The Brightest Light by Stephie

(Disclaimed: 'Imagine', John Lennon)

It was a cool, impartial night, one where the wind rustles past the leaves, only caring where it's going and not where it has been. A filmy curtain of clouds blocked all the sky from view, blurring any light and the sight of those who wanted to see the stars twinkle in the heavens.

Darren Hayes was not one of those people. At the moment, he didn't care about the wind or the offended leaves or the clouds or moon or even the stars. He just wanted to sleep. He was tired, exhausted from the last few weeks of touring and the constant push and shove of just living.

So he lay there on his side, arms tucked against his chest to conserve body heat.

The hotel bed was big. Darren was very much aware of the size. It was most definitely made for two. And here he was. He. Just one.

It wasn't like he was unused to sleeping alone. The first tour away from Colby, then the year spent alone...it was normal for him...but...but?

Maybe it was just that he had listened too closely to the words he'd sung earlier. What was the point of singing love songs if there was no one to love, no one to hold at night, no one to complete him? No one who was just...there.

Maybe the depression and loneliness he'd felt so much in the last year and a half were simply resurfacing. The frustration of never reaching out to find someone. To never be reached for by someone else.

Abruptly, as a heat flutters to its beat, his thoughts turned to Daniel. He was a bright center of Darren's universe, had a warmth that drew Darren to him. Daniel was his best friend and so much more. And though Darren couldn't read as much of Daniel as he would have liked, he did know that the blond man was sinking into a dark endless hole. His breakup with Michelle had shaken him deeply. Daniel didn't adjust to change well, nor was he prepared for the heartache.

Darren's sadness began to morph into anger. Was this all they were meant for? The loneliness and the depression and music for all their lives? Would there be another great love for either of them? The emotional contact of love was something Darren craved greatly, like some addictive drug tried a few times and not found again.

Maybe it was just him. At times it seemed that Daniel would be perfectly content simply making music all his life, not needing any more love than what his friends and his mum provided, only the certainty of making album after album... Darren couldn't imagine being happy with just that. He needed the touch of a lover, the warm embrace of someone when he woke in the morning.

He supposed that he really didn't understand Daniel. But what was there to understand? Daniel was and always had been Daniel, very different from Darren, who was not always himself.

Darren turned onto his back and settled his hands on his stomach. He opened his eyes and stared up at the dark shadowy ceiling. A sober silence engulfed the room. Darren could almost feel it diving into him and invading his mind and body.

He glanced at the red digital numbers next to him. It was 4:48 am. Darren wondered what Daniel was dreaming about, because of course he was asleep; he never said anything about ever having insomnia, while Darren complained regularly about it.

When Darren did sleep, he dreamt quite a bit. His dreams were always very odd and disjointed, containing scenes and people in them that he simply didn't want to think about. Scenes flashed unbidden and unwelcome in his mind. Something wet on his bare skin, arms intimately around a body that felt long and thin, getting a look from the green-blue eyes of his blonde friend that shot heat through Darren and would always cause him to wake up aching. Darren firmly purged his mind of these things, though the images and feelings nudged at him. He grasped at something to think about. Lyrics.

Yes, lyrics...Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try...no hell below us...above us only sky...the warm sun in the sky. A warm body around him...

Darren sat up, blinked the blur out of his eyes, and slid out of the bed. For a moment he stood next to it, staring at the closed bathroom door. What was he doing? Was he actually going to go somewhere? Where was there to go? Daniel was next door...but he was asleep. Darren knew that Daniel would talk to him if he woke him up...and maybe...a picture formed, himself cradled in Daniel's arms, head on the other man's chest, hearing his heartbeat and feeling his warmth and the rise of his chest with each breath... He shook it away and took a few steps toward the door to the hall, and before he could think anymore, he opened it and stepped into the dimly lit passageway.

The reddish carpet was soft under his bare feet as he shuffled over to Daniel's door, slightly unnerved by the thought that he was actually going to bother the poor man at this hour. He paused at the entrance. It would have been easier if Daniel had opened the door right then, smiling, inviting Darren in. But that, of course, would not happen. He was asleep. Normal people slept at 5 am.

That thought produced a silent, slightly hysterical giggle from Darren. Normal. What a concept.

So here was Daniel's door, which led to Daniel's room, and then right in there, Daniel's bed. With Daniel in it. Darren pressed his hand against the cool surface of the door. Should he knock? Should he just go in?

But then, if Darren were asleep, would he really want Daniel barging into his room at some ungodly hour, wanting comfort from the plagues of his mind and sleeplessness?

The uncomfortable and not-particularly-surprising answer from his mind was yes. Nearly any reason that Daniel could be in his room seemed good. Any excuse for him to be there. Anywhere. As long as Darren was with him.

Darren suddenly felt very sad. His body, weighed down by ever-increasing gravity, leaned heavily against the door in front of him. He touched his head against it, then turned and slid down until he sat with a thud.

Never felt so lonely...

Very alone.

As there was someone to love, someone to hold at night, and someone to complete him. That person simply didn't realize it. And Darren decided that was a good idea to never clue him in.

Darren pulled himself off the floor. I love you, he thought to the man inside the room. He would stay asleep until the sun came, as no one would disturb his sleep.

Darren walked to his room, got into bed. He was more tired then before, a deep mental weariness that almost hurt...

But he would not sleep tonight.