I met Rachel thought that that was the rest of my life sorted. Marriage, kids, the whole domestic bliss thing. Now I'm not so sure. Has my existence up until this moment been one big lie?

'Nothing.' I tell him.

'Don't lie to me. I can tell when something's bothering you. Come on spill,' he looks at me with sincere eyes, 'I'm a good listener you know.'

'I know.'

'Daniel, please talk to me. I want to help.'

I guess if anyone can help Darren's the one. It just seems a trivial thing to worry about - a clear case of me overanalysing things again.

'Dan, please. What's going on inside that lovely head of yours?' His hands move back to my hair.

'It's nothing really, you'll think I'm being silly.'

'Try me.'

I can see that I'm not going to get any peace until I tell him. I'm not quite sure how to word it though, so I just come straight out with it.

'What does all this make me?'

'Make you?'

'Yeah you know am I straight, gay, bi...? What?'

'You're you Daniel,' he tells me gently, 'you're you. Gender is merely a label, nothing says you have to conform to one thing or another.'

'I know but...'

'This really bothers you doesn't it? Please don't let it.' A tender plea. 'The way I see it is you fall in love with the person, not the gender.'

'Hmph! Easy for you to say.'

'You reckon?' He gives a little laugh and raises his eyebrows at me. 'What you are feeling now,' he goes on to explain, 'all these emotions you are trying to work out, I've been there too, except I was fourteen, fifteen when I was doing it. The 'Why do I feel like this, I must be a terrible person to look at boys like that, it's wrong.' I was petrified the other guys in my classes would find out and of what they would do to me if they did. Not to mention my parents. You cannot imagine the daily fear I lived in, worried someone would find out my guilty secret. It was eating me up inside, I even considered running away from home at one point, it got that bad. But I was lucky, I had a good friend who helped me through it, helped me discover who I really was.'

He runs his fingers lovingly up and down my arm.

'You're just having to figure it out a little later than most that's all.' Placing a comforting kiss on my lips he returns to his original question. 'Now do you want Indian or Chinese takeout?'

'How about Australian?' I reply, returning his kiss and deepening it, tasting all the good things that are Darren.

'Mmm, tempting though your suggestion is you're gonna have to wait. I am in serious need of some real food. You wouldn't want me fading away now would you?'

I laugh and playfully pinch his arm. 'No danger of that is there.'

'Hey what are you saying? Just 'cause you are nothing but skin and bones.' A cushion pummels my face, making me fight for breath.

'Alright already.' I raise my hands in defeat. Reaching over I take his hands in mine. 'Thank you. For telling me all that, I mean. It just gets a bit hard sometimes.'

'I know. Nobody is born out. There's not a person alive gay or bi who hasn't been where you are now. It will get easier, believe me, just give it time and stop worrying,' he shakes my hands up and down for emphasis. 'Now what do you want to eat?'

'How about...' I begin, hardly daring to believe that I'm about to suggest what I am, but I guess I've got to start exorcising my demons sometime and now seems as good a time as ever, 'We go out to eat?'

'Yeah sure, whatever.'

That wasn't quite what I meant. 'No, I mean properly, like on a date.'

His wide eyes are clear proof that he never saw that one coming. 'Daniel are you sure?'

'Yes. Look, in all the time we've been together we've never gone on a date. We've hung out together, we've had lunch together...'

'We've made mad passionate love.' He giggles.

'...but we've never gone on a date.' I finish. I glance over at the clock. 5:30pm. 'Okay,' I inform him, 'it's half five now, I'm going to go home and get changed, you go run yourself a bath or whatever, make yourself look even more beautiful and I'll be back here at 7 sharp to pick you up. Make sure you're ready.' I disentangle myself from his embrace and make for the door.

'Daniel...'

'Just be ready.' I warn, kissing him goodbye.