To Yoda and Yoga... by LunaFlower

Darren Hayes -- A reflection.

by Daniel Jones

There are many things that make Darren unique, set him apart from the crowd.

His talent, his voice, his musical abilities of course.

His Star Wars obsession, and when I call it an obsession I mean an OBSESSION. I have never met someone who gets so worked up and possessive over little bits of plastic that measure barely four inches high. Woe betide anyone on the tour bus who dares so much as to sneeze whilst he is watching any of the movies on the VCR. Woe betide anyone who does anything during any Spielberg or Lucas film come to that.

This is the guy who has a model Darth Vader as his phone for crying out loud.

And then there are his health food kicks. A new one every week. But to give him his credit he is passionate about every one of them and some occasionally stick. Like his conversion to vegetarianism. Stuck that one out for years only deviating when his health was at risk and he's not about to risk his health oh no, not anything that might damage his precious body. Because with the health kicks come the exercise regimes. The only one that has stuck there is the yoga which I admit I was sceptical about to start with but soon discovered that it had very beneficial side-effects if you get my drift... so now I am only too happy to encourage him in his pursuit of being able to get his legs behind his head.

The downside to all this of course is that when this happens Darren's Bagpuss complex comes to the fore. By that I mean that what Darren does he expects everyone else to follow. Uh-uh, not a chance.

I've lost count of the number of times he has tried to get me to give up my smokes and whiskey. The words Snowball and Hell come to mind.

Secretly I think he's jealous but can I help it if I can keep my slim (lanky Darren calls it, cheeky git!) figure without having to go through all this health food shit? Its not my fault he has to work at it. It's all in the genes I kept telling him. Of course it all falls in deaf ears.

And then he turns into my little Diva.

This is something else that truly sets him apart from the rest of humankind. Nobody can throw a Diva tantrum quite like Darren. Clothes, crockery, anything unfortunate enough to be within his reach goes flying. He stomps, he yells, he throws things, he pouts, he sulks, the tears come hard and fast and then everyone comes running for me.

Yes, dealing with Diva Darren is one of my less enviable tasks but is all part of what makes Darren Darren and annoying as it is I wouldn't change him for the world. After all I shudder to think what the world would be like if there were two of him.

Then there are other things that make Darren unique, special in his own inevitable, loveable way but I think I'll keep those to myself.

So I propose a toast...to Yoda and yoga.

To Darren. May he never change.