The Cheat by Elina S.

~Chapter One~

[Darren]

I knew something was wrong as soon as I opened the front door. It struck me like a lightning and I almost ran through the apartment looking for you. As I approached the bedroom - our bedroom - something made me slow down. The sharp edge of fear subsided and was replaced with fear of what I'd find.

I was a few steps away from the door when it hit me. The smell. The smell I knew so well from our nights spent together. Only this time it didn't mingle with the smell of my own sweat but the stinging stench of someone else. The apartment smelled of sex. Reeked of it. I wasn't surprised when I heard the rustle of sheets and a quiet groan. I always made you scream.

I don't remember much about what happened after that. I opened the door to see what I knew I'd find. It took a while before you noticed me. Plenty of time for me to notice the man - stranger - in our bed was a brunette. He was lean and athletic. So different from me. More like you. He was inside of you. I could have handled a blowjob, maybe even you fucking him. But you had let him inside of you. You once told me you'd never liked being fucked until you were with me. You said you didn't trust anyone else enough. Apparently you'd changed your mind.

I don't remember what you did once you noticed me or what I did. I don't think I shouted, I was too shocked for that. I don't think I ran either. I felt too weak. You didn't run after me. Maybe you were as shocked as I or maybe you knew it would be pointless. Maybe you stayed in bed and let him finish doing you.

At first I thought about going to Leo's but then changed my mind. It'd be the first place you'd come looking for me. I found a motel after having walked a few miles. I hadn't stayed in one of those since - well, it had been a while. Fame does have its benefits. But I didn't care about that when I curled up on the bed knowing I wouldn't sleep.

I'm crying again. I thought I'd run out of tears weeks ago. I grab the bottle from the bedside table and down the last pills.

Tomorrow morning I'll take some more pills to get up. But now I need to sleep. It's going to be a busy day tomorrow.


~Chapter Two~

[Daniel]

The sheets feel coarse against my skin. It was so much easier to slide between your - our - silk sheets. You always liked a bit of luxury. Candles, scented shower gel, flowers. The kind of things Ben and Karl would laugh at whenever they were visiting. I would laugh with them but always let you massage me with your aromatherapeutical oils after they left. I haven't seen Ben or Karl in months. I burned your favourite set of linen before I moved out. I knew you'd do it if I didn't and I didn't want you to see the stains. Semen from outside our little world.

You would often curl up in those sheets, put your arms around me and talk about how the bed was our haven. The one place where I belonged to no one but you. "Mine," you'd murmur, already half asleep after a long day.

"Was it worth it?" Leonie asked me that when I picked up my things from our - your - apartment. I laughed at her face. I knew you were in one of the rooms, hiding and biting your knuckles to keep your sobs under control, like I'd seen you do many a time. I also know there was no point in looking for you. You would have forgiven me for many things. But not for this.

I can't really say why I did it. I've thought about it, trying to figure out what made me do it. Were we too happy? Did I feel like I had to break the bubble? Were you too good for me? Did I have to cheat before you would? Was it too scary to love you so much? Was he too good-looking? Was I too drunk and horny to care? God, I've thought about it.

I didn't think about it when I emptied our liquor stash. Nor did I think about it when I threw it all up an hour later, my body convulsing with heaving and sobs. I haven't cried since then. Bad guys don't cry. The victims do. I am the one who caused this. What right do I have to cry? At first it was hard, not crying. The couple of nights after you'd left - and after I'd left and you'd gone back - I had to numb myself with rage to keep myself from crying. No liquor, it only makes me cry. Luckily I have the money to pay for the reparation.

Soon I learnt to just numb myself without throwing televisions out of the window of punching holes in the wall. Now I just lie between the cheap cotton sheets and wait for sleep. Most nights it brings nightmares. You staring at me while another man - stranger - fucks me. Me looking at you fuck someone else, familiar or not. But some nights I see you making love to me. Feel you fall asleep, still inside of me, smiling in your sleep. Telling me you'll never leave me. I live for those nights.

Was it worth it? No, it really wasn't.