My Dearest Dazza-

It didn't even cross my mind that something was wrong. It should have though- to anyone else- they would've been able to tell- well- maybe not- you're so good at hiding things.
It was just an ordinary day- you weren't expecting me to come home so early. Obviously. I didn't even know you were home to begin with- everything was so quiet.
I threw my junk on the couch and made my way into the kitchen. A yellow note was stuck on the table- your barely legible writing scrawled all over.
I started to read it:

Hey Daniel-

Hey to you too Dazzy.

You've probably just gotten home- it's late- isn't the moon pretty tonight?

I smiled, I'm sure it's gonna be-

I love the moon- you know? It's so beautiful, how it shines down upon you- with the stars. Sometimes I wish I could join them up there-

Dazza, what are you talking about? I shifted uncomfortably, a bit confused.

Jonesy- I love you- I love you more then life itself- you know that- and I will always be with you- it's just, well- I can't take this anymore-

My mind started to reel and I read faster-

Baby- this has nothing to do with you- believe me- you're my whole being and I love you more then words can even tell. It's not that I feel unloved- I know that's farthest from the truth- but- I just- can't stay here anymore- I can't handle it- it's just too much-

I started to panic, Dazza- what's wrong?

Please don't be upset, or do anything that would wreck your precious life-

Your writing was getting worse, almost as if your hand was shaking uncontrollably-

Some people say I'm being selfish- but the last person I'm thinking about is myself. I've screwed up so much in this life- I can't undo any of the mistakes- I can't live with it anymore-

Tears were starting to well in my eyes-

I love you my Jonesy- I shall always be with you- never forget that- Please- do not follow me, I beg you to stay and live out the rest of your perfect life to its fullest, you will be so much better off without me. Don't forget me luv-
I love with all my heart and soul- yours forever,

Dazza

The paper fell to the ground, I stood in shock. Unconsciously my legs started to move and before I knew it I was tearing up the steps screaming your name.
I burst into the room, the bathroom door was open- just a crack.
The next moments were a blur, fuzzy images I wish I could erase from my memories.
"Darren?" I called out.
You didn't answer me- and I pushed the bathroom door open.
My heart froze; I don't even think I breathed for five minutes straight.
Finally, I dropped to the ground, tears streaming down my cheeks.
"Oh God-" That's all I could utter as I knelt at your side.
I grasped your hand, it was so cold-
"Darren?!" I cried, terrified, shaking.
You didn't respond to me- lying there in the bathtub, the water slowly rising- no- it wasn't water- it was blood.
I was screaming now, I couldn't hear myself though- I was just concentrating on pulling you out of the bathtub and rocking you in my arms.
You were so lifeless as I cried, hysterical- trying to get you to respond to me.
Hands shaking I fumbled for the cellular and called the paramedics- they'll be here- soon-
I nearly threw the phone down and immediately devoted my attention back to you. You hadn't moved- I didn't even know if you were breathing-
I grabbed several hand towels and wrapped them around your bleeding wrists- oh God- the gashes were so deep- so long- so horrible-
Blood seeped through the fabric- I screamed your name over and over again-
Finally- a soft moan. A sliver of blue flashed up at me.
"Dazza!" I held you so close, kissing you over and over, everywhere on your pale, pale face.
"Jonesy?" You murmured, barely audible. I could tell you were in such pain-
"Darren- baby- why?! W- why?!!!! You can't leave me!!!" I was beyond hysterics now, completely hyperventilating.
Somehow- you remained calm, raising a shaking hand to caress my tear-stained cheek.
"It's. . .better- this way." You mumbled, eyes slipping closed again.
"Dazza- no!! No!!!" I screamed again, shaking you.
Unfocused eyes lazily opened-
"D- Darren- please baby!" My tears streamed down and fell onto your face. You blinked, still maintaining your piercing gaze- it bore into my soul- right down to the core.
"Jonesy- please- no tears." You took in a shallow breath, you were having trouble breathing-
"Darren-." I could barely say your name through my sobs, "please don't leave me- I can't live without you - you CAN'T leave me!! Darren- please!!"
A flicker of despair shone in your eyes; maybe you realized you'd made a mistake-
Yes Dazza- a horrible mistake- you can't leave me-
"It'll be all right- I'll- always be . . .with you."
"Don't talk that way Dazza! No-! I'm not losing you- please!"
I could barely breath, I'd been crying so hard I felt sick to my stomach.
Where the hell are the paramedics?!!!
If they don't get here soon I'll take you to the damn hospital myself!!
"Jonesy?"
Your soft voice, ragged and hoarse, you were gasping for air now- you couldn't breath right anymore-
I cradled you against my chest, whispering words of comfort-
"I- I have to go. . .now."
My breaking heart shattered.
"Dazza-." I whispered, the tears rained down so fast, "Please- I beg you!!"
But you only shook your head slightly, taking in another labored breath, "I have to . . . go Daniel- I . . . can't stay-."
"Darren!" I was crying again, my terrified voice echoing against the tiled walls.
A worried expression on your face and with what little strength you had left in your frail body, you leaned up and pressed your soft lips against mine.
I deepened the kiss, never wanting to let go of you again-
A metallic taste startled me and I looked down to see thin trails of blood seeping out of your mouth-
Oh God- please!!
"I love you Jonesy- I love you so much." You whispered, a feeble smile forming on your cracked lips- now tinged with a hint of blue-
"I love you!! I love you more then anything!!! Darren! Please- baby! Please don't leave me!!!"
But your eyelids were becoming heavy- you could barely breath now- with one last tender look you closed those sapphires for the last time- giving a little sigh-
Then all was still.
For a long time I just sat there, holding your lifeless body against my trembling form- knowing that once I let you go- it would all be over-
Where the hell are the paramedics?!!!!
Even if they came sooner- it wouldn't have helped-
If only I had come home earlier- been there for you when you needed me-
I tried to blame myself for all this- but you told me not to- kind of a hard thing though- it had to be my fault somewhere along the line-
My shuddering body picked your light form up and I carried you to the bed-
christened years ago with one of the happiest times of my life-
Now- it holds the worst possible moment in my burning memories-
Laying you ever so gently onto the bed- I crawled in next to you- pulling you up against me, sobbing- burying my head on your unmoving chest.
"I love you baby." I mumbled, stroking your gray ash face. You looked so beautiful to me- even though-
For an eternity I just lay there- holding you- telling you everything I ever wanted to say-
You already knew all of it- but I had to just keep talking to you- pretending you could still hear me- just to keep me from going insane-
Screeching sirens in the distance. . .
I don't think I spoke to any of them- I remember they literally had to pry you away from me-
I don't recall much after that- the ride to the hospital- their failed attempts to bring you back to life-
The funeral? I'm sure it was beautiful- but I was crying so hard I don't even remember who was there . . .
Two weeks ago- the events still play in my head like it just happened this morning-
The blood still stains the bathroom- I can't bring myself to even walk in there anymore- it's just too painful.
The moon shines down upon me- I'm holding that tear stained letter you wrote me- I read it over and over- I've memorized it.
It's so hard to lay in this bed all alone- I can still smell your scent everywhere- it's so intoxicating-
You told me not to follow- to just live my life without you- but Dazza- you were my life- and the thing I hate myself for is that fact that I never made that clear- you were my being- my everything- without you I am nothing- and so-
Here is my letter- to anyone who cares to read it-
I can't go on- I can't live another moment in this life without you- and so- I am coming to join you- wherever you are-
And yes- the moon does look beautiful tonight.
I love you forever- my precious angel-

Jonesy

Setting his pen down, Daniel Jones skims over the paper, smiling sadly to himself. He gently places it on the windowsill. Then, reaching over- he carefully takes a metallic object into his hand-
A last glance at the picture of his love- his emerald eyes riveted to those shining sapphires-

Click-

A deafning bang-

The moon shines quietly down upon two letters, rustling in the breeze from the open window.

All is silent. . .