Miss You Most at Christmas Time by Stina

..And then I miss you

most at Christmas time

and I can't get you, get you off my mind

Every other season comes along and I'm alright

But then I miss you,

most at Christmas time....

(Mariah Carey)

The snow was falling in thick, white flakes. Softly, slowly. The world was silent- the kind of peaceful silence only fresh-fallen snow can create. Only every ten minutes or so a car cautiously drove down the street.

Who would leave the house at this time of the day, on this special day.

Christmas Eve.

Every family was gathering around the Christmas tree now. Children were unpacking presents impatiently, hugging their parents, singing, playing, enjoying a delicious turkey and crispy cookies.

Couples cuddling on the sofa. Surprised and joyful gasps when little boxes were opened, holding a precious ring or bracelet.

What a wonderful night.

But there were a few windows where no golden reflections of flickering candles were to be seen, where no laughing and singing was to be heard.

It is hard to be alone, but being alone on Christmas Eve...

Those of you who ever had to spend this special night alone, know the feeling.

Daniel was alone. Standing behind the window in the dark, watching the snow fall. The Christmas tree was decorated, but the little lights were off.

His family had decided to spend the holidays on a Caribbean cruise, and no matter how hard they tried, they could not persuade him to join them. He still heard his mother... "Daniel, please, come with us... You really should not be alone after all ... all this..."

"All this" meant the final break up with Darren, the end of their band. All the misunderstandings, the harsh words in interviews, spoken from a distance without seeing each other. Some of them they regretted later, but most not.

Staying at home had been a mistake, he knew it now. He badly needed the distraction from "all this", he should have joined his family. And maybe he would have found the courage to get over what the press did not write about because they did not know.

It began on Christmas Eve. Five years ago.

Darren unwrapping his present. His eyes lighting up.

"Daniel! This is the original script of 'Star Wars'!! How on earth did you get this!"

A brotherly hug. An innocent kiss on the cheek.

"Daniel, thank you..."

A second kiss. Too tender to be innocent.

Another kiss, softer.

"Darren..."

"Oh Danny..."

And it ended on New Year's Eve, four years and six days later.

Tired eyes. Too tired to cry, too tired to fight anymore.

"Say it, Darren. I can't take it anymore. Not knowing what we are. If there is a 'we' anymore."

"Daniel... I..."

"It is over, Darren. Right? Come on. Say it."

"We have changed so much, Danny..."

"Darren..."

"Yes... It's over, Daniel."

A tear was running down Daniel's cheek now. He turned away from the window, shivered. Suddenly noticing how cold the flat was. He kneeled down in front of the fireplace, putting some pieces of firewood inside, taking an old newspaper to light it.

He hesitated. Took one scrambled page, smoothed it out with his hand.

"Australia's celebrities invited for Christmas dinner with the Prime Minister."

Daniel's thumb brushed tenderly over Darren's name. At least Darren was not alone tonight.

A knock on the door. Who on earth...

He got up, unlocked the door. Opened it. Held his breath.

A long black coat. A black elegant tuxedo underneath. White satin shirt, black bowtie.

Angelic blond locks, decorated with a few snowflakes.

Large blue eyes.

Darren.

"Darren..." Daniel whispered his name.

A soft, insecure smile.

"Hello Daniel..."

They just stared at each other until Darren spoke again.

"Can I... come in?"

Daniel wiped his eyes, as if to assure himself that this was not a dream.

"S... Sure..."

He stepped aside to let Darren pass, watching him slowly walk in. Closed the door.

He took a deep breath.

God, he was so beautiful.

The snowflakes on Darren's hair were melting, glistening in the warm light of the fire.

Daniel cleared his throat.

"Darren... What... I thought..." He looked at the paper that still laid on the floor.

Darren looked down, smiled.

"Oh yes... The Prime Minister..."

Slowly he walked up to Daniel.

"I excused myself..."

He raised his hand, caressed Daniel's cheek.

"Don't ask, Daniel. Don't ask what I am doing here. Why I came. It is Christmas, and Christmas always was so special for us." He bent forward and kissed Daniel's lips softly. "I just had to come. I want to spend this night with you."

Daniel shook his head slowly.

"We are through, Darren. I should throw you out. Simply should throw you out of my house."

He pushed the long coat from Darren's shoulders, let it fall to the ground. Pulled him close, let his fingers run through the silky blond hair.

"But I don't want to be alone tonight... We won't think about tomorrow. Tonight is for us."

Kissing Darren was like coming home. He warmed his lips, still cold from the freezing air outside with his own. Their tongues met, their bodies met.

Daniel took a deep breath, took off the black tuxedo jacket. Opened Darren's bowtie. Opened the buttons of his shirt, slowly, one by one. Revealed Darren's chest.

And let out a faint gasp.

"Wow, Darren..."

Darren smiled. "At least the hours of work out were good for something..."

Admiringly Daniel let his fingers trail over the well toned muscles.

Opened Darren's pants.

Darren grabbed Daniel's shirt, pulled it over his head.

They sank down on the soft fur in front of the fireplace, slowly taking off the rest of their clothes.

It was breathtaking, holding each other tight naked, warmed by the fur and the fire.

Daniel kissed Darren's lips. "Wait..."

He got up, walked over to the Christmas tree. Darren's eyes followed him when Daniel switched on the little lights, matching perfectly with the warm glow of the fire.

He came back, settling down beneath Darren again.

"Now it is Christmas..." He whispered.

Darren smiled. "And I don't even have a present for you..."

A tender kiss.

"You are here. I don't need another present."

"Daniel... The interviews... What you said about..."

"Shhh... Not tonight. Not tonight..."

Only the soft crackle of the burning firewood was to be heard when they caressed each other's bodies, kissed their lips, eyes, necks.

"Dazza..."

"Mmm...?"

"You said you don't have a present for me..."

"Mmm..."

"Can I make a wish then...?"

"Yeah, Baby..."

Daniel bent forward, whispered something into Darren's ear.

Darren laughed softly. "Why did I somehow expect... This...?"

"Granted..?"

"Oh yes, Danny..."

He rolled Daniel on his back. His soft, full lips moved slowly down Daniel's body.

He took his time. Teased him, pleased him. Looked up to lock his eyes with Daniel's emerald, sparkling eyes, maybe shining even brighter than the lights on the Christmas tree. Enjoyed the slim fingers in his silky hair, encouraging him tenderly to go on.

Silence.

Little flames dancing in the fireplace, yellow, orange, red.

A long, soft moan.

Sweet, tender kisses with swollen lips. Hands, fingers caressing wet skin.

"Make a wish, Darren..."

"I want to make love to you...."

Daniel's breathed in deeply. Long, shuddering breaths. Full of lust.

Darren's mouth covered the back of his neck with soothing kisses.

"Am I hurting you..."

"No... No... It feels so good... Oh God, it's been so long since..."

"Too long..."

Late at night.

Covered with a warm, thick blanket they watched the last flames, like glowing amber.

The snow was still falling, covering the world outside in a bright white, glistening in the moonlight.

And before he fell asleep, Daniel pulled Darren closer, and Darren heard the one word he was yearning to hear with all his heart.

"Stay..."