~Chapter Thirteen - Where Angels Burn~
Another night of hell. And I ran away from it. I knew that I was running when I went to that club across town. It was on the outskirts of the city, and it had a reputation for being somewhat...unsavory.
I, unfortunately, didn't care.
What I cared about was forgetting everything about Daniel. I stalked past the writhing Gothic and raver dancers up to the bar of Bad Blood, ordered something random off the drink list, and proceeded to get blind, stinking drunk.
An hour or three later, I stumbled out into the chilly night and found myself in a dirty alley with a few Goth rent boys milling about. It gave me the nicest idea. I walked over to one and struck up a bit of a conversation.
"Hey, you're the bloke they call Lestat down at the Plaza, aren't you?"
Red-rimmed brown eyes swung in my direction. "Yeah. What's it to you?"
Shrug. "Just wondering if you'd help out a renter in need. I can't show at the Plaza for a while, got a bit of a tailer, and I need somewhere new to work till things cool down."
"Exactly what do you want here?" Lestat looked terribly suspicious.
//Didn't I just say that?// "Like I said, I need a place to work until I can start show at the Plaza again." I tossed my hair out of my face and bounced in place a bit. "Look, can I kick here or not?"
"Whatever, mate."
Lestat made no other move to speak to me, so I took it as an okay and picked a spot on the wall.
It wasn't long before I got a customer. He was tall and too skinny, with paper white skin and fire red hair. His black duster billowed out behind his legs as he walked along the row of Goth hookers. I knew immediately that he was heading for me.
"How much, bitch?"
"Two hundred, but I'm worth it."
Hey, no harm in upping the price if he would pay it anyway, right?
"Come on."
//Man of few words.// I shrugged and followed him to another alley a couple of blocks away. He turned and looked me up and down with glazed yellow eyes, and I fought back a shudder at the sickening inspection.
"Get me hard, bitch."
Right to the point, eh? I automatically reached for his fly and pushed his pants and briefs out of the way. I was just starting to touch him when the first one came.
His fist connected with my head. There was a nauseating burst of light and pain on the side of my face, and I jerked back. He grabbed my wrist and yanked me back to him. His hand over mine, I resumed my previous activity and he resumed his.
It was a long night.
Still, I went back to the alley behind Bad Blood every night that week. I never saw that first guy again, but all the others I turned tricks for were just as bad. I had the cuts and bruises to prove it.
When I got home on Monday morning, my answering machine was blinking. I pressed the play button with stiff fingers.
"Darren, it's Kai. I just wanted to let you know that there's a concert you might be interested in."
Kai. I knew her from the Plaza. I could see her blue-gray eyes sparkling with excitement and her curly blond hair bouncing about her shoulders as she took a dramatic breath before the message continued.
"*Savage* is playing the Tavern this weekend. You have to come - I managed to get tickets from a client who's got connections. I really hope you get this soon. Call me!"
I stared dumbly at the machine for all of two seconds before rage penetrated my stupefied haze. Ignoring the pain from my most recently inflicted injuries, I seized the machine from the table, ripped the cords from it, and threw it across the living room.
"Damn you, Daniel. Damn you!"
Daniel was playing the Tavern? What the hell for? I couldn't understand why he was doing this, unless it was just one more way for Fate to laugh in my face. That had to be it, 'cos there was no other reason for him to be at the place where it all started.
Was there?
~Chapter Fourteen - The Key to Your Unhappiness~
By the time I got around to calling Kai that day, I was half out of my mind. Sleep wasn't an option 'cos, when I closed my eyes, I kept seeing all those johns from the alley, kept feeling their hands all over me, kept waking up screaming. My numerous injuries meant that moving much was out of the question, so I decided to take a night off. Might as well, considering I'd been making twice as much as usual.
I gingerly lowered myself onto the sofa and dialed up Kai.
"Hello?" //Sounds too damn chipper.// "Hey, Kai. What'd you want?"
"Darren? I - you got my message, right? Well, I got two tickets to see Savage play this weekend. I know he's, like, your idol, so I thought it'd be nice to invite you to go with me."
"I can't, Kai."
Her confusion was almost tangible. "Why not? You love Savage."
"Something just...came up, all right?"
"All right." More confusion. "Let me know if you change your mind."
"Bye."
"Bye."
*Click*
//I've had the reality, can I go back to the fantasy?//
That question kept looping through my mind as Kai and I drove down to the Tavern.
I had called her back, despite my best intentions. After hearing that I could go after all, she'd excitedly arranged our evening for the concert. I was to meet her at her flat, and we would go have dinner before arriving at the pub to see Daniel - Savage - perform.
I wasn't so sure I could go through with it, but I had to see him one last time.
So there we were, in Kai's low-slung little Mustang, heading for the Savage concert. I tried to keep up with her bubbly chatter, but my mind was more preoccupied with whether I would be able to watch Dan and not be near him. After being with him, there was no way I could simply go back and pretend that he and Savage were separate people, that I still had a dream lover who would love me back.
God, it was depressing.
"You know, the guys told me that some john's been driving around all week looking for you. Nobody knew where you were, though, so he doesn't know anything. You're not in trouble are you?"
It took me a second to realize what she had just said. "Some guy? I - no, I'm not in trouble, really. But what did he look like?"
"Dunno. Drove a silver merc, blond hair, I think. That's all anybody said."
//Could it be Daniel? Why? If only it was...//
"We're here."
Kai's bright announcement interrupted my train of thought. We climbed out of the Mustang and got in line for the show. It inched forward, but every step made me more nervous. I couldn't go through -
"Ticket."
"Here you go. Oh, and he's with me."
The bouncer ripped the tickets in half, handed Kai the stubs, and waved us inside. It was packed already. I wove through the milling crowd to a table that was miraculously empty, and Kai and I sat down. My leg bounced nervously while we waited for the show to start.
I fidgeted through the opening act. It was hot as hell in there, and people were shucking coats left and right. I took a long drink of the water that had been provided, watching as Kai chatted up a former client of hers.
Suddenly a hush fell over the crowd. A spotlight hit an emcee on the small stage, all eyes riveted to him.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you now, in his *first ever* live performance... Savage!"
The crowd's roar was deafening, but all I could hear was my own heartbeat, pounding in my head as I watched Daniel step onto the stage. He looked so scared. I wanted to wrap him up and protect him from the world.
Blinding camera flashes, then a near silence. Daniel stood there and stared into the crowd for a long moment; he picked up his guitar and sat down almost robotically. He started playing, and that blank look was back on his face. The same look from the other night...
Sitting through his set was torture. I was assailed with memories of our time together, but what hurt most was the knowledge that we would have no more.
~Chapter Fifteen - Broken Wings~
As he finished the next to last song, I applauded numbly. He made as if to start the last song, but then he did something that I don't think anyone expected: he spoke.
"I..." He started into the hastily set-up mic. "I want to dedicate this next song to the person who gave it meaning. You're so much more than what they think of you."
//Oh, God...//
I watched him begin 'Universe', but there was no way I could stay. It hurt too much. While Kai was distracted, I slipped away from our table and ran for the back of the Tavern. Hiding in the bathroom was better than breaking down in tears in the middle of the audience.
I waited until the last muted echoes faded from my hearing before stepping outside again. To my surprise, I saw Daniel practically run into his makeshift dressing room.
//Do I dare?//
I guess I did. My body started moving without direction by my mind, and I watched disjointedly as my hand crept up to timidly knock on the door.
//What am I doing what am I doing what am I doing?//
The door swung open.
Daniel stared out at me with a confused expression. I wanted nothing more right then than to pounce him and make everything the way it had been, but I was too scared that I would be rejected. I couldn't take that again, not now.
Instead, I opened my mouth to speak. "Why'd you do it?"
"It was the only way I could think to find you."
He couldn't possibly mean that. But his eyes...they told me the truth behind the words.
"Daniel...I...I'm in the book."
He let out some peculiar sound, and my forehead crinkled a bit in confusion.
"I don't know your last name."
My breath rushed in suddenly and sharply. "I didn't re..." I blinked to clear my suddenly misty eyes. "It's Hayes...Darren Hayes."
~Chapter Sixteen - In Your Eyes~
We moved toward one another almost awkwardly, unsure of ourselves, but then his hand was on my face and our mouths met. It was the purest, most beautiful kiss I had ever had. I never knew just how much I had needed this.
//I take back everything bad I said about Fate, as long as I can keep him.//
His tongue slid into my mouth, dancing sensually with mine. I let my hands wander his back while he held me impossibly close. It was more than I could have hoped for, to be here with him like this, and I thanked every god I knew of for this one last chance. Surely nothing less than divine intervention could have pulled us together again.
"I'm sorry... I was going to tell you..." He mumbled. I kissed him to shut him up. I was the one who should be apologizing.
"I didn't give you a chance... God, I wish I hadn't run away..." Another unrefined kiss, no thought for delicacy. I just needed to take as much of him into myself as I could.
A long moment later I pulled back to draw in much-needed air. My fingers brushed down the side of his face. "Once I found out who you are I... I was so sure you wouldn't want me."
He looked like I had just told him monkeys were waging war on Saturn. Absolute incredulity.
"Darren..."
He trailed off and kissed me instead, not that I had any problem with that. I could feel him getting hard against me, and my body responded in kind as I started to move against him. His hands slipped under my shirt; mine palmed his tight ass. I could feel us start to tip over, sending us against the wall, but I didn't care. I just kissed him again. We were almost sloppy in our haste to touch each other again, moaning and moving together.
My hands were just sliding up his back to pull his shirt off when -
"Daniel, get the fuck outta there! You're due on stage five minutes ago!"
- someone began beating at the door.
Daniel made a noise of defeat and pulled away. His forehead rested against mine for a moment, then he looked at me and a peculiar glint appeared in his emerald eyes.
He looked up toward the door. "Two minutes!"
//What the hell is he doing?//
I watched him saunter to the door and open it a bit. "And Lynne...Get the road crew to set up another mic. For vocals."
//What the *hell* is he *doing*?//
"Excuse me? When did you start singing?" The woman in the hall was sounding rather irate.
"It's not for me." He opened the door the rest of the way and motioned for me to come forward. I gave him my patented Death Glare before going over.
"Darren this is Lynne Christie my manager, Lynne this is Darren Hayes: vocalist, songwriter."
Lynne went bug-eyed. "You're not serious-"
Daniel just smiled a secretive Prince Charming smile. "Trust me on this one, Lynne. You won't regret it." She still looked unconvinced. "I'm not going on without him."
I watched her chin firm up, and her voice became unnaturally level. "Fine. But you'd better make sure I don't regret this."
He was about to close the door when she touched his arm and whispered something. I, however, simply stood there like an idiot, staring disbelievingly at the back of Daniel's head.
~Chapter Seventeen - Whispering the Magic~
"What are you doing?"
"I'm giving those people out there a chance to hear the most beautiful voice on the planet."
He pushed some hair out of my face and brushed a feather-light kiss on my lips. I was still dumbfounded.
"Look, if you don't want to do this, just say the word and I'll tell Lynne to shove it. But I meant what I said - I'm not going out there without you."
//Do I want to do this?//
//What do you mean 'do I want to'?! Of course you do!//
"Okay. But what song are we doing?"
He met the challenge in my gaze with full on confidence. "You know which one. Is it finished?"
"I don't know - is it?"
"Yeah, it is."
He couldn't keep the grin off his face. The corner of my mouth quirked up in response. "Good." We left the dressing room and headed back to the stage. The noise of the audience returned as they shifted about and speculated to one another as to why Savage wasn't back. I risked a glance at Dan, but he was looking rather green with nerves.
My hand settled briefly on his shoulder. "Don't be nervous."
He flashed me a faint smile and spoke to his backing musicians. They wandered further backstage, and I realized what Daniel was doing. This was our song, and we would face the crowd only with each other.
Dan took his place on his stool and picked up his guitar. I stepped forward and took the mic off the stand. A deep breath, and I was ready. The first haunting strains of the song stopped the audience's chatter abruptly as they leaned forward to listen.
I poured the words out of my heart, meaning each and every one of the words with a depth of emotion that no one but Daniel could possibly understand. I almost wanted to laugh at what they were missing.
"I knew I loved you before I met you..."
//Always, Daniel.//
"I think I dreamed you into life I knew I loved you before I met you I have been waiting all my life..."
I think my attitude of comfort even began to affect Daniel.
About mid-way through the song, he got off of the stool and made his way toward me. He might have even been enjoying himself.
It was over in far too short a time. I sang my heart out for my Daniel, threw my soul into the spotlight for the masses to see and consume. As the last chord hovered over us, the audience burst into wild applause, cameras flashed like so many supernovas, but all I saw was Dan.
He put his guitar on its stand on the side of the stage, and we stepped into the wings. He was practically glowing. His mouth was on mine in an eye-blink, devouring me tenderly, completing the circuit between us. I couldn't remember ever knowing such a complete sense of being loved.
Our lips parted after a beautiful eternity, one of Dan's hands still on my face. Emerald eyes locked with sapphire. "Did you mean it?"
I tightened my arms on him, pulling us closer together, and smiled.
"Every word."
My unspoken question hung in the air. //Did you, Dan?//
His brilliant grin mirrored mine. "Me, too."
~Chapter Eighteen - The World of Two~
Daniel and I were all over each other as Lynne dragged us back to Dan's dressing room. We laughed the whole way there, ignoring her death threats and attempts to pry us apart. Both of us were happy, too overjoyed to be together again to care that anyone else existed in the universe. Lynne finally managed to get us tucked away in the dressing room, but instead of railing at us for our behaviour, she just sighed and told Dan to go back to the hotel. She said it was best if I were kept a mystery for now.
//Yeah. Right.// I suppose she knew that if we did any interviews now, the reporters would have to be complete morons to miss what was going on between me and Daniel.
//How could anyone *not* see it? It's like staring into the sun - look too long and the brightness starts to hurt.//
She had a taxicab come pick us up, and we made out the whole way back. It was quite lovely; I couldn't believe how much I had missed this. When we got to the hotel, I realized it, but Daniel didn't. His hands were up my shirt, his mouth on mine, as the cabbie made a show of clearing his throat to get our attention. I bit my lip as Dan froze in embarrassment. It wouldn't do to laugh at a time like this.
He turned an interesting shade of red, shoved the fare into the man's hand, and hauled me out of the cab. He was adorable, all flustered and awkward about it. I wasn't worried about the situation because there was no way that the driver could recognize us yet. He was sure to get a bit of a surprise in tomorrow's papers.
Daniel took my hand and dragged me into the hotel lobby to the lifts. I was still relaxed and rather aroused, and my eyes burned into him as we took the lift to his room. He avoided looking at me for the most part, but he finally glanced up when he pulled the key from his pocket, nearly dropping it when our eyes met. I knew what he was seeing.
A thousand questions played counterpoint to the desire flashing in my eyes.
//Questions can wait. I want to be with him now.//
He seemed at a loss as to what he should do. It was odd that he had had no trouble with all of this before, but now that things had come clean, he was acting like a nervous teenager about to lose his virginity. Have I mentioned how adorable he was? If he was going to be so skittish about it, I would let him take it at his own pace. No need in making him any more uncomfortable.
He finally fumbled the door open and let us inside, then I was standing quietly and watching him watch me. Neither of us made a move to do anything. Just stood there like strangers, staring. //You have to make the first move, Daniel.//
"You want a drink or something?" He seized the first opportunity he could find and clung to it like a lifeline. I rolled my eyes as he opened the refrigerator hid behind the door.
//Guess I'll have to make the first move, after all.//
I edged up to him and pressed my body along his, my arms going around his waist and my hands on his firm chest.
"I'm not thirsty..."
My lips brushed against his shoulder, soft and slow, giving him the chance to tell me to slow down. I don't think that's what he had in mind at all.
Daniel leaned back against me, his hands moving back and sliding over my hips, pulling me tight against him in the chill of the refrigerated air. I kissed his cheek softly as he turned his head, then watched his eyes close briefly. When he opened them again, I was caught in liquid emerald. He turned to face me, our eyes locked and our bodies unconsciously pressing close.
We stood there for the longest time, just staring, just being. I finally noticed that Daniel's bare arms were covered in goosebumps.
The urge to touch was impossible to resist. I rubbed one hand down his arm, wondering at the texture. Funny how you never notice things like that about anyone until you're in love. I wrapped my fingers around his wrist and lifted his hand to my lips to place a gentle kiss to his palm. My eyes drifted shut as I rested my face in his hand, his fingers sliding into my hair.
//I never want to let go...//
He pulled me toward him until our lips met. God, I was addicted to his taste. He was rough, wild, kissing me with a fierce passion, hands all over any part of me he could reach. I loved it. Unfortunately, he pulled away much too soon. My brow knitted in confusion.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." He knew I didn't believe him. I waited for him to explain. "I just... I don't want to be another transaction to you."
"Is that what you think this is? I fuck you, you sign me. Fame in exchange for sex?" I was bloody furious that the notion had even crossed his mind, and I knew he could tell. He looked rather ashamed of himself.
//Well, he ought to be. Why in the world would he think that?//
"No. I don't think that's what this is. I mean, I hope it isn't...but if it was..." He paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to say it. "I don't want you to be here if you don't want to be. Either way you're getting signed, and you're going to be huge. You belong on that stage, Darren, you're made for it. But I don't want you selling yourself anymore, especially not to me."
Oh, bloody hell. For a smart man, he could be incredibly stupid sometimes.
"Don't you think if I was playing you, Dan, that I would've done a better job of it?" I smiled a bit as he laughed in relief, and I shook my head in wonder of his obtuse conclusion. "You were never just another transaction to me, Daniel."
From the moment I had seen him coming toward me at the Plaza, I had known that he was different. I'm usually not wrong about people, and I was on the mark with Daniel. He was different from anyone I had ever known, so wonderful. How had I ever gotten so lucky?
My fingers guided Daniel's head toward mine again, urging him into another kiss. I teased him a bit, barely brushing my lips against his, before deepening the kiss. His body quivered as his arms went around my body, and his hands trailed up my legs, my arse, my back. They slid under my shirt, warm and firm against my skin.
Still standing in the fridge door, we were plastered together, trying to get closer still. I let one hand roam down his back to settle on his firm arse, the other hand feathering across his chest to stroke his nipples. It wasn't enough.
I pulled away, panting. Daniel's eyes were unfocussed and dilated to a mere rim of green around the huge pupils, his hair tousled, his skin flushed. //Beautiful.//
"There a bed in this place?"
"You know where it is."
I caught his hand in mine and led him to the bedroom. He watched me toe off my shoes and climb onto the bed, lying back with indolent ease. And he was still watching. I squelched my slight amusement and let him stare for a moment. Smiling slightly, I summoned him to me with a finger.
He dropped down to the mattress and stalked up my body, hovering over me before ravaging my mouth once more.
I needed to feel him against me, and I pulled him down so that his body was completely covering mine, not even a millimeter of space between us. I nearly whimpered when he left me. He tugged my shirt off, and we were suddenly ripping at one another's clothing. Shirts, pants, socks were tossed into heaven knows where, until we wore only our underwear.
His disappeared as rapidly as the rest of his clothes under my eager hands, but he wasn't so quick with mine. He stroked my aching cock through my black briefs. I sucked on his tongue encouragingly. It was killer torture, but what a way to go.
//Oh shit...oh god...oh fuck.// My thought process was completely short-circuited.
"Danny, please..." I finally managed.
He didn't stop, and I was fast getting to the point where any more would be agony. The noises I made went unnoticed, not that I would have cared if I had noticed, and Daniel continued the sweet torment. Something had to give. I must have done something right at last, because just then he looked me in the eye and slid his fingers into the waist of my briefs.
//Oh, thank god.//
As soon as he touched me, my eyes rolled back and my head dropped onto the pillow. Daniel's name escaped my lips like a prayer. His mouth moved to my neck while his hand worked to push me over the edge. I felt his hips move rhythmically against me, his cock grinding against my leg. My world had narrowed down to the two of us, heat against heat, passions met and matched in that rare way that feels like nothing short of a miracle.
He moved across my throat, down my chest, to my sensitive nipples. Damn, but he was amazing.
I slid my fingers into his soft blond hair and pulled him closer, urging him to continue. He traced the fine muscles of my torso and stomach with his lips, his breath hot and damp against my skin, down until his mouth was almost in the same place as his hands. I whimpered helplessly, the sound drawing out into a vibrato moan when he pulled my underwear off. Dim realization of his intentions wriggled its way into my hazy senses.
"Dan, no... you don't have t-OHHHHHHHHH..."
God, I'd missed this. Daniel had an astonishingly talented mouth. He coaxed broken phrases from me: pleas for more, promises of devotion, wordless sounds.
When I felt him about to change his pace, I pulled lightly on his hair until he looked up at me. It was hard to make myself stop him, but I met his questioning gaze with staunch resolution. As nice as it would be to let him just go back to what he was doing, I wanted him inside me even more. I fought to draw in enough air to explain.
"Wait...I want..."
Unsure of how to ask, I pushed him onto his back and straddled his hips so that our erections were pressed against one another. I rocked against him, listening to his strained moans as he bucked up to meet my motions. His hands gripped my hips almost painfully hard, but it was all translated into pleasure at that point. When I ground into him, he made a sound that was nearly a growl.
He pulled me closer and returned to sucking on my neck. He followed the tendons in my neck up, then along my jaw to my mouth for a deep kiss. We stayed like that for a long moment until we realized that we needed one another too badly. I wrenched my mouth from his and launched myself at the side of the bed where my clothes had landed. I was searching in my pocket when Daniel slipped over next to me, his hands on my ass.
I found the condoms and lube, and Dan pressed himself along my back when I straightened up. I could feel his cock against me, his lips on my neck, and he deftly removed the condom from my suddenly weak hands. He unwrapped it and ran his hands down my ribs.
A tremor passed through my spine, and I moved forward a bit so he could put the condom on. Color me shocked when he pulled me to him and rolled it onto me, instead.
"Dan..."
"Shhh...I want you inside me."
I moaned shakily at his husky whisper. //Sweet merciful heaven. Did he really just say that?//
I turned around in his arms so we were face to face and heard the catch in his breath when our erections brushed again.
I wanted to, oh I wanted to, but he had never done this before. "It'll hurt," I warned.
"I don't care."
I swallowed hard as I weighed the consequences in my head. I didn't want to hurt him, never that, but we both wanted to share that intimacy. All right. I latched onto his mouth once more, surreptitiously coating my fingers with lubricant as his tongue explored my mouth. Slowly, gently, I slipped my fingers into his body to prepare him. It wasn't long beforel he grew used to the sensation and began pushing into it.
Knowing he was ready, I guided him to his stomach and covered him with my own body.
"You sure?"
"Do it, Darren, please..."
I knew it would hurt, and I entered him as slowly as I could. He was so tight; it was difficult to restrain myself. But I focused on him, murmured soothing nothings into his ear until his muscles were taut with a different kind of tension, one born of pleasure. Then we were moving together, my hand on his cock, his body surrounding me, both of us feeding the other's passion with our own.
His muscles contracted around me, and he cried my name as he came. My breathing was laboured, but I sucked in a ragged breath to call out his name, as well. I couldn't remember anything ever feeling so good. If heaven were anything close to this, I could see why so many people were eager to get there.
I got rid of the condom and returned to Daniel's warm embrace. We were flushed and sweaty, trying to return our heartrates to normal. How did I get so lucky?
"Are you okay?" I finally asked, gently running my fingers over his back.
"I'm better than okay," he said sleepily.
And for the first time in my life, I was, too.
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