Just Take My Heart by Stina
(Disclaimed: 'Just Take My Heart', Mr. Big)
"It's late at night
and neither one of us is sleeping..."
The room was dark. So dark that all the colours had morphed into shades of grey.
And it was silent. Darren heard his own breathing, heard the leaves on the tree outside rustle faintly.
His eyes had adjusted to the dark in the long hours he had been lying there awake. He saw the window, the wardrobe. The lamp on the ceiling.
And when he turned his head, looked through the open bedroom door, he saw the boxes. Big cardboard boxes.
And when he looked to the other side he saw Daniel, lying beside him, his back turned to Darren.
Saw the slight, steady and slow movements of his body, breathing in, breathing out.
He closed his eyes. Listened.
Normally when Daniel was asleep he heard his deep breaths. No snoring -- just deep, calm breaths.
Normally.
But what was normal on this night.
Darren looked over to the boxes again.
Daniel's clothes were in them, his personal belongings.
It was Daniel's last night in their house.
It had been love.
True and deep love.
But then love had turned into indifference.
Into silence.
They had made vague attempts to save their love, to bring it to life again.
Half-hearted attempts.
It did not work.
And seven days ago they had decided to end it.
And when the morning would come, Daniel would move out.
He had packed his things, Darren even had helped him. Had come tentatively into the room from time to time, carrying a single book in his hands or a small photo frame.
"Here... This is yours too.. I think..."
And Daniel had looked up, had looked at him with large, sad eyes.
Had nodded.
"Yes... Thank you..." And had put it into another box.
He had already taken his shampoo, his toothbrush from the bathroom, had turned around again.
"Forgot... I need this tomorrow morning..." He had mumbled.
Then they had gone to bed.
Silently, wordlessly.
No goodnight kiss anymore.
No goodnight kisses since... a long time ago.
Darren stared at the ceiling.
Where had they lost it... When had their love died...
He shivered.
The room was warm, but he felt the cold.
Tomorrow night he would lie here alone.
How silent would it be tomorrow night.
He heard Daniel move slightly.
Still could not hear him breathe.
He looked at him. The tousled hair, dark now in the night. His body, so slim under the cover.
He knew he was awake, too.
"Daniel...?" He whispered.
He saw how Daniel held his breath for a second.
Felt how he struggled with himself if he should react.
Silence.
"Yes...?"
Darren closed his eyes.
"You haven't slept yet...?"
"No..."
"Haven't slept either..."
Daniel sighed.
"No wonder..."
Darren reached out for the switch of the small lamp on the night stand.
Daniel heard it.
"No... Don't."
"Okay..."
Daniel seemed to shiver and Darren reached over, pulled his cover a bit higher.
"Feeling cold...?" He whispered.
Daniel nodded.
Darren caressed his shoulder slightly through the bed cover. When was the last time he had done this...
"I know..."
He smiled sadly.
"Tomorrow we both will be free and single again. And freedom is something wonderful. But freedom is also cold... And sometimes lonely..."
Then he sighed.
"Somehow I still can't imagine that you will be gone tomorrow. I think I will need... a few days before I realise it."
Daniel took a deep breath.
"Yeah... I will miss... this house. Everything..."
Darren slid a bit nearer. Somehow he wished Daniel would turn around -- and somehow he wished he wouldn't.
"What has happened?" He whispered. "Where have we lost it... And when?"
"I don't know..." Daniel whispered. "I only know... You don't love me anymore like you used to... And I know my feelings have changed, too..."
A tear ran down Darren's cheek.
"In the beginning we were so crazy for each other... But somehow..."
He touched Daniel's shoulder again, caressed his arm.
"I don't know if I love you anymore... But I want you to know that I still care for you..."
He wiped the tears away. "But I am sure you will find someone who really loves you... I am sure there is someone out there."
Daniel moved his hand to Darren's hand, placed his fingers lightly on it.
"You, too..." He whispered. "I know, these feelings I have for you now... They are not enough anymore to make you happy. You deserve someone better..."
He sighed. A sad, desperate sound.
"We should try to get some sleep now... The removal van will be here at eight in the morning..."
Darren's lips were trembling.
"Can I... Please... Is it okay if I hold you? Just until the morning..."
Daniel pressed his hand.
"Sure." He whispered.
Darren slid nearer until his body touched Daniel's back. He slid his upper arm around Daniel's waist, the other one under his head, buried his face in his hair.
Took a deep breath.
"Oh Danny..." He whispered.
Daniel stroked his arm gently.
"This was always my favourite position to fall asleep..." He whispered.
Darren smiled wistfully. "Mine, too..."
He breathed in again.
"I will miss the scent of your hair..."
Something wet ran down his arm where Daniel had rested his head.
They didn't remember when, but they fell asleep.
Darren awoke slowly to the sound of some kind of engine. Loud, deep... Letting the walls and the bed vibrate slightly... He mumbled something in his sleep, trying to hold... hold on...
Then the last remains of sleep disappeared and he felt Daniel's hands on his arm, heard his voice. Gentle and sad.
"Hey... You have to let me go, Darren. The guys with the removal van are here."
Darren released Daniel from his arms where had held him the rest of the night through.
He heard him get up, putting on a shirt and pants.
Looked up.
Daniel stood at the bedroom door, an unreadable expression on his face.
"I'll close the door until we are... finished, okay...?"
Darren tried to speak, cleared his throat.
"Okay..."
He heard Daniel shut the bedroom door, heard him walk down the hall, open the front door.
Heard more voices.
Buried his face in the cushion.
Would Daniel come in a last time to say goodbye when they had packed everything into the van? Or would he simply - leave?
The bedroom door opened.
Footsteps coming nearer. Slowly. Tentatively.
Darren raised his head, wiped his eyes.
Daniel was kneeling beside the bed, tears streaming down his face.
"I can't..." He whispered. "I can't go... I don't want to go..."
Darren stared at him. "Danny..."
He reached out his hand, caressed his face. "Oh Danny..."
Daniel bent forward, wrapped his arms around Darren's neck.
"I awoke this morning..." He whispered. "And you still held me and did not want to release me and you whispered: Don't go... Don't go..."
His shoulders were shaking. "I always had hoped in the last days you would say this. While I packed my bags, packed the boxes. I hoped you would say it only one time, so that we could... talk... But you never said it and I was too proud..."
He pressed Darren tighter. "And when I opened the door and they wanted to come in and take the boxes I just... I couldn't. I sent them away..."
He shivered as in a fever. "We don't love each other as much as we used to do, but we still care and we are still friends... We have each other... Isn't this worth much more than being free and alone?"
Outside, on the street, the removal van started the engine. Drove down the street and disappeared.
Darren was crying so hard now that he could barely speak.
"Oh Danny... If we just... start again to hold each other at night... and start to talk again. Maybe one day... we will learn to love each other again..."
His hands caressed Daniel's back.
"I don't want to lose you..." He whispered. "I don't want to roam the world alone, looking for someone I'll maybe never find, while I still could have you by my side..."
Daniel crawled onto the bed, snuggled into Darren's embrace.
"Please hold me..." He whispered.
Darren nodded, smiling through the tears.
~finis~
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